


A Lasting Goodbye

by LilahMontgomery



Series: Hogwarts A/U Fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A/U, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Cannon with some deviation, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Romance, Severitus, Snape is Harry's father, Work In Progress, reworking in prgress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-06 00:58:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 72,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4201809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilahMontgomery/pseuds/LilahMontgomery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily turns up at Severus' door after four years of not speaking to him. The confrontation leads to more than either of them bargained for. BEING REWORKED</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> Sexual content and this may make you cry. 
> 
> I do not own these characters, they belong to much more talented people than I.
> 
> This is a just for fun what if style fanficion. 
> 
> Love or hate, feel free to comment or leave Kudos or whatever you want to do.

Severus jumped as he heard a loud knock from the front door of his house on Spinner’s end. He put down the ladle he had been using to stir the potion with and straightened up, listening. There was another knock at the door. Not imagining that then. Shit.

He grabbed his t-shirt from the chair in the living room, pulling it over the lean muscles of his upper body and pulled his hair off his face with his fingers. He stopped just in front of the door and took out his wand. 

Severus took a long, slow breath. He had been up all night and exhaustion crept into every inch of his body. His mind felt foggy and his eyes heavy with the need to sleep. An unwanted visitor was the last thing the Slytherin needed. 

He quickly wrenched open the door and gasped as his black eyes met the green ones of his childhood friend- Lily Evens. She looked at him shocked, her hand still in the air ready to knock the door again. They eyed each other in surprise for a long moment before Severus regained his senses. 

He hit the doorframe with rage and turned in his heal, marching away from the open door and the young woman standing before it. 

“For fuck’s sake!” He yelled. 

Lily stepped quickly into the house, closing the door behind her before rounding on him in the kitchen. They faced each other, leaning on opposite worktops. Her glare met his. 

“I wanted to talk to you, Severus,” She stated plainly, fury radiating from her small frame. She was wearing jeans and a pretty top, but her red hair was as wild as her eyes as if she had made her way to the house in a hurry. Severus looked run down and scruffy, his black t shirt and trousers clinging to his sweaty form. 

“Well, that is a relief. You only stopped talking to me-what was it? About four fucking years ago?” Severus snapped back. 

He lit a cigarette and watched Lily stiffen with anger. 

“You know damn well why I haven’t spoken to you, Severus, don’t you DARE blame me!” 

“What do you want then?” Severus asked, exhaling smoke and forcing himself to calm down. 

Lily relaxed slightly and leaned against the work surface again. 

“They say you’re a Death Eater. I wanted to hear it from you.” 

“You wanted to hear I was a Death Eater? To be honest, I’d have thought you’d have been against it.” 

“Answer the fucking question!” Lily snapped. 

Severus carried on smoking, stance nonchalant, staring at her defiantly. Lily waited for a minute, then, on realising she wasn’t going to get an answer, grabbed the cigarette from his hand angrily and threw it on the floor. 

He jerked back as her grip fell on his left wrist, trying to tug it down for a view of his forearm. He managed to keep his arm against his body and rolled out of her grip. 

She made an exasperated noise and followed him into the sitting room. “Answer me!” She shrieked. 

He turned to face her, scoffing at her outburst, anger bubbling up again. 

“Why do you care? You made it quite clear you didn’t want anything more to do with me in fifth year, Lily, so what gives you the right to storm in here and question my life choices? Get the fuck out of my house!” 

He noticed a startled look cross Lily’s face, before it contorted into rage again. This time, sorrow seemed to be mixed in too. She tried to speak, but her voice failed her. 

Severus took advantage of her silence by walking further away and sitting on the sofa. He rested his elbows on his knees and breathed calming breaths. He realised he was not only angry at her attitude but also a little ashamed of himself. 

He glanced up and watched hot tears roll down her cheeks as she tried to wipe them away. He didn’t need these mind games today, he had deadlines to meet. 

“Severus…” Her voice was soft and shaky. She was looking at the floor, pain etched on every inch of her face. “We were friends once…” 

“I wasn’t the one who forgot that, Lily.” He replied frankly. 

He would not allow her to break his heart again, this would not happen, not now that he had plans. It had taken years to pull himself together after she had ended their friendship and he could no longer be associated with her kind anyway. 

“I never forgot that, Sev…” His head jerked up to look at her as she sunk down onto the floor. “So it’s true then, is it? You’re a Death Eater?” 

He looked off into space, debating his answer with himself. 

“Yes.” He replied finally. 

Lily started sobbing loudly, hands covering her face as her tears dropped to the floor. He sighed, lying back on the sofa, unable to look at her. Shit-why was this happening now? 

She pulled herself together enough to breathe normally and took a deep breath. 

“I’m a member of the Order.” Her voice was barely above a whisper but her words stabbed Severus’ heart like a knife. His entire body felt like it had been doused with iced water as he stared at the ceiling-wide eyed. So: that’s why she’s here. 

“So which are you going to attempt first? Arrest me or kill me?” He asked flatly. 

His mind went to his wand which he realised he had left in the kitchen. He cursed his own tiredness and sighed. 

“NO!” she cried, to his surprise. He sat up and stared at her shaking form on the rug. She seemed to centre herself for a minute before getting to her feet and standing over him menacingly. 

“How could you? How could you join those evil people?” She demanded. The rage reignited in Severus’ chest and adrenaline crashed through his veins. He stood, his face inches from hers, looming over her. 

“You fucking ridiculous Witch!” He shouted, “What the fuck did you think I was going to do? Join the Quidditch Team? Play Gobstones for the South East? You fucking abandoned me with them! After all we went through! After all that time together!” She shrank back under his glare, intimidated, backing away. He stepped towards her every time she stepped back, eyes flashing dangerously. 

“You come in here, have a go at me and make out like this is all my fault! I said I was sorry and I meant it! I’d have done anything for you! I lo-“ he cut himself off just in time and turned away, snarling. “Look, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Are you still with Saint Fucking Potter?” 

Lily was too stunned for a moment to answer. She opened and closed her mouth, watching him cross the room and lean against the window frame. 

“Er-we’re on a bit of a break. He asked me to marry him…” she said quietly. Severus tensed. 

“Congratulations.” He said without feeling. 

“I haven’t said ‘yes’ yet…hence the break….” 

Severus turned slowly to look at her, his heart beating fast. 

“Why not?” He asked. She met his eyes and started walking towards him, stopping inches away. 

“Just then, when you were yelling the house down. How was that sentence going to end?” She asked. 

His heart quickened even more as a flush came to his face, looking down into her emerald eyes. 

“Why?” he asked quietly. 

“Tell me. What did you stop yourself saying?” 

“You know already.” He replied flatly. 

She looked at the floor before meeting his eyes again. 

“Tell me anyway.” 

He took a small step towards her and gently brushed her hair from her left shoulder before leaning down to her ear. 

“I love you.” He whispered. 

She gasped and grabbed the front of his tee shirt, forcing his lips to hers. He made a started noise before kissing hungrily back. 

He pushed her against the wall and ran his hands down to her lower back, pressing her body against his, exploring her mouth with his tongue, gasping for breath. 

She moaned in response, bringing her leg up and hooking it behind his, grinding her hips against him hard. 

He pulled her top over her head, followed by his and set about devouring her neck with his mouth and teeth while she raked his back with her nails, spreading her legs wider as he pushed himself against her, his hardness pressing into her groin. 

They lost themselves biting and kissing each other from lips to necks to shoulders, grinding and moaning into the room until Lily could stand it no longer. She broke their embrace and grabbed at his belt, tugging down his trousers and boxers, before undoing her own jeans and sliding them off with her knickers. She unhooked her bra and threw it into the pile of clothing. 

Severus gasped at their sudden nakedness, his mind blank save for animalistic desire for her body. He gathered her up in his arms, crossed the room and pressed her into the sofa where she stretched out, legs parted and wrapping around his waist. 

He gently touched her to find her dripping wet and ready for him. His eyes flicked to her face, noting the hungry expression, took himself in hand and slowly entered her. 

Lily’s eyes rolled back into her head as she met his quick, hard thrusts, gasping every time he hit the back of her. She rolled her hips in time, squeezing him as her hands snaked to his neck, drawing his head closer to her mouth. They kissed as roughly as they fucked, full of a desperate need, desire and want. 

Severus lost sense of time and space as he quickened his thrusts, eyes suddenly locked on hers, drinking in the sight of her blushing face. 

Her legs gripped him tighter as he took her quickly to the edge, struggling to keep up with his now punishing speed. 

Her back arched and she released a strangled cry, legs tight around him, hands grabbing anywhere she could grip. 

The feel of her tighten around him and the sight of her coming apart beneath him took Severus over the edge with her, whispering: “I love you!” as he spilled inside her. 

He collapsed on top of her, both sweating and sated, panting into each other’s shoulders. 

Severus carefully disentangled himself from her as his senses returned. He retrieved his t shirt and a blanket, cleaned them up and drew her into his arms on the sofa under the blanket. They drifted off to sleep entwined together.


	2. The Cold Light of Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning brings a harsh reality

The light from the gap in the curtains nudged Severus awake.

As he slowly regained consciousness he was aware of weight on his chest and the soft tickle of hair on his chin. He carefully looked down to find Lily draped over him, her eyes shut in peaceful sleep. 

His heart filled with warmth, a smile spreading across his face. His mind was at peace as his thoughts drifted and swirled in pure bliss. 

Suddenly, his brain snapped him to attention. Shit. The potion! 

He carefully moved out from under her, ignoring her moan of protest and ran, still naked, into the other room where the potion was now smoking on the burner. 

He moved quickly, adding extra water and herbs in an attempt to save it, stirring the blackening brew feverishly. 

“Sev?” 

He turned to look at Lily standing naked at the door watching him work. 

“What’s that?” She asked, gesturing to the cauldron. 

He swore under his breath and continued stirring with his back to her. 

“Probably best if I don’t tell you, Lily.” He answered. 

She walked over and sat down on a chair next to him, arms crossed across her chest, waiting impatiently. 

“So are we going to talk or are you going to do Death Eater stuff? I would offer to help you but I’d rather suck off a goblin.” She said angrily. 

Severus rolled his eyes. 

“Thanks for that image,” he answered, watching with relief as the potion turned red again. He sighed and slumped down before turning his gaze to the red headed beauty currently scowling at him. 

“What do you want to talk about, Lily?” He asked quietly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Lily had showered while Severus decanted the completed brew into phials and labelled them, before washing himself. 

They sat quietly at the kitchen table, sipping their coffee in silence. 

“This can’t work, can it?” Lily asked in a stable voice. Severus felt his stomach drop and a tightness in his throat as he shook his head. 

“You’re a muggle born member of the Order of the Phoenix.” He stated, “The Dark Lord would kill me. I have to repress that memory as it is, an entire secret relationship would be impossible to slip passed him.” 

“And you’re a Death Eater and sworn enemy of my on again off again maybe fiancé. There’s no way you could switch sides now.” 

They sat for a few minutes in silence as quiet tears flowed down both of their faces. They gripped hands and sobbed. Severus was the first to regain composure. 

“So where is James now? Won’t he ask where you were last night?” 

“We’re not together right now. And anyway, he’s away on a mission.” 

“Doing what?” 

“Probably best if I don’t tell you, Sev.” 

“When is he back?” 

“A couple of weeks I think, maybe more.” 

Silence filled the room again as their finished their coffee. Lily’s eyes suddenly snapped to Severus. 

“We didn’t use a condom!” She exclaimed. 

“Fuck! Heat of the moment! I’m clean, though. I hope you are too-oh Merlin- it’d be just my luck if I got an S.T.D from James Bloody Potter!” 

“No-no, I am, that’s not what I’m worried about…” They looked at each other as silent comprehension entered Severus’ face. 

“Lily- Please tell me you’re on the pill or something…” She looked down nervously and played with the rim of her cup. Shit. 

“It’ll be ok, I’m sure.” She answered, her voice barely audible. 

“Lily…?” Severus’ eyes flashed as panic started to grip him. 

“It’s one slip, Sev, do you have any idea what the odds are? It’ll be fine.” She pushed her cup to one side dismissively and looked him in the eye. 

Her expression looked pained and lost. 

“Please look after yourself, my love,” she said. Severus returned her pained look and nodded slightly. 

“Please don’t come over unless you owl me first. We were lucky this time but often…I wouldn’t want you here when…” 

“Ok,” She agreed in a small voice. 

Severus felt his heart breaking as her looked at her again. His mind flashed with the memory of being inside her, feeling her kiss, tasting her mouth. He sighed and looked at the table. 

“So-are you going to marry that fucking wanker?” He asked. 

She didn’t answer at first, picking at her nails nervously. 

“I don’t know now. I do love him, Sev, but after last night…but we couldn’t…I don’t know. Luckily he’s away so I don’t have to get back with him straight away. I’m so sorry…” Her voice cracked and she started to sob again. “It’s all such a mess!” 

“I’m sorry too, Lily. I’ve made things so much worse.” 

“No. At least I got to be with you, even just…” 

Severus got up, walked around the table and took her in his arms. She sobbed bitter tears into his robes as he wiped away his own. 

“I love you so much, Lily.” 

“I love you too…”


	3. The End of an Era

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily comes to Severus with a shocking confession which will change their lives forever. 
> 
> Warning, explicit sexual content.

Severus was meditating when his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

He had been trying to practice ‘mindfulness’ since he had kissed Lily goodbye almost three weeks before, tears flowing sadly down both of their faces, barely able to face life without the other. 

The grief and loneliness had hacked away ever increasing parts of his heart until all he could feel was pain and desperation. He yearned for her night and day. The touch of her skin, the smell of her hair, the feel of her against him. 

Mediation helped him with Occlumency to block the memory from the Dark Lord. Now someone was interrupting his potentially life-saving ritual. 

He snarled to himself as the knock was heard again. 

He got up, shaking off the dizziness from being pulled out of his trance and crossed to the door, wand ready. He opened the door and took in a sharp breath. 

“Can I come in?” Lily asked desperately. 

He thumped the door frame much as he had done on her first visit before grabbing her arm and yanking her into the room. He slammed the door behind them and glared at her. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He exclaimed, “Didn’t I say you needed to send me an owl…” 

“I’m pregnant.” 

Severus looked at her for a long time, both of them stunned into silence at the admission. 

“What…?” 

“I’m pregnant. James is away and has been for a few weeks so...It’s yours…” 

Severus felt like the room was spinning and had to hold onto the kitchen door for balance. 

His mind rushed from joy to panic back to joy again over and over. 

His better judgement took over and blind panic won the battle of prevailing emotions. 

“FUCK!” He screamed. He kicked a chair over and fell to his knees. “SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!” 

“You’re not doing very well at keeping me calm, Sev!” Lily protested, grabbing his arm. 

Severus’ mind started whirring as he looked at the woman he loved. He took in a calming breath and stood up. 

“Here’s what you’re going to do.” He stated, “It destroys my soul to say this but this is the only way. You wait until James is back, sleep with him, wait a couple of weeks, then tell him the good news he’s going to be a father. Then you marry him.” 

“Sev!” Lilly cried, her voice breaking. 

“A couple of weeks or a month out, no one will know. What would you rather, Lily? What would your friends do if they found out you were carrying a Death Eater’s baby? What do you think the Death Eaters would do to me if they found out I was expecting a child to a fucking Muggle Born?” 

He rounded on her as she stood open mouthed in the middle of the room. 

“Do you want your child to be raised in a loving family or visiting Daddy in Azkaban?” He asked quietly. 

Lily’s heart broke as she realised he was right. She felt terrible lying to James but the truth would put them all in terrible danger. 

She walked over to him by the window and looked into his eyes, heartbroken. He stroked her hair lovingly and placed his hand on her waist. 

“Whatever happens, Lily, I just want you to be safe. If you truly love someone, you have to put their needs before yours, even if that means not being with them.” His voice broke slightly and he held back the tears which were stinging in his eyes. 

He looked away from her but Lily pulled her body closer to him and rested her head on is shoulder. 

 

Severus rolled over as the light from his bedroom window shone onto his face.

He turned his head on his pillow to see Lily’s sleeping form, breathing softly. 

He gently moved two pieces of her hair out of her eyes and she slowly woke, smiling. 

“What time is it?” She asked quietly. He rolled over and looked at the clock on his night stand. 

“Six AM,” he replied before rolling back. She made a noise of approval and shifted her naked body to press against him. 

He captured her lips in his, kissing her slowly and deeply. 

She groaned into his mouth and he felt his erection forming as he explored her mouth with his tongue. 

She rolled her hips against him and he placed his hand onto the back of her leg, just below her bottom, drawing her nearer. 

He broke the kiss and started worshipping her neck with his lips, working down to her soft breasts and taking one of her nipples into his mouth. 

He sucked on her nipple as she issued breathy cries, and gently pressed a finger into her entrance with his free hand. 

Lily cried out and arched her back, grasping his head and pushing him against her body encouragingly. 

Severus pumped his finger in and out of her while turning his attention to her other breast, sucking and gently biting while she moaned beneath him. 

He carefully shifted himself down the bed and gently parted her legs before settling with his head between them. He sucked and licked her sensitive nub while using his fingers to stimulate her inside, drawing out louder and more passionate noises from his partner. 

Lily’s juices were running down his chin as he lapped them up, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. 

She grabbed his head with force and pulled him up her body again, kissing her taste off his lips. 

Their eyes met, full of warmth and love. He carefully positioned himself and entered her slowly. 

They both moaned softly at the sensation, basking in pleasure while he waited until she had adjusted. 

His thrusts were slow but hard and deep. Lily held onto him, kissing his lips, then his neck and chest. 

He hoped desperately that he was conveying his feelings with his body as he slowly made love to her. 

He thought of the baby she was carrying, so tiny and new, only inches away from him. A tiny sob escaped his mouth as he realised this would be the last time he could ever see her, ever be loved like this, ever be this close to his child. 

Lily reached up and wiped his tears away, before sweetly kissing him on his cheek. 

“I love you,” she whispered as he continued to rock inside her. 

He bent down and rested their foreheads together, carefully easing in and out of her body. 

“I love you too, Lily. Now and always.” 

“Always.” She agreed. 

He resisted his release as long as he could, knowing that when he did, she would leave his life forever. The pressure building in his groin eventually became too much for him to bare any longer and he spilled into her, stifling his cry. 

 

Ten minutes later, they had said their bitter goodbyes and she had left, leaving him sobbing in a heap on his living room floor.


	4. Marry me?

Remus looked around the busy pub, trying to look inconspicuous.

A couple bumped into him as he made his way to the bar, but otherwise he was not noticed. 

He placed his order with the stressed looking barman and turned quickly as a hand grabbed his shoulder. 

“Remus! You made it!” Sirius cheered over the din in the room, “It was getting so late, I thought you weren’t coming!” 

He was slurring his words, Remus noted, smiling warmly all the same. 

“Sorry, mate, held up- you know James got back today?” Remus explained. Sirius punched the air with a triumphant noise. 

“That’s great! Really? I know what I’m doing tomorrow then! I got us a table over here, in the corner.” 

Remus paid for his pint and sat with Sirius at the rickety table, talking in hushed voices. 

“Have you seen Lily this week?” Sirius asked his best friend. Remus shook his head. 

“Not since James left, she’s been keeping to herself from what I gather-why? Is she alright?” 

He took a long swig of his beer and waited for Sirius’ answer. 

“I don’t know, mate. She came over the other day asking if I’d heard from James. Apparently they broke up before he went because he asked her to marry him and she said she didn’t know.” 

“Harsh!” Remus exclaimed. 

“Yeh. Well, James was pretty heartbroken about it. I think she’s going to straighten things out though, she looked terrible when I saw her. Like she was really ill or something…” 

“Probably just worried about James. I hope they patch things up, we need to stick together in this war.” Remus answered, looking at the wood of the table. 

He sighed. Part of him really wished he had a girlfriend to bicker with, the other part guilty for wanting to inflict himself-and his affliction- on anyone else. 

“Yeh, worried herself sick! Speaking of which- how’re you holding up? Nearly ‘Moony’ time…” 

“I’m fine.” Remus said, a little too quickly. Sirius regarded him with concern, but did not press the point. Remus was very private about being a werewolf and rarely talked openly about it. 

The Fire Whiskey was really starting to hit him and he giggled to himself. 

“We should all go to James’ tomorrow, me, you and Wormtail. It’ll be like old times!” Sirius suggested. 

Remus shot him a look. 

“Shouldn’t we be giving him and Lily space if they’ve got problems?” He asked. 

“Nah, they’ll sort it tonight. I hope she gives him a proper welcome home party…”Sirius leaned in playfully, “if you know what I mean…” 

Remus laughed and took another big swig of his beer. 

“You’ve got a one-track mind, mate!” He said. 

 

Lily sat in front of James, trying not to shake. 

They were in his parent’s living room, sitting in chairs next to his parent’s urns on the bookshelf. 

Her eyes flicked nervously to them as she regained composure. 

James had been very welcoming and warm. He hadn’t sworn or had a tantrum like Severus had, nor had he pulled her into breathless sex, the way the Slytherin had. 

James had made her some tea. 

She reasoned with herself that this was more appropriate, though a lot more boring. 

“So, did everything go ok?” She asked. James looked up from his cup and grinned. 

“Worried, were you?” 

“Of course,” she replied quickly. 

James sniggered and took a sip of tea before putting it on a coaster on the coffee table. 

A coaster, for goodness sake! 

Lily shook herself mentally, pushing the memory of Severus blowing smoke rings in his kitchen and flicking ash on the worktop. 

Coasters were good. 

Tea was good. 

Rough sex in the living room was bad. 

She shook herself again as he started talking. 

“So, have you had time to think about things? I was really hoping you’d have an answer after some space…?” James suddenly looked nervous. 

A pang of guilt caught Lily’s throat and she suppressed the urge to shudder. She took a deep breath, thinking of her unborn baby. 

“I’m really sorry about everything, James. I’ve treated you really badly,” She began. 

If you knew how badly… 

“But I really do love you,” 

Not a lie, just not entirely the truth either... 

“So I’d like to marry you…if you still want me?” 

James whooped for joy and stood up. He walked over to Lily’s chair and bent down to kiss her deeply. 

Lily returned it, if a little hesitantly. 

“You’ve made me the happiest man in the whole world!” James said, looking into her eyes. 

Shit, don’t say that! 

Lily blushed and returned the sweet look he was giving her. 

“So that’s a ‘yes’ then? We’re getting married?” She asked. 

James nodded and smiled from ear to ear. 

Fan-Fucking-Tastic. 

 

Petunia stood in her kitchen, her eyes wide in horror.

She held the wedding invitation in her shaking hands before placing it on the worktop. 

Vernon entered the kitchen, opening the fridge before looking at the card. 

“Whose wedding is it this time?” He asked dismissively. 

Petunia took a moment to compose herself before turning to her husband, her pregnant form lit by the fridge light. 

“My sister, Lily. She’s marrying some wizard man called James Potter.” 

She spoke with little mirth at what should be happy news and her partner registered the unpleasant edge. 

He stood fully upright and arranged his face into a stern expression. 

“We must invite them to dinner then and meet this man,” He stated, ignoring the look of annoyance on his wife’s face. 

“Vernon-“ 

“I must insist, Petunia. We have to be the bigger people here, show them proper English decency.” 

With that, he walked out of the room without a backward glance.


	5. A Boy Named Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little boy called Harry is now in the world. 
> 
> Warning, Non graphic rape insinuation and Spell Torture.

“He’s perfect!” James cooed over the black haired baby boy in his arms. 

The boy had dark almost black hair, a similar colour to James’ with his mother’s green eyes. 

Remus leant over the boy nervously and looked him over.  
“He really looks like you, mate,” Sirius was saying from the armchair opposite, “same hair, similar face, like a mini-you!”  
James smiled and nodded in agreement. 

Remus furrowed his brow. He couldn’t really see the resemblance but he told himself babies weren’t really ‘his area’.  
He sat back down and smiled at his friends, trying to quell the jealousy which was burning into his heart.  


“Where’s Wormtail?” He asked. Siruis sighed and looked away.  
“He said he’s out of town for a bit. I think he’s avoiding us after he missed James and Lily’s wedding.” He answered. 

James shrugged.  


“We didn’t mind, just would have been nice for him to let us know he wasn’t going to make it. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things…” James said, before cuddling the baby closer, “Does it, Harry? No it doesn’t!” He chucked to himself as the baby giggled at him and reached up his tiny hand to his father’s face.  
“He’s just like his daddy!” Sirius exclaimed, crossing the room to sit with the pair. “Aren’t you, Harry? Just like your Daddy!” 

 

“Do it again, Severus!” Igor ordered.  
Severus stepped closer to the shaking woman and pointed his wand at her.  
“Legilimens!” The younger man spelled.  
The visions swam in his head as he probed the shrieking woman’s memories for the one he wanted. He pushed back his delight at the obvious torture he was putting her through and focused on the memory of a man dressed in a suit entering the Ministry of Magic. 

He withdrew from her mind and watched her pant on the floor, tears falling down her face.  
“I know who the target is,” Severus reported to the expectant Death-Eater beside him, “we should get him under the imperious curse at once.”  
Igor kicked the woman onto her back as she lay crying.  
“What about this mess?” He asked. 

Severus regarded her impassively.  
“We have no further use for her, I see no reason to prolong her agony.” He suggested. 

Igor raised his wand, but lowered it again quickly, eying her body hungrily.  


“Don’t know about that…” He said in his thick accent, kneeling down and pulling her face towards his. 

Severus watched her eyes widen in terror and sighed internally.  


“Do what you want, but obliviate or kill her afterwards. I’m going to report to the Dark Lord.” He stated, turning on his heal and marching as quickly as he could away from the pair on the floor. 

Severus held his head in his hands, trying again to meditate and clear his mind of Lily.  
He sat in his living room having taken off all of his clothes, wearing only a pair of aging jogging bottoms.  


He was sweating from the heat of the potions he had been brewing and had taken a break after his eyes kept settling on the chair she had sat on in the back room, wearing nothing but a scowl.  


He pulled his thoughts into line. 

He was no father or husband, he was a criminal. Just like his father. He was doing this child a favour by breaking this cycle of criminals breeding criminals.  


As much as he knew this to be true, he was stabbed through the chest at the thought of James Potter cuddling his baby, married to his love, enjoying his family-while he sat in his dark house all alone. 

His temper rose and he found himself blind with rage, shaking from head to toe.  


He took a calming breath and attempted to push the thoughts away.  


Just as he was making progress, an owl tapped on his window. 

He let the bird in and took the letter before settling the owl down on the back of his kitchen chair.  


On the note was one sentence with a blank Polaroid photo folded into it.  


“HIS NAME IS HARRY.”  


His? It’s a boy? I have a son?  


He muttered an incantation on the picture and suddenly, a baby was blinking at him from the paper.  


Severus’ knees gave way as he looked at the child, crumpling to the floor.  


He looked him over with the photo held out in his shaking hands.  


His black hair. His pale skin. The boy’s nose was small but proud on his face, his tiny hands coming up and waving around. 

The child in the photo opened his green eyes and stared holes into Severus’ soul.  


He touched the page for what seemed like hours before blanking it again and tucking it into a drawer.  


“You’re going to be the end of me, little Harry,” He said quietly.


	6. A Good Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus now faces the daunting task of stepping into his role of an anti hero with Harry's first year looming.  
> Can he push aside his feelings for the sake of his son? 
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics

_The young man was wearing a tight black t-shirt with black jeans and sunglasses over his dark eyes._

_His little boy, who looked no more than two years old, was dressed in a very similar way, tiny sunglasses over his bright green eyes._

_The Man had rolled both of their trouser legs up and was holding the boy close, examining the rock pools of the Cornish coast._

_The Land lady stepped closer to the Baker who was also watching from the street._

_“Sweet family,” She commented, “Don’t look like they’re from around here though."_

_The Baker nodded and shot her a scandalised look._

_“Father and son down from London. They came here in Easter too. He’s a teacher at some posh school up North, boy lives with relatives during the term, Mum passed away last year. That’s all we’ve been able to piece together- Dad’s a quiet type, keeps to themselves.” He answered._

_The Land Lady shook her head and looked sorrowfully at the little boy._

_The child was looking in awe at the crab in the young man’s hand as he showed it to him carefully._

Severus felt physically ill as he looked out of the window of the astronomy tower, waiting for the first coaches of students to arrive.  
Has to only been nine years since I last saw him?  
His heart sank as he tried to mentally prepare for what was coming.  
In order to keep himself in the shadows he had to be nasty to Harry.

To maintain his position as a double agent working against the Dark Lord, he had to show malice and hatred to his and Lily’s son.

He shook away the memory of finding out the Dark Lord was going to attack his family.

He tried to forget changing sides and how his life now was filled his loneliness and mistrust.  
  
  
_“Why should I trust you, Death Eater?” Dumbledore spat._

_Severus gulped and gave up holding the tears from falling. He looked up at the Headmaster, stern and angry looking._

_“Harry Potter might actually be…IS actually…My son… Please don’t judge Lily- we’ve had something between us for…we love each other. Please-God-please- hide them! I beg of you!”_  


He could charm his way into bed with women, but the act was cold and mechanical, only good as an escape.

Living each day trying to escape his harsh reality, one night stands happened alarmingly often.

Lily was gone forever, but a part of her lived on: the part she had shared with him, the part of himself he had tried to save from a life of misery, only to be in part responsible for ensuring it.

 

 

Harry’s eyes fell on a pale male teacher with long hair hanging over his face and a rather large nose.

He tilted his head to the side, trying to recall where he had seen him before-until the teacher’s eyes met his and pain burst into his head from his scar.

He grabbed his forehead, wincing; turning away from the man.

“That’s Professor Snape, Potions,” Percy Weasley explained, “But everyone knows it’s the Dark Arts he’s after.”

Harry nodded slowly and resigned not to look the Professor in the eyes again.  
  


 

Harry sat expectantly in his first ever potions lesson.

He looked around in wonder at the many glass jars filled with all manner of strange things-from organ-like shapes to whole creatures floating in an eerie stillness.

Ron, the boy he had befriended on the train, nudged him and gestured to the inkwell and quill in front of him. He picked it up and copied the title which was written on the board.

He had a sense of excitement about the lesson, but dread about meeting this ‘Professor Snape’ again.  
  
  
_“You can take him for the whole summer down to that village if you like, Sev. I’d like to go with Vernon and Dudley on a Mediterranean cruise, and I’d like a bit of time afterwards to enjoy my family.” Petunia stated, putting the cup of tea in front of him._

_“Your devotion to your nephew is heart- warming, Tuny, but Dumbledore does not think taking the boy away from Lily’s blood relatives for too long is a good idea. Even in secret and even to a muggle village in the middle of nowhere. I am taking a great risk taking him anyway, let alone for more than a couple of weeks.”_

_Petunia scoffed and mumbled something under her breath which Severus chose to ignore. It sounded an awful lot like ‘freak bastard’._

_“By the way, Severus, he needs new clothes. Since you’re having this secret father time, I would appreciate it if you would buy him some.” Severus bristled at her comments._

_“And what do you tell Vernon is the reason for my doing that? Who does he think I am?” Severus asked quickly._

_“I told him you were his God Father, he didn’t even ask your name. I know you’re sending us money, but it would be nice to have some actual help as well.”_

_“Fine.” Severus grumpily replied._

_“Not wizard rubbish! Proper clothes.”_

_“Fine.”_  


 

Severus was standing outside the door ready to take his first ever lesson with the first years, Harry included.

This class couldn’t be more hostile: there was the offspring of the Crabb, Goyle and Malfoy families, no mistakes could be made.

He cleared his head and focused his thoughts.

Show time.

He burst through the classroom door as dramatically as he could manage, his robes billowing out behind him. He stopped at the podium at the front of the room, surveying the students.

His black ensemble usually gave him a sinister edge. His black robes had the duel benefits of making him look older (head of a house at the tender age of 31 was not always met with confidence) and also gave him an air of authority (his ‘responsible adult disguise’ as he called it).

His stomach gave a lurch as his lovers eyes looked up at him from the face so strikingly similar to his younger self.

Harry.

He tore his eyes away and started his usual introduction, looking at each child in turn, searching for the danger ones.

All three Death Eater children were in the front row, gazing up at him with reverence. Good.

He noticed his Harry had started taking detailed notes and was hanging off his every word with interest. His pride was quickly replaced by a sensed opportunity.

“Of course some pupils in this class are arrogant enough to not pay attention…” He said to the room before settling his eyes on Harry.

A quick nudge from Ron and his son’s eyes were back on his, shining innocently in the candle light.

He had no choice: this child had to believe he hated him and he had to get that message back to the Dark Lord’s followers.  


 

_“Severus. I agree this is the only way to protect Harry and to keep you behind the enemy lines- but it seems so heartless. Could you really distance yourself from your son like that?” Dumbledore asked with a worried expression._

_Severus sighed and looked at the baby in his arms, a fresh lightning cut on his forehead._

_“Dumbledore, a good parent only wants the best for their children. I was a Death Eater, and it was only out of love for him and his mother that I changed sides at all. The best thing for him is to believe his father was a hero-a popular and much loved wizard-“ he inwardly cringed at this description of James, “not a vicious Death Eater who would have wound up in Azkaban had he not become a traitor as well!”_ _Dumbledore chuckled and rested his hand on Severus’ shoulder._

_“You write yourself off so easily, Severus, but you are proving every day there is far more to you than your past mistakes. You may well make him proud of you yet!”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous, he cannot know, it’s too dangerous!”_

_Severus slumped and he brushed the hair out of the sleeping boy’s eyes. Dumbledore raised an eyebrow._

_“A good father hides in the shadows from his son, ashamed of who he is?” He asked._

_Severus looked at the flagstones on the floor of the headmaster’s office._

_“Sometimes being a dad means going to Quiddich matches and teaching spells, talking about girls and singing lullabies. Sometimes it entails putting a mask on, being a dick to everyone and lying to the Dark Lord’s face.”_  


 

“If it isn’t our newest celebrity…” Severus stated quietly.

The Slytherins started giggling, doing so even more as Severus asked one difficult question after another, all of which were met with a frightened “I don’t know, sir,” by Harry.  
Severus tormented him in this way until the end of the lesson. His heart ached a little when Harry shot him an angry look when he didn’t think his teacher’s eyes were on him.

He had succeeded, but it was the furthest from victory he had ever felt.


	7. Fun and Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus blows off some steam in a muggle bar.  
> How will he feel about Harry putting himself in danger? 
> 
> Warning: Explicit sexual content

Severus swept the bar for his friend. 

He was in a busy cocktail bar in a corner of London, wearing a white shirt, black trousers and his hair washed and brushed back. 

Without his ‘responsible adult disguise’, he looked 31 again.  


His friends were muggles whom he had known since primary school. During his Death Eater years he had totally dismissed them from his life, however had made contact again when he found himself with no one left in the wizarding world.  


Secret friends, a secret son, secret lover, secret loyalties- he wondered sometimes how he kept it all straight in his head.  


“Hey, Sev!” Called a young, dark haired man in a suit at the bar. Severus smiled and headed over to him.  


“Hi, Ollie, how’re things?” Severus greeted, shaking his friend’s hand. 

They ordered drinks and sat down at a table near the bar.  


“The world of corporate finance is murky and dull as ever,” Ollie answered, adjusting his tie, “pays good though so don’t have to do it for long- thank fuck! How’s the new term at that posh school going?”  


Severus sighed and played with a coaster.  


“It’s ok, loads of work and not great perks, but there we are.” He answered.  


“What school was it you teach at, again? My mate sends his kid to one ‘north of the border’, said I’d ask if it was yours.”  


Severus calmed his mind to come up with a satisfactory lie.  


“St Thomas’, one of the Blue Shield schools-very exclusive,” He lied. 

Ollie looked impressed, even though this information was completely made up. Severus inwardly grinned to himself. Ollie was so used to schmoozing businessmen he now couldn’t stop himself sucking up to everyone.  


“No, it wasn’t that one. Its criminal they don’t pay you much if it’s so exclusive though!”  


“I didn’t really come here to talk about work, Ollie. Who are you liking?” Severus cast his eyes around the room, settling on a tall brunette in a short dress playing pool. 

She had a friend with her, blonde and dressed in green.  


“Wow, yeh, they look promising!” Ollie agreed, his eyes falling on the women like a predator does prey. 

 

Severus slammed into her body harder and harder, holding her dress up with one hand, his other hand on her hips, pulling her onto him. He was as rough and hard as he had taken to being since he had last made love to Lily almost a decade ago-he didn’t make love anymore, he fucked.  


The girl was bent over the sink in the toilets of the bar, barely able to get a breath out, amazed by his ferocity and stamina. 

Her hands were behind her, holding his belt loops, pulling him into her encouragingly.  


He finished quickly and pulled out of her unceremoniously, flicking he condom into the bin and collapsing onto the surface next to the sink.  


She adjusted and pulled her knickers back up, her dress down and redid her make up in the mirror.  


“That was fucking hot, Sev,” She said mostly to her reflection. 

He sighed and laughed to himself, enjoying the afterglow, mind blissfully blank.  


“Yeh, we’ll have to do something sometime,” he suggested for politeness only. 

She seemed to understand, neither exchanging numbers, kissing deeply before finding their friends and leaving. 

 

Harry had been thinking about Snape over the Christmas holiday. 

This man was obviously a Dark wizard and was probably trying to steal whatever was hidden on the closed off corridor. 

Harry felt he had to expose him, he could not be deterred or intimidated by the Potions Master.

 _Severus sat with little Harry in his lap by the fire in the pub in Cornwall. ___

_Harry was holding his milk bottle with both hands, sucking the liquid out hungrily while his father watched him between sipping on his pint. A young woman, around Severus’ age, gestured to the chair in front of them. ___

_“Hi, couldn’t help but notice you by yourselves, can I join you?” She asked quietly. Severus nodded and tightened his grip on Harry’s waist. ___

_“He’s so cute!” The girl cooed. “What’s his name?” ___

_Severus unconsciously brushed Harry’s black hair over his son’s scar. ___

_“Toby,” He lied, “and I’m Ollie.” ___

_They reached out and shook hands before sitting back in their chairs. She adjusted her short skirt and crossed her long legs, one over the other. ___

_“I’m Rebecca, I work in the bakery across the street. Maybe you and Toby should come and visit me sometime?” She smiled nervously and watched Severus flick his eyes to Harry then back to her legs. ___

_He cursed himself, a pang of guilt springing up from his stomach and sighed. ___

_“Yeh, maybe. It was nice to meet you, Rebecca, but I’d better put the baby to bed…” ___

 

“Lord Voldemort got very close this time, I am afraid to say he is more resourceful than I had imagined.” Dumbledore said to Severus.  


Severus had just completed his evening run on the grounds and was only wearing his jogging bottoms, a black tank top and black gloves. 

He lay out on the grass, exhausted and horrified.  


“We suspected Quirrell was working with dark forces, but the Dark Lord himself?” He sighed in disbelief, sitting up and resting his elbows on his knees. “And I hope you will be punishing the three students who put themselves in danger just for glory!” he spat. 

“You mean Harry?” Dumbledore chuckled. “He prevented Voldemort from obtaining the Philosopher’s stone and regaining his former power, Severus, you should be proud!”  


“Proud? He ignores the school rules, he does whatever he wants; he’s arrogant, big headed and put himself in danger!” 

Severus’ heart was beating a hundred times a minute, and this time, it wasn’t from his workout. 

His eyes stung with tears at the thought of Harry squaring off against his former master at the age of eleven.  


“Yes, indeed, Severus. He’s just like his father.”  


“He’s not. He’s acting like James because everyone is telling him how like him he is. When I suggested we pretend James was his father I never thought I would have to witness the fall-out first hand.”  


“He asked why you hated James so much,” Dumbledore said, an edge to his voice. 

Severus stilled and looked at the old wizard in a panic.  


“What did you tell him?”  


“That he saved your life, you found that unforgivable.”  


“That’s a fucking lie!” Severus spat before disciplining himself. 

“Sorry, Headmaster. I do not feel I owe James anything I hated him because he was an arseho- I mean, he was a bully…”  


“A bully you entrusted your son to.”


	8. Musings on a Dark Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus is left reeling at Harry's willingness to put himself on the line. He finds memories of his own past haunting him as he attempts to lay down plans for next year.  
> Flashbacks are in italics  
> Warning, insinuation of domestic abuse.

Severus sat alone in his quarters at Hogwarts, deep in thought.  


He swilled his glass of Fire Whiskey, enjoying the clink of the ice cubes against the sides of the tumbler, a photo of himself and Harry as a baby on his lap.  


The picture had been taken by a fisherman in the village he had taken Harry to when he was too small to remember- a few stolen weeks of peace and normality for them both.  
  
In the photo, his hair was pulled off his face, dark sunglasses matching his black tank top and black jeans. Harry was wearing a similar outfit, but with a green t shirt to match his eyes, smiling at the camera from Severus’ arms.  


“He’ll never know.” Severus said to himself.  


He found his thoughts straying to another boy in Harry’s class-Draco Malfoy.  


Draco had been nasty from the outset of the year, venom spewing from his young mouth from day one, upsetting most other students he came into contact with. The way he carried himself was with a forced confidence which Severus could see through easily, but other members of staff mistook for arrogance and privilege.  


This was exactly why Severus had been made the head of Slytherin- he could spot the warning signs of dark leanings better than anyone.  


Draco was the perfect candidate for the Dark Lord: he was desperate to prove himself, sought his parent’s approval and had little to no true confidence in his individual talents. He bullied others to validate himself and ganged up on his chosen victims rather than face them alone.  


Severus sipped his drink and tucked the picture back into a secret compartment in the fireplace.  


Harry shared these traits too.  


He cursed himself and stood up, leaning over the fire, watching the flames.  


Harry had put the Philosopher’s stone and preventing Quirrol from taking it over his own safety. What was he trying to prove?  


Severus felt his throat tense as he realised the answer: He was trying to live up to his own legend and show he was worthy of this new life as a wizard.  


Tuny had written to Severus frequently over the years, explaining how withdrawn Harry was, how passive and quiet, yet always seemed to be in the centre of trouble.  


Just like Severus as a boy.  
  


Severus had hoped Harry had inherited his mother’s easy-going nature and sense of self- worth, but it was looking increasingly like this was not the case. 

This would make things far more complicated. 

The boy was brave, talented and hard working- but also deeply flawed. When the Dark Lord truly returned, half of Severus’ job would be to stop Harry from going after him.  
  
_Severus stepped into the house hurriedly, pushing passed the muggle policeman and shouting for his mother. A Sargent reached out and grabbed his leather jacket, hauling him against the wall. ___

_“This is a crime scene, young man,” the officer said, grabbing Severus’ sunglasses off his face. ___

_Severus glared at him. ___

_“This is my fucking house!” He snapped, “Where are my parents: Tobias and Eileen Snape?” ___

_The Sargent’s expression darkened and released his hold on the teenager. ___

_“I think you’d better sit down, Master Snape,” he said softly. ___  
  


Dumbledore paced his office, ignoring his Heads of House who were sitting quietly on chairs in front of him.  


“Clearly we need a show of force,” Dumbledore said, mostly to himself, “We need to instil confidence in the school’s abilities to protect our students.”  


“The Daily Profit is all over a scandal at Hogwarts, Sir,” Professor Flitwick ventured, “They don’t know everything, but the news that a Troll got into the castle is on the front page!”  


The other Heads groaned and passed the paper around between them.  


“This is outrageous!” Professor McGonagall stated, eyeing the article with distaste.  


“Of course we can keep them safe, that was a freak accident!” Professor Sprout exclaimed.  


“Perhaps we need a Defence against the Dark Arts teacher who knows what they’re doing,” Severus voiced hopefully. The other Heads turned to look at him with bored expressions.  


“I think you’re right, Severus,” Dumbledore answered, to everyone’s surprise.  


Severus stood up and placed his hands on either side of the Headmaster’s desk, leaning over it slightly.  


“Give me the role then, Headmaster. I swear, I will arm the students with the knowledge they will need to fight the Dark Arts,” he requested.  


Flitwick and Sprout snorted behind him.  


“The Dark witches and wizards are behind bars, Severus, I don’t know who you’re expecting the students to come up against…” Sprout started.  


Severus turned to face her, eyes flashing.  


“Not all of them, Pomona, or we wouldn’t still have an Aura’s office, would we?” He argued. She met his glare and scoffed again.  


“Severus is right, Professor Sprout, we need a strong person in the role of Defence against the Dark Arts teacher,” Dumbledore said from the window.  


Severus felt his hopes rise and his heart quicken. Finally- a real challenge! Maybe next year won’t be so tedious after-all!  


“Minerva,” Dumbledore addressed, turning to face the Griffendor, “Please send an owl to Gilderoy Lockhart requesting a meeting with him.”  


Fuck’s sake.  


“Professor,” Severus started, anger threatening to boil over, “Gilderoy Lockhart is a flashy joke!”  


Dumbledore chuckled and sat down at his desk, eyeing the young man’s face with slight amusement.  


“He is much loved by parents and students alike, Severus. He is the perfect appointment to put everyone’s minds at ease so we can carry on smoothly next year. Besides,” he looked into Severus’ eyes with a softened expression, “I wouldn’t want to pull you away from potions, you are irreplaceable there. Thank you for volunteering though, your school spirit has been noted.”  


Severus held back the swear words which were forming in his mouth and gave a curt nod instead, before sweeping quickly out of the room, ignoring the looks from the other teachers. 

 

_“Your Mum is in a critical condition, lad,” The policeman was saying._

_Severus was sitting in his living room, watching the police taking pictures of the blood pool on the floor and the spatters up the walls. ___

_He felt numb and was barely registering anything the man was telling him. ___

_“We have taken your Dad in for questioning, but it would be useful if you could answer a few questions for us…” He looked at his notes for the youth’s name, “Severus.” He read._

_The officer watched the boy nodding slowly._

_“So are you Gypsies or something?” He asked._

_Severus stared at him, confused._

_“Just, don’t come across a name like that every day,” the man quickly explained, “And it would shed some light on the ‘spell books’ we found on search of the house.”_

_Severus’ head snapped up sharply, panic in his eyes._

_“I think I’d like you to leave now.” He said quickly._

_The officer held his hands up apologetically and handed the teenager a card with his number on it._

_“It’s a lot to take in, I understand. Contact me if you have any questions, I’ll be in touch after you’ve had time to digest.”_


	9. A History of Criminality

Ollie sat on Severus’ arm chair in his living room opposite their other friend, Rich, both swigging beers and chatting loudly.  


Severus pulled a white shirt over his black t shirt and rolled the sleeves up before opening a beer to join them.  


“I really wanted to bang that girl from accounts this year too,” The blond man, Rich, was saying, “but she’s so up herself she never came for a drink with me!”  


“Life’s littered with wasted opportunities,” Ollie lamented. He turned to Severus who had taken a seat on the sofa.  


“So, what’s with you? Barely spoke to you since we picked up those birds in London,” He asked. 

Severus looked at the floor. 

There was no way he could even begin to explain what was occupying his mind.  


He inwardly sighed and took a gulp of beer.  


“Let’s see. Been busy as usual, and been passed over for the job I wanted A-Fucking-Gain.” He snapped.  


Rich laughed and raised his can to him.  


“Wasted opportunities, buddy,” he said in mock sadness.  


“I’m not going to think about school, I’m on summer holidays-you know what that means?” Severus announced.  


“You’re not planning on being sober until September?” Ollie laughed.  


“Exactly.” 

 

_Severus shivered in the interview room at the police station._

_He looked around at the battle-ship-grey walls and the old wooden desk he was sitting at, a muggle recording device on the desk in the middle of it._

_Two policeman entered the room and sat down in front of him._

_“Am I under arrest?” Severus asked nervously._

_The older of the two men opened a file he was holding and started to read it to himself, glancing up at the teenager every few lines._

_He closed it and rested his hands on top._

_“It wouldn’t be the first time, would it, Master Snape? Car theft, drug dealing, drunk and disorderly and so on- you’ve been a very busy young man,” the officer answered._

_Severus resisted his rising temper and took a slow breath._

_“What does that have to do with my Mum?” He asked defiantly._

_The other officer looked slightly softer at him, but still with a stern tone to his demeanour._

_“We’re trying to establish the facts, Severus,” The second man explained. He opened his note book. “Your father has confessed to manslaughter, you have our condolences, by the way; but there are a few gaps we need to fill in to gain an accurate picture. He said you were with a gang. Is that your old crew or a different group?”_

_Severus’ mind jumped to the Death Eater meeting but he remained tight lipped._

_Stupid Muggles don’t know what they’re dealing with._

_“Other Gypsies maybe?” The second officer ventured. Severus flushed in anger. ___

_“We’re not Gypsies, and no, I was with some friends at the time. I was walking passed my house and saw the lights…” He fought to dispel the memory as tears began to form in his black eyes._

_The first officer leaned forwards, pen in hand._

_“These ‘friends’ of yours have names?” He asked._

_“Why, am I a suspect? Am I under arrest?”_

_“No…”_

_“Then that’s all I want to say to you. I was nowhere near the house when he attacked her. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to be left to grieve.”_

_The officers looked at each other and exchanged a look of resignation._

_“Very well, sorry to have troubled you.” The older man said, “But if I can give you a bit of advice?” He tapped the file with his pen and locked eyes with Severus. “You’re only eighteen, lad. You have your whole life ahead of you. It’s never too late to turn over a new leaf and fulfil your potential.”_

_Severus stood up, grinning at the two men._

_“Oh, don’t worry, Sir. I am.”_

 

“Mr Snape?” The Inn keeper called through the door, knocking gently.  


Fuck! What time is it? Am I still dreaming?  


“Mr Snape?”  


“What?” Severus spat, rolling in bed onto his back.  


“There’s a Lucius Malfoy here to see you. Should I tell him to wait downstairs?”  


Shit-what does he want?  


“Sure, tell him I’ll be down in a minute.” Severus covered his aching head with his left arm, his right landing on something warm and soft. 

He turned in surprise to see a pretty young witch sleeping soundly in the bed next to him.  


Merlin, I have got to slow down!  


He carefully climbed out of bed and grabbed his robes and underwear, dressing quickly and crossing to the mirror. The sight which greeted him was not pleasant.  


He had purple bags under his eyes from days of late nights, an alcohol blush still present in his cheeks and lipstick all over his face and neck.  


He cursed and washed his face, before crossing to the door and walking down the stairs to the room below.  


 

Lucius Malfoy was standing in the pub section of the Leaky Cauldron Inn looking very out of place in his finery.  


“Lucius,” Severus greeted, shaking off his hangover and extending a hand.  


Lucius smiled warmly and took it before sitting at a nearby table.  


“I just wanted to let you know, my friend, that there are some rumours fluttering about next year at Hogwarts,” Lucius said in a hushed tone. Severus stilled and met his friend’s eyes.  


“Like what, Lucius? What’s happening?”  


Lucius smiled knowingly but was not forthcoming with any detail.  


“Let’s just say, it’s going to be an interesting year for you. Since we’re on the same side,” Lucius nudged his arm, “I thought it prudent to warn you.”  


Severus accepted a cup of tea off a happy-looking waitress and smiled as warmly as he could at Lucius.  


“Well, thank you for the warning, cryptic as it is,” he said.  


“One finds one can never be too careful. These are dangerous times for us, my friend- but not to worry. You will find out in due course.”  


I can hardly wait, Severus thought bitterly.

**END OF BOOK 1**


	10. Birthday Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus gets some bad news about an escapee from Azkaban Prison.  
> Lily celebrates her birthday with her best friend
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics

BOOK 2

 

_“Happy Birthday, Lily!” Severus ran forward and cuddled his friend with all his strength, giggling gleefully as his embrace was returned._

_They separated but held onto each other’s hands, facing each other._

_“I’m so glad you came, Sev! Can you believe I’m ten now? Double figures!” Lily laughed, locking her eyes on his excitedly._

_Her pretty pink dress caught the breeze and her hair flew to one side with it._

_The tables in the garden were decorated with pink balloons and covered in finger food, the pink-iced cake taking centre stage._

_Severus felt silly in his ill-fitting clothes and messy hair, but he didn’t mind at present._

_Mrs Evans came over carrying a large pot and set it down on the closest table, flanked by a sour looking Petunia._

_“Ah, Severus!” Lily’s mother exclaimed, embracing him warmly, “So pleased you could come!” She took a step back, eying him carefully. “Honestly, I’d have thought your mother would have at least combed your hair for the party,” she declared, running her fingers through it._

_Severus blushed and tried to help her smooth it down._

_“It’s no good, Mum,” Lily stated, “Severus’ hair has a life of its own! It never stays down- does it, Sev?”_

 

Severus hadn’t bothered to put on his robes this morning, not after reading The Daily Prophet.  


He crashed through the house in a rage, pulling over cupboards and bookshelves, blinded by anger.  


“HE GOT OUT! THAT FUCKING BASTARD GOT OUT!” He screamed into the air, over and over until his voice was hoarse and he had to sit down.  


He fell to his knees in his pyjamas, paying no attention to the trashed living room around him.  


“Sirius Black, that FUCKING TRAITOR! HE LED HIM TO LILY!”  


It had been years since he’d brought himself to say her name out loud and he was slightly disgusted how odd it had sounded. 

He bowed his head and wept, tears falling like a flood, shaking with sobs. 

 

Two weeks and several bottles of fire whiskey later, a letter came to him from Dumbledore.  


 

_**Dear Severus,** _

_**Thank you for once again applying for the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher.**_

_**I regret to inform you that your application has not been successful and would like to invite you to continue in your much appreciated role as Potions Master.**_

_**The Defence Against the Dark Arts role has instead gone to Mr. Remus Lupin.**_

_**Thank you again for your interest in the position and we look forward to seeing you in September.**_

_**Kind Regards,**_

_**Professor Albus Dumbledore**_

_**Headmaster.**_

 

Severus screwed up the letter after the second re-read and threw it into the fireplace.  


‘Much appreciated’ my arse.  


His first reaction was quitting. He could grab Harry from Petunia’s, tell him everything, run away and start a new life abroad with him as father and son- away from the Chamber of Secrets, The Dark Lord and that damn Headmaster who seemed to delight in using them both for his own ends.  


“It’s not like I can’t steal a car for the trip,” Severus sniggered to himself.  


The thought of telling Harry after all this time and everything he, Snape, had put him through, was not a pleasant thought. 

So many questions and shattered dreams. So many lies to unpick and affairs to explain.  


“Let’s see,” he rehearsed into his lonely living room, watching the fire burn the letter, “Harry, I’m really sorry I essentially abandoned you for the last twelve years, but the truth is; I didn’t want you to know your father is a Death Eater whose only redeeming feature is love for you and your late mother. I’ve always watched over you and would die before I let anyone hurt you…” 

He sighed and slumped back in his chair, pulling his robes around himself.  


No fucking way. Have to suck it up then.  


He rolled his eyes at the thought of seeing Lupin again. That damned Werewolf had stood idly by as James had ruthlessly turned his dream of Hogwarts into a nightmare.  


He had gone to Hogwarts a shy little boy with big dreams: Rough around the edges but ready to belong to the magical world and achieve great things. By the end of his school career and after years of James and his friend’s bullying, he was an angry, bitter teen with criminal links to gangs and leanings towards the dark arts.  


He leaned forwards and pulled out a book on the bottom shelf, slipping a photograph from between the pages. 

His ten year old self shone a smile out from the photo, the ten year old Lily draped over his shoulders mid-giggle. 

A single tear dripped from his eye, down his long nose and onto the photo.  


“I miss you,” he whispered to the girl. 

 

 _“Severus, do you want a piece of cake?” Lily asked, handing him a paper plate before he’d given his answer._

_He took it, but looked at the grass he was sitting on, shame welling up inside him._

_“Sorry I couldn’t get you anything for your birthday, Lil,” he said quietly._

_Lily sat down next to him and kissed his cheek, causing him to blush._

_“You made it the best birthday ever by being here, Severus, I don’t need anything else from you,” she replied._

_He put the plate down and wrapped his arms around her tightly._

_“I love you, Lily. Now and always,” He whispered._

_“Always,” She agreed._


	11. Remus Lupin

Remus Lupin.

The sight of the man chattering away with the members of staff at the opening feast was enough to put Severus off his food. 

Remus ‘bystander’ Lupin. 

Seven years Severus had been forced to endure the taunts and attacks of Lupin’s friends. Seven years of outright bullying that Lupin did nothing about. 

Remus ‘Fucking’ Lupin. 

Severus hated Remus Lupin almost as much as he hated James, though not nearly as much as he hated Sirius Black. 

Severus had put a cuckoo in James’ nest, so some of James sins would have to be forgiven. 

Sirius told the Dark Lord where Lily and Harry were: if Severus found him he’d reduce him to entrails. 

Lupin was a different animal. His sin was inaction, not anything in particular that he’d actually done, and therefore his punishment was a lot more difficult to decide.   


“I would like to present our new Defence against the Dark Arts Teacher: Professor Remus Lupin!” The Head teacher’s announcement rang through the great hall and was met with happy applause from the students. 

Severus made a show of taking a rather large glug of wine from his goblet and shooting a sarcastic look at some nearby Slytherin seventh years. 

The Sytherins winked at him in acknowledgment and stopped clapping immediately. 

Watch out, Lupin, I’m not alone this time. 

 

“The Dementors seemed to take an interest in Harry,” Dumbledore said, almost absentmindedly. 

Severus felt a heavy weight form in his chest. 

“How so? Is he alright?” 

Dumbledore walked a small circle behind his desk and towards the window in his office. The room was filled with little ticks and whirs from his various little machines on the surfaces. 

“Remus Lupin has taken the time to teach him the Patronus Charm, in order for Harry to be able to resist their effects.” 

Severus choked on his tea and placed his hot mug down carefully. He turned his Onyx eyes fully onto the older wizard. 

“Firstly, are you telling me this to reassure me that my son is safe, or are you trying to manipulate me in my feelings towards a certain werewolf?” 

Dumbledore chuckled and didn’t answer. Severus waited for one, but lost patience. 

“Secondly, I would like to take over that lesson. Lupin should not be near Harry on his own- not with his….affliction.” 

Dumbledore tutted and turned on his heal. His fiery glare knocked Severus’ confidence dramatically until he felt himself bowing his head. 

“Don’t be like that, Severus, you know full well that as long as you continue to produce a decent Wolfs bane potion for Professor Lupin, no one is in any danger. As for teaching Harry the Patronus Charm, what would be your reason for taking the task from Remus?” 

 

_There was a loud knock at the door. Petunia rolled her eyes and covered her bowl and dough ball with cling film, before answering the door._

_Severus pushed his way passed her, Harry in his arms, with a large hold all and blanket over his shoulder._

_He dumped the bag and blanket into a pile and sat at the kitchen table with the toddler._

_Petunia huffed and clicked on the kettle, before standing angrily in front of the young man._

_“You’re a bit early back, I wasn’t expecting you until five at least.” Petunia pointed out._

_Severus pulled Harry closer to his own chest, playing with his tiny hand._

_“I got an owl this morning. They’re having my final hearing later this afternoon, they’ve moved it up.” Severus explained nervously. Petunia blinked and furrowed her brow._

_“What will be decided then? I thought you were under Dumbledore’s protection?”_

_Severus’ eyes didn’t leave Harry’s. He looked at him sadly, hands starting a shake slightly._

_“His word carries a lot of weight, but I had to plead guilty to everything to get bail. There’s…a lot of bad stuff on that list…”_

_Petunia sighed and made two cups of tea, eying him with uncharacteristic concern._

_“What…what would they do if they don’t take Dumbledore’s deal?” she asked quietly._

_Severus started to struggle to hold himself together. His fear and shame started hitting him in waves and his breathing became ragged._

_“Either a life in wizard prison-where most people just go mad from despair- or…”_

_He blinked hot tears down his face, struggling to wipe them away with the sleeve of his hoody._

_Petunia’s mind flashed with understanding._

_“Or they’ll kill you?” She ventured._

_Severus laughed sadistically and looked away._

_“Worse. They’ll get a creature to drain me of any comfort or joy I have left, then suck out my soul. It’s supposed to be unbearable to witness, let alone…” He held back his sobs and cuddled Harry closer still._

_The little boy’s green eyes flicked curiously to his father’s face._

_Petunia handed him his cup of tea, taking Harry from him and putting the boy on her hip._

_“We’ll have to hope they take the deal then.”_


	12. The Flight of the Dementors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus confronts Sirius Black- only for him to escape. 
> 
> Lily speaks to Severus about their relationship.
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics

Remus Lupin was finally feeling happier.  


Twelve years previously, he had watched helplessly as his best friend, Sirius Black, had been dragged away to Azkaban- all the while protesting his innocence.  


The loss of James and Lily had hit Remus exceptionally hard: he hadn’t been in any state to help Sirius, only stare as the dementors took his friend.  


Now that Sirius was out, Remus was questioning the official story once more.  


 

Snape certainly was not helping.  


In the staffroom, Severus was cold, distant and occasionally outright nasty to him. 

He noticed this seemed to have gotten worse since he had started teaching Harry the Patronus Charm to repel the dementors- but this was probably due to Harry’s link to James.  


 

James. Remus was thinking of him more and more as well. 

The other teachers had warned him gently how similar Harry was to James and in many ways, Remus could see it.  


Harry was confident, brave and determined- just like his father. 

His dark hair stuck up in odd angles in a way that James always wished his had.  


Beautiful green eyes, a gift from his mother, shone from Harry’s face, lifting Remus’ heart. 

Being with the boy did remind Remus of his former friends.  


But there was something off about Harry as well.  


He had an edge of darkness and a deep emotional strength that Remus had never noticed in either James or Lily.  


Harry was quick thinking and resourceful, but underneath it all deeply troubled too.  


Remus thought with some sadness that the differences must be from his upbringing. He was happy to be a mentor to Harry as a favour to James.

 

 _“What’s the matter, Lily? You seem distant?”_

_Thirteen year old Severus was lying under the tree by the Great Lake with Lily, who was reading._

_Lily sighed and closed her book, fixing her gaze on the leaves above them._

_“Nothing, really. It’s just…do the people in your house give you a hard time for being friends with me?” she asked quietly._

_She felt Severus still beside her and he took a long time to speak._

_“Yes,” he answered truthfully._

_“Doesn’t that bother you?” Lily followed. Severus rolled onto his side and brushed her cheek gently with his fingers._

_She blushed and leaned into his touch._

_“There is nothing I wouldn’t endure for you, Lil. You’re my whole world.” He answered._

_Before she knew what she was doing, she took his hand and gently pressed kisses to his fingers. He sighed happily and place a butterfly kiss of his own on her cheek._

_“You’re my best friend, Sev. Let’s always be together?”_

_“Now and always,” came the reply._

 

Severus came to under the stars beside the Whomping Willow. 

He tried to get up but pain ripped through his chest as his muscles tensed- a sure sign of broken ribs.  


His mind raced as to how he had got into this state. The memories flooded back, pain and anger with them.  


Sirius Black.  


Severus had cornered him, stripped him of his wand and had trapped his old pal Remus Lupin with him. Weasley had been injured, Granger helping him, Harry boldly facing Black down.  


Just as Severus had thought he had won, a blast knocked him from his feet and into the wall. 

The blast had come from his own child.  


Severus cursed and tried to sit up again, taking full note of where he was.  


How had he got outside? Where were those bastards and what had they done with Harry?  


What had that lying arsehole said to make Harry attack him?  


Severus felt adrenaline shoot into his body and managed to get up, issuing a grunt.  


His robes had been badly ripped: he shrugged them off leaving his skin bare from his waist up.  


The cold air dried his sweat, cooling his skin and sending his mind to lucidity.  


Severus stood and listened carefully. He heard the trees shaking in the night air, the rustle of animals- then an unmistakable cry for help. Harry.  


 

Severus ran as quickly as his long legs could carry him, putting his training into action as he flew down the hill towards the great lake.  


There was a layer of thick cloud over the water: black shapes moving in a spiral in a way Severus had never seen before. 

He stopped dead when he realised what he was seeing.  


“What the…?” He asked the air.  


Dementors: hundreds of them, all descending on a fixed point by the water’s edge. 

He narrowed his eyes, trying to make out the focus of their attack, only for his heart to stop in his chest.  


There, clutching an unconscious-looking Sirius Black, was Harry.  


Severus took out his wand and started rushing towards the lake. 

He prepared happy memories of Lily fresh in his mind through the terror he was feeling, ready to cast a Patronus: only to stop dead again. 

Someone had beaten him to it from across the lake.  


Galloping towards the throng of Dementors was a silver stag, shining as bright as the moon, scattering the beasts left and right, forcing a retreat.  


Severus only allowed himself a second or two to watch in wonder before diving at Harry’s slumped body and pulling him into his arms.  


Harry was very pale and shaking. His breath was coming only in small pants, his eyes rolling around in his head in the most alarming way.  


Severus gripped the pulse on Harry’s wrist, only to feel it slowing.  


He shook him in a panic, grabbing at his son’s face.  


“…Dad?” Harry said quietly.  


Severus looked out at the disappearing stag, searching for the spell’s caster. He found the opposite bank empty of life.  


“…Dad?” Harry said again, almost whispering.  


Severus’ throat seized up as he looked down at his rapidly fading son in his arms. He pulled Harry’s hair off his forehead and tried to shake him awake again.  


“Yes, Harry, it’s Dad. Please stay with me…” Severus begged.  


“…Dad- you’re really here?”  


“Yes, Harry. Now and always. Please, son, please stay with me!”

 

Severus slumped in the chair opposite Dumbledore’s desk, shaking in anger.  


“So, after all this time, Black wasn’t the one who betrayed them? It was Peter Petigrew all along?” Severus spat.  


Dumbledore clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth, linking his fingers in front of him.  


“Misters Black, Petigrew and Potter were unregistered Animegi,” Dumbledore explained, “There was no way of tracking Mr Petigrew so we assumed he was dead.”  


“And now Black’s got away anyway? How did he escape?”  


Dumbledore’s blue eyes sparkled but he said nothing.  


Severus was beside himself with rage. 

He was about to receive the first actual honour in the wizarding world- the Order of Merlin- for capturing Black. No doubt that would be taken away from him now. 

Add that injustice to the list.  


Dumbledore leaned forward and appeared to be studying him. Severus cleared his mind in preparation for what looked like a probing conversation.  


“Harry said something rather curious, Severus. He believes James Potter saved him from the dementors by the lake. Did you see anything from where you were?”  


Severus couldn’t help scowling.  


“I didn’t see any dead men walking around, if that’s what you mean,” Severus snapped.  


“Still, that Patronus was in the shape of a Stag, like James’. Curious, no? And Harry was sure he had actually seen James-spoken to him even,”  


“He is obviously mistaken. The boy was delirious when I found him and Black by the lake, he’s lucky someone cast the spell from the other bank. Whoever it was, they were a very powerful spell-caster. And dare I say it- _Alive_.”  


Dumbledore looked unconvinced but sat back as if satisfied.  


“Well, whatever happened this night, Severus, let us be thankful it is over and everyone is safe,” the older wizard stood up and gestured dismissal to Severus, who took the invitation to leave.


	13. Broken Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus' womanizing starts to gain a human face. 
> 
> Remus is punished for Snape's bad day.
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics

Severus ran his fingers gently down the witch’s bare back.  


He traced her shoulder blades with a gentle caress, shifting his naked body in the bed to press against hers.  


His hardness pressed into the slight opening of her thighs as he pulled her back to his chest.  


He let his lips wonder up her soft neck as she stirred in her sleep. A small smile formed on her ruby lips.  


“Good morning,” he whispered, pressing himself tighter against her, his fingers tracing underneath her breasts.  


She sighed softly before rolling over roughly, pushing him away.  
He grumbled in protest, pulling the sheet around his lower half and staring at her quizzically.  


She sat up, draping the sheet over herself as well.  


“Who am I to you, Severus?” She asked.  


Severus blinked a few times and shook his head.  


“What? You’re Margo, you work in the Three Broomsticks: we had sex last night- kind of hoped you’d fancy round two this morning, but clearly not…”  


“That’s what I mean, Sev. Sex, sex, sex- is that all I am to you? A warm body with some pleasurable holes?” She had started going quite red and Severus lost patience.  


He pulled the sheets off himself quickly and grabbed his underwear, before pulling his t-shirt and jeans on.  


“Yeh, that’s right- walk away!” Margo snapped, climbing out of the bed herself. “I’ve been jumping into bed with you whenever you want for the last five fucking years, Severus Snape- don’t you give a shit about me at all?” 

She tugged on her dressing gown and watched him hastily pull on his boots.  


“I thought you knew what this was, Margo! I never led you on, you knew what you were getting into. I thought you felt the same!” Severus protested, standing to face her.  


He felt a pang of guilt as tears started falling from her eyes. She hugged herself and looked at the floor.  


“You’re a handsome guy outside of those stuffy school robes, Sev. You must know what you do to women…I find it really hard to say ‘no’ to you. I don’t mind if there’re others, but I thought-since you kept coming back…” She wiped her tears away and started making the bed in an attempt to distract herself. 

Severus hadn’t moved. She turned her green eyes on him one last time.  


“Do you know what it’s like to love someone-to have them so close, but then to watch them leave you over and over? Do you know what that’s like?” she asked.  


Severus felt a stab in his heart, shame bubbling up inside him.  


“I suggest you say ‘no’ then,” He mumbled, walking quickly out the door.  


 

He rounded the corner in Hogsmead and rested against a wall, breathing deeply.  


Shame and guilt overwhelmed him as he took out a cigarette and lit it quickly.  


It had only been a week since Black had escaped, only a week more of school left, but Severus was desperate to leave the wizarding world already.  


He breathed out a plume of smoke, only to choke on it as Remus Lupin came round the corner.  


Remus stopped for a moment before recognition came over the features. He walked towards Severus and stood against the wall beside him.  


“You’re looking a bit casual for a work day, aren’t you?” He asked.  


Severus shrugged and looked away.  


Remus turned to face him, his stance a little more confrontational.  


“Are you really going to ignore me for the rest of term?” Remus asked grumpily. 

Severus glared at him and blew smoke in his face, sending Remus into a coughing fit.  


“Shove it up your arse, wolf-man,” The Sytherin spat, pushing passed him and towards the castle. 

 

 _Severus sat in the park near his and Lily’s houses, waiting for her. Since they had both turned fourteen they were allowed out later and he was watching the sun setting over the pond._

_Lily bound up to him, her yellow summer dress billowing out behind her. She sat down next to him, giggling._

_“Hello, you,” Severus greeted, sitting up, “What’re you do pleased about?”_

_Lily blushed a little and locked eyes with him._

_“Petunia has a boyfriend!” She exclaimed._

_Severus let his jaw drop in shock and joined her in laughter._

_“Oh my god- you’re kidding! Someone’s going out with Tuny? What’s he like?”_

_Lily rolled her eyes and lifted her face to the setting sun thoughtfully.  
_

_“You know…he kind of looks like you a bit. Like, tall and skinny with a rocker vibe,” Lily said. Severus blushed at her assessment of him and busied himself picking grass._

_“I like him anyway. He’s really serious but he’s quite nice.” Lily added, lying down._

_Severus gulped and decided to take a chance._

_He picked a daisy and floated it to her with his magic, the same way as he had done when they had first met. She giggled and caught it._

_“I suppose you and your sister have the same taste in boys then?” He said quietly._

_Lily sat up sharply, causing him to freeze in shock._

_“I suppose we do,” she replied._

 

Remus packed his case as quickly as he could. 

It was the end of the year and Severus- in a moment of petulance- had told his precious seventh year Slytherins that Remus was a werewolf.  


Word had spread quickly, fearful looks were shot at him in the corridors, comments made in class.  


Remus wanted to sit in a dark corner and cry.  


His entire life he had been plagued with this reaction; his was a very lonely existence. 

Now Severus had taken his income and a place he was starting to feel at home in again.  


A single tear leaked out of his tired eyes as he buckled the case and searched his study, unsure of what to do now.  


There was a quiet knock on the door.  


“Come in,” Remus called, wiping his face.  


Harry stepped in quietly, looking around.  


“Are you going somewhere, Professor?” The boy asked.  


Remus turned and looked at him. 

The boy looked even more vulnerable in his muggle jeans and t shirt, particularly with the concerned expression he was wearing.  


Remus sighed sadly and put his hands in his pockets.  


“I’m afraid word has got out that I’m a werewolf, Harry. Dumbledore has been very kind, but I know from experience it is best if I leave.”  


Harry looked heartbroken. He lost his balance slightly and leaned on the far wall.  


“Snape?” He snapped, “It was him, wasn’t it? Greasy git.”  


“Harry!” Remus chastised, though grinning slightly.  


Harry looked at him angrily, then looked away.  


His tall frame was pressed against the wall, his face out of sight in the other direction.  


Remus was suddenly hit with recognition: Harry looked, in that moment, the same as Severus had in Hogsmead.  


Remus tilted his head and stared.  


Harry had grown in the last year, at least a few inches, and had filled out. Severus was a fully grown man, and very athletic in his build, but Harry was starting to show the beginnings of a very similar physique.  


“Harry,” Remus said, uncertainly.  


Harry looked back at him, a very familiar scowl on his face. Remus felt his heart stop.  


“So he’s just going to get away with it then? Chase you out? You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had!” The boy protested, oblivious to Remus’ internal struggle.  


Remus struggled to compose himself and fixed an apologetic look on his face.  


“I’ll only ever be an owl away, Harry.” Remus walked forwards, putting his hand on Harry’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze.  


Harry stayed for a few minutes before turning and walking out the door, unaware of the Professor’s sharp eyes seeing him properly for the first time.


	14. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus goes to trial. What will be the sentence for being a Death Eater with a heart?
> 
> Present day Severus enjoys being young and reckless, only to discover his son is doing the same. 
> 
> Lily and Severus share a moment which will seal both of their fates. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics

_Severus was physically shaking by the time he had walked across the courtroom and sat on the chair in the middle of the room._

_It was the day of the Ministry’s final verdict, and though Dumbledore’s presence was reassuring, he felt totally alone staring up at the witches and wizards judging him._

_Severus swallowed hard and tried to stay still._

_Whatever happens will happen, I will let them do what they have to do._

_“Severus Snape,” Cornelius Fudge addressed him._

_Severus tried to look up at the newly appointed Minister of Magic, but found himself unable to meet anyone’s eyes._

_“You have confessed to a multitude of crimes; from kidnapping to arson, aiding He Who Must Not Be Named to torture. We have listened to the testimony that you have reformed and switched sides before You Know Who fell, and have considered your case very carefully. I now offer you the chance to ask for leniency if you wish.”_

_Severus listened very carefully and shut his eyes, balling his hands into fists._

_He felt more afraid for himself than at any time in his life._

_His mind was swimming with images of Lily, of his two year old by the beach:He began lamenting how young he was, facing what could be his end, but he accepted punishment for his crimes._

_It took all of his strength, but he shook his head._

_“You do not request leniency, Mr Snape?”_

_“No,” He replied in a choked voice._

_There was silence as papers were signed and dated before being magically whisked away into the ether._

_“Shit shit shit shit,” Severus muttered under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut and rocking on the chair._

_Finally, the Minister stood and addressed the room._

_“Severus Snape. It is the decision of this court that you are to receive the maximum sentence for your crimes…”_

_There was a collective intake of breath from the few people observing the trial._

_Fudge continued, “Although you did change sides and assist the Ministry in defeating He Who Must Not Be Named, this court finds that an example must be made of those who pursue the Dark Path, regardless of any change of heart after the fact._

_“Furthermore, we have taken into account your past history of criminality in both the Magical World and the Muggle one: a conclusion on your tendencies and character can be drawn from this. I therefore pass a sentence of Death by the Dementor’s Kiss.”_

_The room suddenly erupted in loud voices, cheering as well as vocal protests._

_In the middle of the room, the twenty-one year old in the chair had lost his composure and was now bent over, sobbing bitterly into his hands._

_Fudge took a moment to watch the young man’s reaction before gathering his things in preparation to leave._

_“Halt at once!”_

_The room fell silent save for Severus’ quiet crying._

_Attention fell on Albus Dumbledore, standing angrily in the centre of the stands. Fudge slowly sat down._

_Dumbledore walked with purpose to the edge of the viewing platform, making him visible to the entire room._

_“Is this how we reward our allies?” Dumbledore began, looking directly at the Minister._

_“Is this the message we send to our youth? That if mistakes are made, there is no redemption? That we will punish those who have done wrong in the past, despite their ultimate actions in the present?”_

_He cast an eye around the silent room and gave the spectators a small smile._

_“Friends. We must heal the rifts which have come between us and work together- with forgiveness and understanding, in order to build a better future for our children. Without compassion, friendship and love, how are we any different from the Darkness we fight?”_

_“What do you suggest then, Dumbledore?” Fudge snapped, bristling at being undermined in such a display, “he can’t just go free!”_

_Dumbledore turned his blue eyes and half-moon spectacles on the Minister._

_“I will take responsibility for Severus Snape. Allow him to take the job I have offered him at Hogwarts where he can be under my supervision.” The older wizard replied._

_Severus had stopped weeping but still held his head in his hands, listening intently for his fate._

_“Very well.” Fudge spat impatiently, “but he is on parole and is attached to you. If he is dismissed from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the sentence will stand. We will review every three years. Agreed?”_

_Dumbledore issued a small nod, eyes twinkling._

_Fudge looked at Severus, who was now sitting upright again, his tear-stained face very pale._

_“Mr Snape: do you agree?” Fudge asked._

_Severus nodded and looked back at Dumbledore, gratitude pouring out of every inch._

 

An owl arrived for Severus. 

He heard the creature tapping on his window, though his hangover threatened to worsen if he sat up.  


School had been broken up for just under two weeks and he was already losing track of the days.  


Severus rolled over at a particularly loud peck at the window.  


“Fuck off!” He yelled, before padding across the room and letting the bird in.  


The owl dropped a letter on his table before grumpily flying off.  


Severus sat down and opened it, pushing the half empty bottle of fire whiskey to one side.  


_**Dear Severus,**_

_**I have been informed by Mr and Mrs Weasley that Harry Potter is to join them today at the Quidditch World Cup.**_

_**If this arrangement is not acceptable to you, please send your objection by return of owl and I will make an excuse for his non-attendance.**_

_**I hope this letter finds you well,**_

_**Professor Albus Dumbledore**_

_**Headmaster**_

Severus folded the letter and threw it on the embers of the fire, watching it burn away.  


“Lucky kid,” He said to himself, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.  


He stretched before walking over to the phone on his desk, coated with dust from nine months of being left. He picked it up and dialled the number.  


“Rich? It’s Sev, what you up to?”  


“The usual, feeling sorry for myself after too many last night. What time did you make it back?” Came the sleepy response.  


Severus grinned and swapped ears.  


“No idea, mate. Is Ollie there? You two up for a pool tournament this afternoon?” Severus asked. 

He heard a groan from his blond friend, but not a refusal.  


“Red Lion at two then? Give me some time to wake Ollie up, he drank way more than us!” Came the reply after a pause.  


“See you then. Tell Ollie he’s getting the first round, he owes me for the taxi last night.” 

 

Severus and Ollie staggered into Severus’ house on Spinners End, giggling in their drunken haze. 

They had played pool all afternoon but Rich had been buying the drinks and none of them had any idea how many they had consumed.  


Rich gave up on the night pretty early, so Severus and Ollie carried on without him.  


Severus found his key and let them in, half falling over the rolled up Daily Prophet on the mat. 

He quickly shoved the paper out of sight and gestured for Ollie to follow him into the living room.  


Ollie collapsed on the Sofa, smiling to himself.  


“This sofa has been here for years, Sev!” He slurred, moving over to allow Severus to sit next to him.  


“I like it.” Severus placed his hand where he and Lily had woken up together lovingly.  


Ollie rolled his eyes.  


“You need a girlfriend. Like, not a fuck-buddy, but an actual girlfriend.” Ollie stated.  


Severus pretended not to hear him and crossed the room, picking up the Daily Prophet and sitting at the table with it.  


“Like, really! It’s a different girl every night with you, what are you looking for?” Ollie asked.  


Severus’ eyes fell on the front page. There was a picture of the Quidditch World Cup campsite, but the tents were on fire. 

The Dark Mark, spelled in smoke, rose monstrously over the scene.  


“Cock!” Severus exclaimed, leaping to his desk and pulling out some paper.  


Ollie stared at him, mouth open.  


“Wow- that’s a confession!” Ollie said, aghast. 

Severus looked up sharply and registered the misunderstanding.  


“No-no-no, I was just swearing, gimme a minute.” Severus scribbled a frantic note inquiring about Harry’s safety before addressing it to Dumbledore and rushing to the owl in his room. 

 

 _“What do you think?” Lily whispered next to him._

_Both fourteen year olds were childishly huddled up behind a bush in the Evans family garden, spying on Petunia and her new boyfriend ‘Tom’._

_Severus squinted through the foliage and furrowed his brow._

_“He kind of does look like me, doesn’t he?”_

_The teenager was taller than Severus and certainly larger physically as well, but his shoulder length black hair and pale skin, teamed with his black muggle clothing certainly made him resemble the Slytherin._

_Both the teens in the bush froze as they watched Tom lean towards an anxious looking Petunia and kiss her passionately on the lips._

_They mouths moved against each other, though Petunia’s body seemed locked and awkward._

_Severus gagged quietly while Lily giggled into her hands._

_“I really don’t want to watch this,” Lily said, nudging Severus._

_He didn’t move, his eyes fixed on the older pair._

_“I don’t know,” he said, “Joking aside, there’s something quite sweet about it.”_

_Lily rolled her eyes and flopped over onto her back. Severus looked down at her with a soft smile._

_“You were born in the wrong century you know, Sev,” Lily teased, “You’d have done well with the poets and romantics of the olden days!”_

_Severus settled his black eyes on hers, his smile reaching them. Lily’s expression softened into a slightly day-dream look, gazing back at him._

_He leaned forward slightly, then closer when she didn’t pull way._

_His lips hovered hesitantly centimetres from hers._

_Her green eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes, before closing the gap._

_The warmth and softness of Lily’s lips overwhelmed the boy as they connected._

_His heart started beating so strongly in his chest he could hear ringing in his ears, his cheeks flushing red hot._

_He pressed gentle kisses to her mouth, listening to her soft breaths and feeling the pressure returned._

_His heart flew. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before._

_They broke their kiss and looked into each other’s eyes again, both blushing fiercely, struggling to breathe, the line between friendship and love erased forever._


	15. Loosing Focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry starts to get nightmares before his forth year at Hogwarts
> 
> Vernon meets Severus Snape for the first time
> 
> Severus has a final confrontation with Margo
> 
> WARNING: Attempted sexual violence/rape at the end of this chapter and beginning of the next. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics

Harry woke up with a start, his sweat running down his face and chest. He had dreamed of Voldemort again- the same dream: the old man, Wormtail, the old house….  


He rubbed his face and resolved not to go back to sleep, opting instead to start reading ahead for his fourth year at Hogwarts.  


The first book he picked up was potions, which he sneered at.  


“I don’t need to think about that greasy git right now,” Harry spat, throwing the book to one side. 

He lay back down on his bed, rolling onto his side.  


He remembered how Snape had acted in front of his God father, Sirius. Lupin and he had explained how his dad, Sirius and Lupin had been enemies of Snape’s at school. 

Harry smiled to himself. 

He had inherited his father’s battle.  


 

Severus was also having nightmares, but his were of his own making. 

He dreamed of The Dark Lord: his translucent skin, dead snake-like eyes and cruel stare which turned Severus to stone with fear and foreboding.  


The final battle was near, he could sense it in the air. 

 

 _Severus knocked on Petunia’s door and waited excitedly._

_He had pulled on a black blazer over his shirt to appear smarter dressed- but had neglected to remove his heavy set boots or sunglasses._

_Petunia glared at him from the window before opening the door._

_“What are you doing here?” She asked horridly, “Vernon is here with little Dudley!”_

_He smiled broadly and stepped closer._

_“Remember I had the trial today?” He whispered._

_Petunia wrapped her arms around herself in anticipation, but could see from his face the verdict had been good._

_“Well? What happened?” She asked._

_“Dumbledore has given me a job at the school! I’m in the shit if I get sacked from there, sort of suspended sentence with probation, but basically I’m free! Where’s Harry, I want to kiss him silly…”_

_“Absolutely not!” Petunia snapped, preventing him from entering her home. “My family is here, Sev!”_

_Severus sighed and pulled his glasses off his face to see her eyes better._

_“I only have a short time with him, Tuny. When he gets bigger he’ll start to remember me and then I have to wait until he’s in school until I can see him again!_ And even then, I have to put on a show and pretend to hate him. Please let me see my child.” 

_His tone had dropped to a silky, almost seductive sound. This teamed with his sudden eye contact made Petunia feel a familiar shiver._

_Slowly, she nodded and led him into the house._

_“Vernon!” She called, jabbing at Severus until he removed his boots, “We have a guest!”_

_Vernon came out of the living room, flanked by a squat toddler with beady eyes and a squashed nose. He regarded Severus with confusion._

_“Vernon, this is Severus: Harry’s Godfather.” Petunia lied, smiling nervously._

_Vernon stiffened and narrowed his eyes, ignoring the hand Severus had extended towards him._

_“So you’re one of **those types** , are you?” He asked, his voice dripping with venom._

_Severus chuckled and put his hands in his pockets, pulling out his wand._

_He pulled a petal off a rose by the door and transfigured it into a tiny fire engine with flashing lights._

_He handed the toy to a delighted looking Dudley, before straightening back up to look at Vernon again._

_Vernon watched the display with wonder and was too surprised to stop Severus from walking passed him into the living room._

 

Severus grabbed the bottle of fire whiskey and drank deeply.  


He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and coughed as the liquid burned his insides. 

He lifted a shaking hand to the candlelight again and stared to his inside arm through his drunken haze, blinking tears away.  


There was the unmistakeable silhouette of the Dark Mark. It was faint, but it was there.  


Severus put the bottle down and rested his head on his hands, breaths coming in pants as panic took him. 

 

Margo Jumped back from the door as Severus burst in. 

She was furious he was visiting at all, let alone so late at night. 

She pulled her robes tighter around herself as she watched him drunkenly lean against the wall, red eyed and frightened.  


She took a breath and furrowed her brow.  


“What do you want, Sev? I thought I made myself clear last year- we’re done!”  


“I know,” Severus panted, pulling is hair off his face and sitting on the floor, “I just…”  


“You just drank too much at the welcome feast at the school and you thought you’d try your luck.” Margo snapped, tearing her eyes from him and opening the door. 

She gestured to it defiantly, wanting him to leave.  


Severus stayed on the floor. He stared up at her with a suddenly blank expression.  


“I’ve had a really bad day, Margo. I really just want company tonight.” He replied.  


Margo’s body started radiating fury. 

She slammed the door and charged over to him, looming over his sitting form with pure rage.  


“I am not just some warm body you can crawl in next to whenever you fancy it, Severus! You have used me for far too long- I’ve had enough of it!”  


Her shouting seemed to have awakened Severus from his haze and he jumped to his feet with shocking speed. 

Margo leaped back too slowly and felt is hands grab her in a vice grip.  


Severus was shaking with anger she had never seem in him before. She twisted and struggled but failed to loosen his hold. 

She stared at him in terror.  


“What makes you think you can speak to me like that, you fucking bitch?” He demanded, shaking her slightly. “You have no idea what I am capable of- or what I’ve done!”  


Margo shut her eyes tight and started panting for breath as he pulled her backwards towards her bed. 

She felt her legs hit the bedframe and met his eyes imploringly.  


“Severus, please! You’ve had too much to drink, you’re not yourself!”  


A dark chuckle came from her ex- lover accompanied by a dark look.  


“Oh Margo, how wrong you are. I’m more myself than you’ve ever seen. Now be good and don’t fight me.”  


With that, Margo was pushed backwards onto the bed.  


She cried out as he landed on top of her and started forcing kisses to her neck and shoulders, his hands tearing at her robes.  


A knee forced her legs open, the weight of him pushing her into the springs.  


Pure terror gripped her as she thrashed and yelled under him, hardly able to get air as his body crushed her ribcage.  


His hands started pulling her robes up as he undid his own trousers.  


As she felt his fingers brush over her womanhood, she stilled, frozen.  


Her eyes became locked with his as she silently begged him to stop...


	16. A New Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus burns his bridges for the final time with Margo: is he loosing control and drifting into madness?
> 
> Lily and Severus endure a confrontation with a certain James Potter.
> 
> Severus' visit to the Durselys takes an unexpected turn. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Attempted sexual violence at the beginning of this chapter.   
> Physical violence at the end.

“Severus…” Her voice was so small and frightened, not like Margo’s voice at all. 

Severus paused his assault, his hand on his zip ready to release his erection. 

His eyes had locked with hers and he was struck by how green they were.  


 

It was what had attracted him to the bar-maid to start with. 

Her green eyes had stirred his heart, her beauty had done the rest, until he found himself falling into bed with her, worshiping her body again and again.  


They didn’t have much in common, but they both needed each other for companionship in an otherwise lonely world. 

If Severus could ever bring himself to fall in love again, it would have been with Margo.  


 

Here he was about to force himself on her, pinning her beneath him.  


Oh God- what have I done?  


Severus rolled off her and did up his trousers, wrapping his travel cloak around himself in shame.  


Margo jumped off the bed and hurriedly pulled her clothes back into order before sinking to the floor and bursting into hysterical crying.  


Severus tortured himself by listening to her sob before wordlessly getting up and walking out of the door and back into Hogsmead outside. 

 

_Severus had turned fifteen and was happily walking towards the Quidditch Pitch with Lily Evans, the love of his life, holding his hand._

_He had opted to borrow her red and gold scarf and was getting odd looks from other students making their way to watch the match._

_Lily giggled and wrapped her arm around his._

_“I think they know you’re a snake in lion’s clothing,” she muttered._

_He shrugged and sarcastically waved to a couple of fellow Slytherins who had given him the finger._

_“Fuck it, who cares? Your team is against Ravenclaw today and I can’t stand those smug bastards! Ravenclaws think they’re so fucking clever.”_

_“Nothing to do with them beating Slytherin last week then?” Lily quipped._

_Severus was silent for a moment._

_“No,” he muttered._

_Lily laughed and started pulling him along faster._

_“Hey! Evans!” the voice from behind them made Severus grab his wand and spin round._

_Lily spun around as well to see James Potter swaggering towards them wearing his quidditch gear._

_“What do fucking want, Potter?” Severus spat. James gave him a long sneering look and ignored his question, fixing on Lily instead._

_“What are you doing going to the match with Snivelly, Evans? Please tell me this is some kind of bet you lost!”_

_Severus stuck his wand right in James’ face and glared at his rival._

_“Don’t talk to my fucking girlfriend, you troll!” He spat._

_James’ mouth dropped open and he stared at both of them shocked._

_“Are-are you serious?” James asked, looking from one to the other._

_Lily crossed her arms and joined Severus in glaring at him. James started laughing._

_“You are, aren’t you? Wow, Evans, I always wondered where this pity friendship would lead!” James started walking towards the arena backwards, still giggling to himself. “Do me a favour, Evans: don’t fuck him, whatever you do. There’s not enough soap in the world to get that stink off you!”_

_There was a red flash of light and James was unconscious, face down in the mud._

_Severus gasped and looked around for the spell caster, only to find Lily with her wand out._

_She tucked it away quickly and glanced at him while students rushed towards James to help him._

_“He had it coming,” she explained with a shrug._

_Severus grabbed her hand and pulled her to one side, still shocked by her reaction._

_“Lily,” he whispered when they were hidden behind the Quidditch stands, “why did you do that? I could have handled him!”_

_She stepped in close and pulled his mouth to hers with his scarf._

_She gently teased his lips open and kissed him passionately, moaning when he kissed her back with the same emotion._

_She rested her forehead on his and smiled, her arms resting on his shoulders._

_“I will not stand by while someone treats you that way, Sev. We’re in this together,” she explained sweetly._

_Severus held back a choke as his stomach turned over._

_In that moment, he loved her more than ever before._

_They were so wrapped up in each other, they didn’t even see a camera flash beside them._

 

Severus woke up still clothed. 

It was the first time he had been too drunk to get undressed since he had first started at Hogwarts. 

The memories of the previous night with Margo came flooding back to him like a vision of Hell from Dante’s Inferno.  


He covered his face as tears sprang from his eyes in a torrent and he was racked with uncontrollable sobbing. 

The guilt and shame overwhelmed him as he thought what he had almost done: was going to do? 

This was certainly a new low.  


 

Severus attempted to catch his breath and rolled over, gasping as a sudden pain shot down his arm on the inside. 

He rolled off his side and sat up, tugging his sleeve up as he did so.  


He had calved long cuts into the Dark Mark- an attempt to remove it in his inebriation perhaps? 

The blood had clotted and strangely, the outline of the mark was uninterrupted-only his flesh around it had been damaged.  


He hissed to himself at his own stupidity and climbed out of bed.  


After crossing into the corridor, Severus locked himself in the darkness and safety of his private potions store, grabbing ingredients for a hangover cure, as well as a paste to heal his arm.  


The paste was ready made- he kept a batch of it for his cuts and scrapes during his physical training and runs in the Forbidden Forest. The hangover cure was more difficult to make- especially hungover.  


As Severus cursed the irony of the situation, he noticed a few dust lines had been disturbed. 

Someone else had been in his personal store…but why? And who? 

 

_Dudley had played with the fire engine all day and had fallen asleep with it on the rug on the floor._

_Petunia was on her fifth glass of wine and was happily swaying on her chair, cuddling a giggling Harry close to her. Severus sipped his coffee and watched her._

_“When will Vernon be back from the pub?” Severus asked._

_Petunia glanced at him heavy lidded and shrugged._

_“Usually around eleven, they play a few games of cards- Vernon normally stays until closing.” She smiled at Severus drunkenly._

_Severus laughed at her obvious drunkenness and crept forwards to retrieve his toddler from her._

_“I think Dudley needs to go to bed, Tuny. I can’t believe that toy has held his interest for so long- can you?”_

_Petunia stood shakily and sat down on the sofa very close to Severus, wrapping her arms around his waist and draping her head on his shoulder._

_Severus chuckled and looked down at her._

_“Feeling the wine a bit- are we?”_

_Petunia nodded and giggled herself._

_“I’ve always been very fond of you, Severus Snape,” she murmured, bringing one hand up to touch his face._

_Severus shrugged her hand away and put Harry on the floor by his feet._

_“I’m fond of you too, Tuny- the way you’ve looked after Harry for us has been amazing- I’m very grateful! Now, I think you need some sleep too…”_

_He tried to detach her arms from around him but she wouldn’t shift._

_“I’d do anything for you, Sev…” Petunia half whispered._

_Severus stilled and looked into her blue eyes, confusion reaching into every corner of his brain._

_“Do you remember Tom, Sev? My boyfriend when I was a girl? He reminded me so much of you, but it wasn’t the same. Not that I ever had a chance…”_

_The woman sat up and glared at him with a bitter expression and narrowed eyes, “you only ever wanted my sister, didn’t you?”_

_Severus sat back, shocked._

_“What are you saying?”_

_“That now that she’s gone, I have you all to myself. With your little one living here, you have no choice- you have to notice me now!”_

_“Petunia Evans- you’re pissed. I’m going to put the boys to bed and we can forget this conversation ever happened!” Severus stood up but Petunia stood with him, grabbing his neck and pulling his face to hers._

_He cried out in surprise as their lips touched and pushed her away._

_“What the hell is going on here?” Vernon roared from the door._

_Petunia squeaked in terror as a horrified Severus stared at the angry muggle across the room._

_Severus glanced from Petunia to Vernon, wiping her saliva off his lips._

_“Vernon- Mr Dursley- this isn’t what it looks like!” Severus began, backing away._

_“He’s Harry’s father, Vernon! **His kind** all have loose morals and live like filthy heathens: he even tried it on with me!”_

_Petunia’s voice was shrill and panicked but Vernon seemed to be convinced by her words._

_He leaped forward and punched Severus straight in the jaw with a devastating right hook._

_Severus was knocked sideways and tasted blood, scrabbling on the floor to get to the door._

_Vernon caught hold of his jacket and climbed on top of the writhing young man, laying blow after blow on the Slytherin’s body._

_Severus coughed and tried to roll away, covering his face and ribs as best he could, waiting for the onslaught to end._

_Finally, Vernon seemed to tire- leaving him open to a well- practiced hit to the side of his head._

_The muggle man fell to the floor unconscious as Severus struggled for breath._

_He became aware of several sounds all happening at once: Petunia was screaming Vernon’s name, Harry and Dudley were both crying and he- Severus, was wheezing through what felt like cracked ribs._

_He sat up and glanced at Petunia and Vernon before his eyes met the green ones of his son._

_There he sat, next to an unconscious man he had knocked out, dripping with blood and covered in bruises- and Harry was seeing it all. Severus remembered why he had to stay away from his little boy- to protect him from himself._

_Harry giggled happily and pointed to him._

_“Dada,” the little boy said._

_Severus covered his face from sight and turned away while Vernon was helped into a seating position by his fussing wife._

_The adults took a few minutes to compose themselves. Ragged breath and pants filled the room._

_“I never want to see you around here again, Snape.” Vernon said quietly. “Do you understand? We will fulfil our responsibility to your boy- but if he turns out to be dangerous, like you clearly are- he’ll be out of here as well! Am I clear?!”_

_“Yes, sir,” came the heartbroken reply._


	17. The Yule Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus has a romantic rendezvous with a beautiful French teacher.  
> All fun and games or will it end in tears?
> 
> Warning: Explicit Sexual Content.

Harry’s forth year had been a nightmare for Severus to say the least.

Someone had entered Harry into the Triwizard Tournament and Severus had consented, though only to flush out whomever had put his name into the Goblet in the first place.

It was half way through the dragon round that Severus had started rather regretting his decision- promising to break rank and defend Harry as he had against Quirrol if needed.

He watched in horror as Harry had consumed Gilly Weed and completed the underwater task- Gilly weed which must have come from Severus’ own store. He continued to notice ingredients going missing and since he was staying well away from The Three Broomsticks, this had become his new obsession. The thought of his own child stealing off him was enough to drive him to anger.

The addition of Igor Karkaroff to the Castle was also most unwelcome: the ex- Death Eater had noticed his Dark Mark coming back too and had gone to great lengths to discuss it.

Severus, more afraid of his own dark-side than ever, was trying to stay away from him.

 

 

The Yule Ball presented an interesting distraction for everyone. The whole castle was bubbling with excitement: staff and students alike.

Severus had noticed a few of the female Beauxbatons teachers- three or four in particular.

Usually he would have worked his way through them, but a combination of having to maintain a professional appearance and his overwhelming guilt about Margo had kept him back.

He was worried about how actively he blocked his demons with physical sensation and the thrill of ‘the chase’.

Still, he thought as he pulled on his white shirt and black dress robes, pleasure was pleasure.

He had washed his hair, pulled it back and was dressed smartly.

Tonight, just tonight, he was doing away with his ‘responsible adult disguise’, attempting to appear as unpleasant as possible.

Tonight he was young and attractive.  


He avoided the main ballroom at first, allowing the dancing to start before quietly slipping into the gardens and enjoying the night air.

Just as he had predicted, one of the Beauxbatons teachers he had his eye on came out for a secret cigarette. Severus ensured he was there to light it with the tip of his wand.

The woman giggled at his sudden appearance and took the light, thanking him warmly.

The light danced on her silver strapless dress. Her neck looked ready to be devoured and her skin kiss ably soft.

Her raven hair was twisted into a complicated style on the back of her head, secured with a blue pin to match her sapphire eyes.

“Good evening, Professor Snape!” She greeted, smoking seductively, “I didn’t recognise you,”

Severus took out a cigarette of his own, tapped it once on the packet and lit it wandlessly with a clever flick of his fingers.

“I tend to disguise myself when I’m teaching,” he explained in a bored fashion, “I get too much attention otherwise.”

He smiled suggestively and leaned against the wall, every movement being observed by the French beauty.

She laughed, blowing smoke away.

“I don’t think we’ve had a conversation you know, Professor,” Severus noted, fishing for information.

The woman leaned against the wall and looked at her fingernails thoughtfully.

“Please, call me Adele. I hope you will forgive my lack of conversation, Professor, there are so many people in the castle and with the tournament…”

Severus waved a hand to stop her, smiling.

“Severus, and don’t worry about it. It has been exciting. So what do you teach at the Academy?”

“Charms,” came the reply, “yourself?”

“Potions,”

Adele pushed herself off the wall and raised her eyebrows at him, visibly impressed.

“Potions?” She asked, “Complicated work, requires a lot of…”

“Patience, yes.” Severus pushed himself off the wall and dared to step a little closer. Adele looked up at him and didn’t step away.

“I have to enjoy taking my time over things, Adele. With Charms a few wand waves and it’s all over in a flash of light and colour…”

He stepped a little closer, as did she. There were inches between them. Her breath starting becoming a little heavier as her breasts brushed against the front of his robes.

Severus resisted the urge to look anywhere but her eyes.

He reached out and lightly brushed the small of her back with a feather touch, making her lean slightly closer.

“To be a true Potions Master, patience is a virtue. We know that to truly get the most out of something- an ingredient, an incantation, a spell- every detail has to be perfectly timed and slow…”

His other hand gently caressed her hip as she sighed softly, stepping towards him until there was a breath between them.

“Show me,” she moaned, closing the gap with her lips.

Severus kissed her slowly and deliberately, changing pressure and speed according to her muted breathy sounds. Her hands snaked up into his hair and along his jaw and his mind melted into her sweet touch, savouring the moment- immersing himself in the feeling.

This sensual touch- how close it was to love; how easy to forget the world and become lost in its embrace.

Their kiss became slightly more passionate, mouths opening slightly, allowing the other to taste and explore.

Severus ran his hand up from her hip and brushed the outside of one of her perfect mounds, before settling on her shoulder just below her neck.

His mouth broke from hers as it wondered down, laying butterfly kisses in the sensitive spot where her jaw joined her neck, just below her ear.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, continuing to gently worship her.

Adele let out a quiet moan, grabbing his head and pulling him closer, kissing and nipping at his throat. It was Severus’ turn to moan then.

His arousal was starting to ache. He attempted to keep it hidden from her, but the Champaign he could taste on her lips had not left Adele shy.

His breath hitched as she brushed her hand against the front of him, making him pull her body fully against him.

They looked at each other and started giggling, still entwined.

“What are we doing? We barely know each other!” Adele exclaimed excitedly.

Severus nudged his face below her ear again, drawing delicious pants from the young teacher.

“I know I want you…” he muttered quietly.

 

 

The pair crashed into a classroom, holding hands and giggling in euphoria.

Severus carefully gathered her up in his arms, allowing her hands to feel his chest muscles through his shirt, and placed her on the end of a table.

She kicked off her shoes and pulled his robes off his shoulders, watching with glee as they dropped to the floor.

Severus bent his head and captured her lips in his, hands on either side of her face, losing himself again.

Adele’s fingers loosened the Slytherin’s top buttons and ran her hands over his naked, warm chest beneath his shirt, impressed by how solid and toned he was.

She opened his shirt entirely and pressed herself against his torso, letting his legs nudge hers open and feeling a warm tingle start to pool in her most sensitive area.

Severus held back a moan as he felt her caress him. He snaked his hands down and caught hold of her ample breasts, brushing his thumb deftly over her nipples through her dress, and listening to her sigh in delight.

Adele broke their kiss and looked up at him seductively.

Her hands came to rest on his belt, which she made short work of, dropping his trousers and underwear to the floor, releasing his erection which was now painfully hard.

He hissed as she grasped his length, expertly rubbing him.

His mind stopped thinking entirely when she bent her head down and licked up a bead of pre-cum, before engulfing him in her hot mouth.

Severus didn’t need any more warm-up, he was more than ready.

He eased her off him and laid her down on the desk, pulling her hips right to the edge of it.

He heard her gasp as he hooked her knickers with his thumbs and pulled them off, leaving her exposed to him.

Fighting the urge to fuck her there and then, Severus slowly licked one of his fingers while she watched and reached down. He pushed the digit into her wetness, using his thumb to gently rub over her clit.

Adele started panting, gripping the sides of the bench with her hands, fingernails digging into the wood.

Despite being on display to him under her dress, she seemed unwilling to show him her face, choosing instead to roll her head away from his gaze and closing her eyes.

Severus smiled to himself and inserted another finger, stretching her entrance and making her gasp with the feeling.

Her breathing was beginning to become more desperate, more wanton, as she struggled to hold back her cries of ecstasy from the patient man pleasuring her.

A quick flick over her clitoris with his tongue was all it took to send her over the edge the rest of the way.

Her entire body tensed up and her knees clamped around his head and hand, holding him there.

He continued to lick her as she came, her cries being held back by her hands over her mouth as her juices flowed into his.

She relaxed slowly and started to shake a little as the after- shocks gripped her.

Severus removed himself from between her legs and watched her, amused by how wonderfully responsive she was.

He reached into his trouser pocket and pulled on a condom while she lay on the desk, sighing loudly and catching her breath.

“See? A flash of light and colour and you think it’s over…” Severus observed, standing back between her legs and lazily rubbing her entrance with his fingertips.

Adele arched her back and moaned, boneless from her orgasm.

He positioned himself and painfully slowly, pushed into her body.

Adele wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled his upper body to line his mouth up with her chest and heaving breasts, but the Potions Master refused her desperate attempts to speed up.

He screwed her at a comfortable speed, pushing all the way in before pulling virtually completely out until the sensation for the French woman was maddening.

She made no attempt anymore to hide her pleasure.

She pulled his hair, scratched deep red marks into his back, threw her head back and cried out a mixture of English obscenities and beautiful native expressions, pushing her hips up to meet him and breathing hard between her words.

Severus ran his hand up and down her inner thigh, encouraging her legs to open further and grant him more depth.

Even with the warm up, she was luxuriously tight. He could feel himself completely encased in her womanhood, the hard squeeze of her almost too much to bare.

Adele had become almost frantic, approaching another release.

“Please fuck me, please! More- faster!” She gasped, gripping him with her legs.

Severus licked his lips and gave himself a minute to enjoy the begging before obliging.

He started to pump into her faster and faster, drawing louder and louder cries from his lover.

His legs started to ache with the effort, but his own release was building so he grabbed the sides of the desk with both hands and used it to propel himself forwards.

Adele started to scream with a mixture of pleasure and pain before arching her back and going ridged once again.

Her body locked around him with suffocating force and he felt his semen being milked out of him as he came with her, gasping with pure satisfaction.

He came to a stop, dripping with sweat but completely sated.

“Wow,” Adele exclaimed, rolling onto her side and removing him from herself.

Severus nodded in agreement and sat on the floor, grabbing his cigarettes and tucking the soiled condom away.

Adele joined him, smoking beside him with her head rested on his shoulder, breathing still laboured.

“Do all English men fuck like that?” She asked playfully.

Severus shrugged and kissed the top of her head before pulling his clothes back on and handing Adele her underwear.

“Haven’t slept with enough to tell you for sure,” he joked.  


There was a wordless conversation between them as they rearranged themselves into a presentable state, a quick kiss by the door and a wink from the French woman and it was over between them.


	18. The Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry overhears an argument between Snape and Karkaroff. 
> 
> Lily finds a book under Severus' bed. What does this mean for the young couple? 
> 
> Margo and Severus tackle their differences once and for all. 
> 
> Warning: Explicit Sexual Content. 
> 
> Flashbacks and song lyrics are in italics
> 
> Song: "The Wolf" by Phildel, Disappearance of the Girl, 2014.

Severus walked into the Great Hall and was stunned by the extraordinary decorations which adorned it.  


The ice sculptures and Christmas trees alone were breath-taking, with candles and wreaths hanging wherever he looked.  


Severus walked over to the staff table and grabbed a glass of champagne before turning his attention to the dance floor.  


Dumbledore was dancing with McGonagall. The two looked majestic as they twirled and turned gracefully, smiling and talking between themselves.  


Hermione Granger was beaming at her dance partner, Viktor Krum, who looked awkward but happy, allowing her to lead him around the room.  


He finally caught sight of his teenage son dancing with one of the Patel twins. He chuckled to himself as he saw the look of concentration etched on the boy’s face and total look of fear in his eyes. 

Severus fancied Harry would rather be up against a dragon again than be in this room dancing so formally.  


He shook memories of twirling Lily in the astronomy tower out of his mind as he drained his glass in one swig and placed it on the table next to him.  


Suddenly his heart skipped a beat.  


Twirling beautifully in red satin in the middle of the dance floor was none other than Margo.  


Her chestnut hair fell in cascading curls down her back, a tiara holding it in place. She wore a stunning silver choke-necklace with sparkling diamonds and perfect white teardrop pearls, matching a pair of dainty white shoes on her feet.  


Severus took a minute to admire her before swallowing a gasp.  


He had given up his right to be with her.  


He half ran across the room to the gardens outside in an attempt to avoid her, but crashed into Igor Karkaroff instead. 

 

Harry slipped out into the night air. 

He took in a lungful as his burning face cooled and his sweaty hands stopped shaking.  


Dancing in front of everyone had been as humiliating as he had thought it would be, but with Ron and Hermione arguing and his date dancing with someone else, he was finally free to get away.  


Suddenly, he heard raised voices coming from the garden.  


Snape was blasting his way through the carefully manicured bushes in the area just outside the hall, taking house points off everyone he came across in any sort of romantic embrace.  


Professor Karkaroff was following him, shouting after him.  


Harry hid behind a statue close by and listened to their hushed conversation.  


Karkaroff had virtually flattened Snape against a carriage and was speaking angrily.  


“It’s happening again- like before! And soon neither you nor anyone else will be able to deny it!” Karkaroff snapped. 

Snape side stepped him and walked slightly around him to free himself.  


“I told you already, Igor, I see no need to discuss it!”  


Karkaroff cut off his escape and loomed over him again.  


“It’s a sign, Severus! You know it is!”  


“I don’t know what you’re talking about…”  


“Really?! So perhaps you wouldn’t mind rolling up your sleeve?” 

Karkaroff grabbed at Snape’s arm, but the younger wizard was too quick for him, jerking it out of his way.  


Karkaroff sneered at him.  


“You don’t fool me, Severus!” Kararoff mocked triumphantly, “You are scared! Admit it!”  


Snape stepped towards him, smiling slightly, his eyes flashing dangerously.  


“I have nothing to be scared of, Igor. Can you say the same?”  


Karkaroff seemed to suddenly think better of standing so close to the Slytherin, stepping back a few times before retreating.  


Snape watched him walk away, as did Harry from his hiding spot.  
  
  


Harry’s mind buzzed with this new information.  


What was happening which had Snape and Karkaroff so nervous? Was it anything to do with his dreams?  


 

Harry did not have much time to dwell too much as a woman in a red satin dress whipped passed him and straight over to Snape.  


Harry watched as she stood in front of him, looking around them before rounding on him. 

Snape looked very cautious.  


“Can I have my lighter please?” She asked, pulling out a cigarette.  


Snape looked confused and pushed his hands into his pockets, searching.  


“I’m sorry, Margo, I think I only have mine. You can have it though,” he muttered.  


The woman laughed and took it, lighting up and blowing smoke in his face.  


“Oh, that’s right. You tried to take my lighter forcefully but then must have had second thoughts. My mistake.”  


Snape stood still as one of the hall’s ice sculptures. His face was unreadable, so Harry assumed she wasn’t talking about a lighter anymore.  


“Have you enjoyed the dance then so far, Severus? I was invited by Professor Labelle from Beauxbattons, have you met him?”  


Snape shook his head awkwardly and stepped towards her.  


“Can we not do this now, Margo? This is where I work!” He protested.  


Harry tried to move closer, hoping he would not be spotted in his hiding place.  


“Do what, Severus?” She asked, blowing smoke and glaring at him. “I hear you’ve been doing your bit for international relations, mainly by having them.” 

She rounded on him again, her body language more hostile than ever.  


“Did you enjoy the little ‘French Fancy’ you were sucking the face off of within five minutes of arriving? Very pretty, that one, was she a good lay?”  


Harry blushed and looked away, turning back when he heard a loud ‘whack’ and saw Snape holding his face, wincing.  


“Margo, wait!” Snape called after her. The woman stormed off, leaving Snape gasping, rubbing his cheek.  


Harry stood behind the statue confused, then listened as Snape kicked a plant pot in a fury.  


“Fucking women!” Snape yelled to himself.  


He sat down on the snow and started smoking, a bitter, sad look about him.  


Harry could not help himself, he stepped out and walked over. 

 

Severus sat smoking on the floor.  


The freezing ground under him was sending a nasty chill into his legs but he didn’t care. He felt totally miserable and bruised.  


He slowly became aware of someone standing over him. He glanced up to see, to his surprise, Harry looking concerned.  


“Are-are you alright, Sir?” The boy asked.  


Severus sighed and looked down at the floor. He was struggling to put on his act but did not wish to show weakness either.  


“Mind your own business, Potter.” He snapped.  


Harry sat down on a bench opposite, resting his elbows on his knees and smiling at the Slytherin.  


“My night’s been really crap too, sir. Ron and Hermione have been yelling at each other for around an hour now and the girl I came with is with someone else…”  


Severus, despite himself, started to laugh. Harry joined him and a friendly feeling passed between them which Severus had not felt since Harry was an infant.  


It’s because we share blood. He can feel it- I know he can. Deep down, he must know.  


Severus shook his thoughts away and stood up, disposing of his cigarette in the snow.  


“I will not take points away for swearing or spying, Potter, on the understanding that you will keep my private affairs to yourself. If I suspect you have been gossiping, there will be a severe price to pay- is that understood?”  


Harry blanched at the dramatic change of mood but nodded mutely and watched his teacher walk away.

 

 _“Lil, I cleared the camping weekend with my parents. Basically both of our parentals think we’re at each other’s houses over the holiday, classic!”_

_Severus came into his dorm room with two large camping bags which he had transfigured from their rucksacks._

_Their fifth year had been fun so far, though James Potter and his gang were expressing their displeasure at their new promoted relationship at every opportunity._

_Severus was trying to ignore the comments, but he could tell it was all starting to get to his partner._

_Lily hadn’t said anything. She was sat on his bed, turning over a book in her hands._

_Severus put the bags down and approached._

_“What’s wrong, Lily? Aren’t you excited about camping?”_

_Lily looked at him with a very hurt expression. The look in her eyes alone was enough to melt his heart._

_“What the fuck is this, Sev?” She asked, handing him the book._

_He cursed himself as he took the black, leather bound tome off her.  
_

_It was a copy of Dark Arts: a Study in Blood which he had borrowed from a seventh year and foolishly left it out on his bedside table._

_He turned it over in his hands, uncertain of what to say. Finally, his mind settled on the truth._

_“I’ve heard my mates talking about the Dark Arts. We’re not taught them because in the wrong hands, they can do harm- but so can charms and potions we are taught if you think about it! It’s just an academic interest, anyway…” Severus trailed off, looking into his lover’s face._

_She looked torn for a moment, then seemed to be decided._

_“Severus, that’s all very well, but it’s a slippery slope. We’re not taught the Dark Arts because they are dangerous and uncontrollable. Please get rid of this. You don’t have any more, do you?”_

_“No,” Severus lied, trying not to glance at his trunk._

_Lily sighed and moved up on the bed, patting a spot next to her for him to join her._

_Severus sat and allowed her arms to encircle his shoulders._

_“Please don’t hide things from me, my love. We’re always honest with each other, I don’t want to lose that…”_

_Her voice was so soft Severus felt himself overwhelmed with emotion._

_He rested his head on her shoulder and kissed her neck gently._

_Not wishing to break a promise, he stayed silent._  
  


 

Entering the Great Hall again, he found the music had changed to a style more modern and upbeat. 

There was a band playing which he did not recognise, but the students were jumping around in time, cheering and laughing.  


Hermione Granger was in the crowd, wrapped around Master Krum.  


Ron Weasley was watching them jealously from a nearby table.  


Harry hadn’t been joking, they clearly were having some sort of row.  


His eyes fell on a glint of silver and a shot of red in the corner. Over the music he could also hear raised voices.  


Margo had Adele pinned in the corner of the room, her face very close to the teacher’s, speaking with unmistakable anger.  


Suddenly, Adele reached up and slapped her straight across the face. Margo stumbled to the side and a few of the students turned to see what the commotion was about.  


Severus ran over to the women as fast as he could and managed to pry them apart, grasping at Margo’s arm to prevent a return blow.  


“Here to rescue your French Tart, are you, Severus?” The angry bar maid yelled.  


“This woman is crazy! She is crazy!” Adele protested, wrestling out of the grip he had on her arm.  


“Would you both please conduct yourselves as if you’re in a school?” Severus pleaded.  


“Says the man who fucked a stranger in a classroom!” Margo shot back.  


Severus was sure no one had heard her over the loud rock-band, but felt his fury rise up even so.  


He let go of Adele and threw Margo over his shoulder in a single movement, making a bee line for the exit. 

Several curious eyes followed them but most were too distracted by the festivities to notice the kicking woman being carried out by the potions master. 

 

Severus managed to get Margo into his classroom without too much issue. She was red with anger, her hair messy and her dress creased as he half dropped her into the room.  


Even with the door closed, the music was still audible.  


“What’s wrong with you? I don’t blame you for hating me- what I tried to do to you was unforgivable. But why attack Adele?”  


Margo pulled her dress back down and smoothed it as best she could.  


“Oh, it’s ‘Adele’ now, is it?” She huffed, “I’m a free agent, Snape, I can attack whoever I want to.”  


Severus rolled his eyes and walked towards her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her to him.  


“And I can sleep with who I want to.” He said firmly.  


Margo stiffened at his closeness and struggled against his vice-like grip.  


“Yes, I know.” She agreed equally firmly.  


“Well, this is the thing. If you attack everyone I sleep with- how are either of us ‘free’?”  


Margo opened her mouth to answer but found no words forthcoming. She closed it mutely and looked into his obsidian eyes.  


A spark like a flame was lit between them as they felt the heat from each other’s familiar bodies.  


A song sung by a female vocalist travelled down to where they were locked in their silent battle of wills.  


_“And you once said, “I wish you dead, you sinner.”_

_I’ll never be more than a wolf at your door, for dinner,_

_And if I see you ‘round like a ghost in my town, you liar,_

_I’ll leave with your head, Oh I’ll leave you for dead, Sire…”_

Severus felt the tension break and he devoured her mouth roughly, clashing teeth and biting her lip until it bled. Margo retaliated with bites and scratches across his face and neck, digging her nails in and wrapping her legs around him.  


He slammed her against the wall so hard he heard her cry out, but her cry was one of animal desire rather than protest.  


He started tugging her underwear aside and she reached down to his belt, ripping it so hard the buckle flew across the room and landed with a ‘thunk’ on the floor.  


_“The wishes I’ve made are too vicious to tell._

_Everyone knows I am going to hell…”_

He freed himself and wasted no time entering her in one hard thrust which made her scream. He paid no attention to her writhing and drove into her as hard as he could, grinding her back into the wall.  


_“And If it’s true,_

_I’ll go there with you.”_

Her nails dug into his back as she bit wounds into his neck and throat. He yelled in pain and threw her body over a table without leaving her wetness. 

He continued his pounding rhythm, leaning over her to capture her lips in another violent kiss, smothering her pleasure-pain screams.  


_“I know my way through the night to your door,_

_You know the blood that I’m owed is all yours,_

_The wishes I’ve made are too vicious to tell,_

_The devil already, He knows me so well._

_And if it’s true,_

_I’ll go there with you.”_

He fucked her as viciously as his body would allow; her swearing and encouragement driving him on into mindless, blinding pleasure until they both reached a screaming release, crying each other’s names and collapsing in a heap on the desk, tangled together.  


_“And you once said, “I wish you dead, you sinner.”_

_I’ll never be more than a wolf at your door, for dinner,_

_And if I see you ‘round like a ghost in my town, you liar,_

_I’ll leave with your head, Oh I’ll leave you for dead, Sire…"_


	19. Voldemort Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Third and final task draws near- but what is being planned for Harry? 
> 
> Lily and Severus share their plans for the future. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics
> 
> Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content.  
> Mentions of underage sex (non graphic).

Harry woke with a start.  


He had dreamed of the big house, Wormtail, the terrifying voice and the snake again. 

He sat up, sweating and gasping for breath.  


Ron was still asleep, Harry could hear him snoring in the other bed nearby, so he climbed up out of bed and fetched his father’s map.  


The stars were visible and bright as he gazed up them from his dormitory window, shining little silver tendrils of light onto his face.  


He watched the little labelled dots move around on the map: Mad Eye was wandering the halls, Dumbledore was pacing a circle in his office and other people were still and asleep.  


Harry rested his head on the stone wall behind him and let his eyes slowly drift shut.  


He was somewhere by the sea. He had this dream quite often, especially when he was feeling stressed. 

The sound of the sea was soothing and the village on the shoreline was familiar, though he didn’t know where it was.  


There was always a young man with him in the dream, roughly in his early twenties.  


The young man’s hair was longer than Harry’s but every bit as dark and messy. His voice was so soothing- full of kindness and warmth which made Harry feel safe and happy.  


The youth was muscled, tall and strong.  


Though Harry could never see his face, he knew he was his dad.  


Sirius had always told Harry that James had made people happy just by being there, and the young man certainly always had this effect on Harry.  


He dreamt of their adventures exploring into rock pools and looking at creatures from the deep; their evenings spent by a warming fire in a pub somewhere and a sweet young woman who would give them delicious cakes to eat, watching the crashing waves on the cliff.  


He didn’t know if they were real memories or not, but whenever his mind took him to this place, he woke feeling more loved than he ever had.  


He always channelled this feeling into producing his patronus: a stag, in memory of his wonderful father, taken from him too soon.  


 

Harry woke after the dream still sitting in the window.  


He rubbed his tired eyes and staggered back into bed, sinking down onto his pillows and listening to the soft snores from the other boys in the dormitory.  


He always felt bitter sweet after the dream, his warm glow fading into sadness. 

His mum and dad were both gone now, and to make matters worse, he had potions in the morning.  


“Great,” he muttered to himself, “A whole bloody morning with Snape, he’s the last person I want to see right now!” 

 

Severus was having a very busy time.  


He had not been able to go on as long a run as he usually did, due to a vast area of the grounds being used to grow a giant maze for the final task.  


He had bumped into Mad Eye Moody who had referenced his Dark Mark right in front of Harry- something which had made Severus want to beat the ex-auror to death with his own walking stick. 

Instead, due to his parole, Severus had to walk away, leaving Moody to fill Harry’s head with goodness knows what.  


He was friendly with Adele who was now going out with Professor Labelle, the teacher who had attended the Yule Ball with Margo- though their exchanges had for a long time been awkward.  


Igor had taken to ignoring him with the exception of a few nods and mumbled greetings.  


Lastly there was Margo herself...  


 

Severus gasped as the sensation of being ridden became almost painful. Margo had his hands pinned over his head and was sinking down on him with all of her body weight, screaming obscenities into the room.  


The bed rocked as he met her, thrusting upwards into her tight body, desperate for release.  


She was close- her cries were becoming more desperate, her movements more ragged.  


She sank down completely and rolled her hips over him, filling herself entirely with his length. 

Severus bit his lip hard, his mind starting to completely blank, save for the feeling of her.  


Margo let go of his wrists and leaned back, placing her hands on his legs behind her and forcing him into a new depth inside. 

Severus cried out, unable to hold back his pleasure.  


She slid herself up and down slowly, throwing her head back to give him a perfect view of her body: her breasts, round and exposed with fully erect nipples and a beautiful wobble; her feminine stomach, her muscles contracting as she lifted herself up and down; her perfect flower, trimmed pubic hair and her sensitive nub on display between her legs- begging to be tasted and touched.  


He watched himself fully sheath inside her and was on the edge of losing his composure entirely.  


His body screamed to dominate and take, so that is what he did, flipping her over and pushing in.  


He positioned his hands on her womanly hips, driving into her hot core and taking her to the edge.  


Her body contracted and she issued a scream so sexual and arousing, he lost his battle not to cum and quickly followed her.  


He rolled off and lay beside her on his bed, catching his breath.  


Margo started giggling and rolled onto her side, reaching out to rub his muscled chest.  


“Nice way of starting the day,” she commented, tugging at his sparse black chest hair.  


Severus wiped the sweat from his brow and huffed.  


“For you, maybe. I’m going to want to go to sleep all day now.”  


“Which ‘little shits’ do you have first lesson?”  


“Bollocks. Fucking forth year Griff/Slyth group. Worst class I have by a mile- a lot of trouble-makers.” 

Severus got up and padded over to the bathroom, disappearing inside.  


Margo heard the shower turn on and rolled over to find her clothing.  


Severus did not like it if she hung around too long and certainly never cuddled after sex- unless collapsing on top of her counted.  


As he was a few years her senior, Margo had assumed this was an ‘older man’ thing- her younger lovers had all been far more affectionate, but now she realised it was just him.  


“That’s Sev Snape,” she muttered to herself, pulling on her robes, “got to be mysterious and distant all the time: goes with the image.”  


She sighed and made the bed, pulling his red duvet up and scattering some small cushions which she had bought him onto the pillows.  


She had expected his room to be decorated in the Slytherin colours of green and silver, but his bedroom was full of ancient-looking burgundy chairs and warming crimson rugs, silver and gold ornaments and rows of bookshelves in mahogany.  


The room was cosy and comfortable- a contradiction to his aloof personality.  


As she gazed around she realised there were a lot of things she didn’t really know about him. 

Where had he grown up? 

Why had he chosen teaching despite obvious and extensive magical talent? 

What were his parents like? 

She walked over to the fireplace to see if there were any pictures on the mantel piece, but found only candles.  


The fireplace itself was large and ornately carved, she couldn’t help but run her hands over the carvings, tracing their pattern with delicate fingers.  


Suddenly, her finger pad felt a ridge in the wood, hidden to the eye. She bent over and looked closer- a hidden draw?  


“Margo, if you’re quite finished examining my furniture, I have to get to lessons,” came Severus’ voice from behind. 

Margo jumped and lost where the panel was.  


She blushed and turned to face him before stopping dead and staring.  


Severus was naked and glistening wet from the shower. 

He was patting his arms and torso dry while looking straight at her, his hair pulled off his face.  


Her eyes wondered slowly down his toned body, settling on the bandage on his left arm-a burn which still hadn’t healed.  


He crossed the room and dressed wordlessly before escorting her to the entrance to the castle.  


Margo looked back as she made her way to Hogsmead, wishing she could read his mind.

 

 _Severus woke up slowly, the light from the Slytherin dormitory windows streaming in._

_The boys he shared a room with had gone home early for the holidays, so he had the room to himself._

_Almost._

_Lily was still asleep next to him, breathing softly against his pillows._

_Their camping trip had been a great adventure, it was is if they were small children again most days._

_They had enjoyed snuggling up to each other in their small, shared tent as well, keeping each other warm, going on hikes into the woods and fishing in the river during the day._

_As Severus lay there, listening to her, he reflected on the night before._

_They had always talked about losing their virginity to each other, when they were both ready, and as Severus had pulled her close for a goodnight kiss in his warm bed, their minds were made up._

_Neither had been prepared for the intensity of emotion this act would make them feel:_

_The physical sensations had been pleasurable._

_They had kept it slow and gentle, sharing reassuring kisses and whispering into the darkness._

_The emotional side was such a surprise._

_They had thought individually that they were very close, that sex would not really change anything; but as they made love, their hearts grew to bursting, their mouths dry with a thousand words which didn’t need to be spoken, true completeness and devotion washing over them both until there was nothing else in the world but their love._

_Lily and Severus had shed tears at the beauty of it._

_It had been perfect._

_The Slytherin was stirred from his thoughts as his lover wrapped her arms around his waist, lost in his scent._

_“Good morning,” She said sleepily, smiling. Severus smiled back and wrapped himself around her in reply._

_“Did you dream of anything nice?” Lily asked._

_“That I’d bought you a cottage in Cornwall, by the coast, like we’ve always talked about.”_

_Lily made a happy noise and nuzzled into his torso with her nose._

_“Did we have kids?” She enquired._

_“Two, a boy and a girl. We would wake up every morning, walk along the coast all together, buy some bread for lunch and go rock-pooling in the afternoon.”_

_“Sounds like a lovely dream to me…” Lily replied._

_Severus blushed and squeezed her for a few seconds, kissing the top of her head._

_“A half blood and a muggle-born. We’d be lucky if they were magical!” she added, giggling slightly. Severus bristled at the comment but outwardly laughed._

_“Rules out calling the boy ‘Sev Jr. then,” he joked, “We’d have to call the kids something they could use in the muggle world too,”_

_“What? Like Tom, Dick or Harry?” Lily stated, giggling._

_“It doesn’t matter. I’d love anything that came from you, muggle or not,” Severus stated, his face deepening red._

_“Now and always, isn’t that what we always promise?”_

_“Yes, Always.”_

_They drifted back to sleep in a loving embrace neither every wanted to leave._

 

Severus was buzzing with anticipation as he took his seat near Dumbledore to watch the third and final task. 

Whoever had put Harry’s name in the Goblet of Fire would have to act today, most likely during the task itself.  


Within minutes of the champions entering the maze, it was clear all was not well.  


Krum and Delacour were both rescued by the witches and wizards standing by and the two Hogwarts champions did not emerge for a long time.  


Severus was unable to stay in his seat after an hour of waiting for Harry to reappear. 

He had the most horrible sense that something was wrong which he could not shake.  


He paced back and forth by the stands while students and teachers alike watched him nervously.  


Fudge and Dumbledore also looked worried from where Severus was standing, setting him on edge even more.  


Suddenly, Severus felt his Dark Mark burn.  


He winced and grabbed it, his blood turning to ice, his heart starting to beat at a dangerous speed in his chest.  


 

**Voldemort is back. And he has my son.**

 

Severus held onto his arm and ran towards Dumbledore at full speed. 

The old wizard watched his approach and rushed over to meet him half way.  


“Severus- what?”  


“The Dark Mark is back. Have you found out where Harry and Diggory are?” Severus asked him, half panicked.  


Dumbledore shook his head solemnly.  


Severus grabbed at his own hair in frustration and turned on the spot.  


“I’ll go then! I’ll go and get Harry back! He’s with the Dark Lord- he must be, I’ll just go and get him!” 

Dumbledore moved to stop Severus but Igor had grabbed the Slytherin from behind first and dragged the stunned man away to behind the stands.  


“We have to run, Severus! You felt that, didn’t you? The Dark Lord is back! We have to run!”  


Severus was being pressed up against the metal support of the stands and his mind was still racing, panic threatening to take over.  


He pushed the man irritably.  


“Run then, you fucking coward! I won’t stop you, run!” Severus tried to get around him, but Igor grabbed him again, wide eyed and frantic.  


“He’s back! You sold your soul to him as well- he’s going to kill us both!” Igor pleaded, looking wilder and wilder by the second.  


“We all have to pay for what we’ve done eventually, Igor, now get the fuck off me!”  


Severus pushed him hard enough to knock him over and rushed back to Dumbledore.  


Igor got up and ran off as fast as he could. Severus did not glance back. 

 

Dumbledore grabbed Severus by the shoulders when he was close enough and locked eyes with him.  


“We have to follow the plan, Severus. Harry will be fine- I’m sure of it,” Dumbledore’s voice was calm but determined, reassuring Severus a little. 

The Slytherin faltered and stared back.  


“How can you know that? He’s up against the Dark Lord and Fuck knows who else!”  


“Because he’s your son.” Came the answer. 

 

In a flash of light, Harry and Diggory appeared on the grass in front of the maze.  


Harry was lying across Diggory’s chest and appeared to be sobbing.  


Severus looked around himself, looking for anything out of place and resisting the urge to scoop Harry up in his arms.  


He watched as Mad-Eye Moody pulled Harry up and led him away while the other staff members examined Diggory, who still had not moved.  


“Albus!” Professor McGonagall yelled from beside the fallen boy, “Albus, he’s dead! Cedric Diggory is dead!”  


Severus’ attention shot down to the youth’s body, a feeling of sorrow engulfing him.  


Just a boy. He was just a boy.  


“My son!” Mr Diggory was rushing towards Cedric’s body, weeping and inconsolable. 

He threw himself over his child and sobbed bitterly into his corpse.  


A few onlookers walked towards him, offering words of comfort, but the man was beyond anything which could be spoken. 

 

Severus snapped out of the sad moment and searched for Harry, not seeing him anywhere.  


“Where did Moody take Harry?” He snapped a Dumbledore, who was watching the scene with tears forming in his blue eyes.  


The old wizard seemed to come to his senses as well at the question and looked around frantically before turning to Severus.  


“The castle. I’ll go with Minerva to Alastor’s office, you go to his rooms: they can’t have got far,” Dumbledore ordered.

 

Harry could hardly breathe.  


He was being pressed against the wall by his throat by Mad Eye Moody, who was undergoing a grotesque transformation into Barty Crouch Jr. before his very eyes.  


The Death Eater had explained how he had broken free of his father’s control, had murdered the minister and left his body in the forest. 

He told Harry that he, Barty Crouch Jr. was loyal to the Dark Lord and that he would take Harry’s lifeless body back to Voldemort to prove his devotion.  


Harry’s mind was a blur with this new information, the events at the graveyard and Cedric’s death. 

He was starting to lose consciousness and his fight was waning.  


He kicked feebly at his capture, to no avail.  


“This is ‘goodbye’ to ‘the boy who lived’!” The madman shouted, raising his wand to Harry’s face. 

Harry closed his eyes and let out a frightened noise.  


“Hello, Moody.” 

The voice came from behind Barty Crouch Jr., who turned to look who it was. 

Harry was dropped to the floor as the mystery assailant smashed the Death Eater square in the jaw with a powerful punch.  


Harry tried to sit up as the men grappled, Barty Crouch losing quickly and being thrown to the floor with a strong throw. 

Harry’s saviour stood up and took out his wand, now visible to Harry.  


It was Severus Snape.  


“Sir! He’s a Death Eater! He has the real Professor Moody locked up in his trunk!” Harry yelled from the floor.  


Snape didn’t even look at the boy, he just hushed him with a wave of his hand and tied Barty Crouch Jr. up with a spell.  


Harry was lulling in and out of consciousness, his eyes kept closing and he could feel himself drifting off.  


He became aware Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore had come in, followed by Fudge and a deep, sad feeling- like he would never be happy again.  


It took Harry a while to become alert enough to notice the Dementor, but when he did he realised it was feeding on the Moody imposter.  


The teachers were shouting, but by the way the man’s body had slumped over, the damage had been done.  


Harry could not help himself. 

After all he had been through, all he had witnessed and felt, he started to cry.  


A pair of strong arms encircled him, lifting him from the cold stone floor. 

The voice was soft, the man’s smell familiar. 

Harry felt his tears being wiped from his eyes and he drifted off into unconsciousness again, held safely in the man’s embrace. 

 

Severus watched as Harry fell asleep in his grip. 

He rubbed his son’s back to soothed him, rocking him slightly and drying his face.  


“Harry needs to go to the hospital wing, Severus,” Dumbledore stated quietly, casting an angry gaze over Fudge and his Dementor.  


Severus nodded and picked Harry up off the floor completely, carrying him away. 

 

Harry woke up in the hospital wing to hear shouting. 

He sat up a little way in bed, his head still foggy, and tried to take in as much as he could understand.  


Snape was standing next to Dumbledore, near Harry’s bed. 

Fudge was a few feet back from them, glaring at both men angrily.  


“Well, it isn’t my fault if the Dementor attacked, Dumbledore! It was protecting us from that imposter!” Fudge spat.  


“He was our only witness to the return of Voldemort, Cornelius, we needed him in a state where he could tell us the Death Eater’s plans!” Dumbledore argued.  


Harry watched Fudge shift uncomfortably at the mention of Voldemort’s name, as did Snape.  


“Nonsense, Albus. You know as well as I do, You-Know-Who is long gone. This was the work of a lone group, nothing more! We’ll track them down and arrest them, the last thing we need is panic!”  


“Stop speaking like a politician, Cornelius, and open your eyes!” Dumbledore shot back, “We must prepare for war!”  


Snape let out a roar of annoyance and spun to look at Dumbledore.  


“Why are you fucking bothering with this, Headmaster? He’s in denial! We have to act now!”  


Harry was again amazed with the way Snape was acting. 

His usual slimy façade had been replaced by young energy and a fighting spirit: punching Death Eaters and swearing.  


“Severus,” Dumbledore replied in a soft tone, “We need to pull together if we have any hope of defeating Voldemort. This is not the time for in-fighting.”  


“Bullshit!” Snape exclaimed, pointing at an outraged Fudge, “How many times did you report to the ministry that the Dark Lord was gaining power again? How many times? And did they investigate? No! Now we have a dead child on the playing field and he’s STILL refusing to act! What’s it going to take?”  


“That’s enough, Criminal!” Fudge shouted, rounding on Snape in a fury.  


Snape glared back and stepped closer, rolling up his sleeve as he went.  


He pulled the bandage off his arm and laughed slightly as Fudge recoiled.  


Harry suppressed a gasp as Snape’s Dark Mark was revealed.  


“There. See now? Deny that! It’s not as clear as it was, but there it is. Every Death Eater has that mark burned into them by the Dark Lord. It’s a way of distinguishing each other as well as communication. Well? What are you going to do?”  


Fudge started shaking his head, turning away from the enchanted tattoo on Snape’s arm and looking helplessly at Dumbledore.  


“He-he can’t be back!” Fudge said quietly.  


“He is!” Harry called from his bed.  


All eyes turned to him as he tugged the blanket to one side and stood up.  


“He is, Minister. I saw him- I fought him! He’s back and he killed Cedric!” Harry’s voice caught slightly at his own words but he stayed strong.  


Fudge stepped back from the three of them, looking mutely from one to the other. 

Finally, he shook his head and half ran out of the room.  


Dumbledore sighed and smiled warmly at Harry, before casting a serious eye over Snape.  


Snape looked suddenly paler than usual and pulled his sleeve back down again.  


“Severus. You know what I must ask you to do?” Dumbledore said.  


Snape nodded quickly, starting towards the door. 

He stopped just in front of it and looked straight at Harry, his eyes lingering on the boy for a few seconds, before disappearing out to face his old master. 

 

**END OF BOOK 2**


	20. Enter the Spy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus attempts to rejoin the Dark Lord as a spy.
> 
> Remus continues his watch on Harry.
> 
> Severus and Lily have an argument. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of underage sex, non graphic

 

**Book 3**

 

A Dark figure, dressed in a hooded black robe, stood on the hill above the Riddle House.  


The wind howled and took his warmth, the icy bite surrounding the mansion digging into any skin it could find.  


The moon, the only source of light on this, the darkest of nights.  


Lord Voldemort was back. He had risen again from his earthly banishment here to lay waste to all who had betrayed him.  


People like Severus.  


 

He shifted his weight as he stared down at the house below. 

This was where the Dark Mark had led him, but it looked wrong. 

The usual meeting points were strategic, out of the way. This mansion in the country was ostentatious and brash.  


He shook his head and started to focus his mind. He pushed out his thoughts of Harry other than his memories of mistreating him in class. He resurrected James in his mind’s eye and basked in the anger and misery the arrogant boy had made him feel. 

Finally, he allowed his own heart to break as he remembered Lily leaving him that fateful day.  


His face locked in steely resolve, his hands clenched.  


“Show me what you’ve got, Bastard. I’ve been preparing for this for thirteen years!”  


He said it quietly to himself as he made his way to the house, but his brave words did nothing to ease his fear.  


I could die tonight. Or start to.  


He shook his head and refocused his thoughts, pushing the door and walking into the hallway.  


The worst he could do is send me to Lily. Pain is nothing: there is no greater pain than losing her.  


He made his way silently up the stairs to the second floor, following the heat and light coming from a room there.  


He took a breath, though he was shaking as he walked through into the room.  


The Dark Lord was facing away, looking out of the window, but his presence was everywhere.  


Severus’ knees gave out and he fell to the floor.  


“Assist our dear friend to the fire, Wormtail,” The Dark Lord said into the dark room.  


Severus felt himself yanked to his feet with a metal hand and forced over to the fire. The heat belching from the hearth started to scorch his back as he stood facing the Dark Wizard, too afraid to turn away.  


He inwardly seethed as Wormtail came back into view, then scuttled out of the room.  


The Dark Lord turned.  


Severus felt rooted to the spot, his eyes wide with terror.  


“Severus. How kind it is of you to finally join us. I hear you have done rather well for yourself in my absence: Head of Slytherin House, Potions Master and teacher: Albus has acquired a talented and loyal pet indeed.”  


Severus’ brain started finally clicking into gear and his thoughts raced to save him.  


“My Lord, I have remained loyal to you and you alone. I have continued to work to gain Dumbledore’s trust, as you instructed me…”  


“Yet you have failed to appear when I summoned you this evening, you assisted to subdue my loyal Death Eater who brought Harry Potter to me, you stood in the way of my gaining the Philosopher’s Stone, you have done nothing to seek me out during my wandering years- do you expect me to welcome you back with open arms?”  


The Dark Lord’s voice was raised and his rage was coming off him in waves. 

Severus had held his breath and was attempting to keep his thoughts in order.  


“You came to me, Severus Snape, a pathetic, broken boy seeking vengeance and power. I took you under my wing, nurtured your talent when others had ignored you- cherished you when others had rejected you: and this is how my kindness is repaid?”  


Severus saw a flash from The Dark Lord’s wand as his only warning for the sensations he was about to endure. 

His mind went completely blank as his entire body felt as though he was being stabbed repeatedly with white-hot knives. 

The pain took over his every sense, his every thought consumed by it as wave after wave rippled through his body without mercy.  


Let me die. Let this end. I just want this to end. Please kill me.  


As suddenly as it started, the pain stopped.  


He rolled onto his back as he realised he must have fallen to the floor, his throat hurt so he must have been screaming.  


He closed his eyes and scanned his body. 

Nothing broken, nothing torn and he had kept control of his bladder. 

He sighed, grateful for some small graces and switched back to his task.  


“Why did you stop, my Lord?” He asked quietly.  


The Dark Wizard had sat down on a large armchair in front of Severus and the fire and was watching him with some interest. 

He smiled at the younger man’s question.  


“Did you not wish me to?” Came the icy answer.  


“I hid within Dumbledore’s ranks and claimed to have changed sides. I wished to be able to assist anyone who took up our cause, so I did all I could to stay out of Azkaban. Dumbledore is weak minded, he believed me, though I admit, Master, I was afraid of punishment also.  


“I did not know at the time that Quirrol was working with you, or I would have done all I could to assist you- I believed Quirrol to be unworthy of the stone and only learned of his allegiance afterwards. I have had Dumbledore breathing down my neck for a decade.  


“I am not making excuses, My Lord, if you feel let down by me, please, punish me,” Severus took out his wand and tossed it to the Dark Lord’s feet, “I am yours to do with what you will.”  


Severus waited with baited breath, hoping his acted devotion would be enough to keep him alive.  


The Dark Lord stayed quiet for a moment, deep in thought, his wand in his hand. 

His gaze met Severus’ frightened eyes and fixed on them. 

Severus felt his thoughts being gently shifted through.  


He pushed his mistreatment of Harry to the front of his memories, followed by his loneliest nights, sitting alone watching the fire in his study. 

He pushed thoughts of the students avoiding him and his cold, empty house- full of painful memories and sorrow.  


The Dark Lord’s probing slowed for a moment.  


“I have heard you pursue women, Severus. That you waste your time and efforts on conquests of females, rather than on nobler activities.” 

The Dark Lord had not spoken verbally, the voice echoed in Severus’ scull. 

He tried to quell the feeling of violation before realising this was something he could use.  


One of his most hated memories swam before his eyes: Margo being pushed by him against the bed before being pinned under him. 

He remembered prising her legs apart and forcing his hand up her skirt. 

The Dark Lord’s expression changed to one of approval as Severus showed him the memory of himself tearing at the girl’s clothes, forcing kisses on her body and ignoring her begging.  


Severus slipped out of the memory before it had concluded, smiling a dark smile at his master in the chair.  


“I use women, my Lord, nothing more. I am a loyal Death Eater, I serve only you.” 

 

Remus walked down the stairs at Grimmauld place and stopped outside the kitchen door, listening.  


“I don’t know why Dumbledore trusts you anyway, Snivellus! If it were up to me, I’d have put you in Azkaban and thrown away the key!”  


“We tried that with you, Black, but you escaped! Apparently not a long term solution. How did you do that anyway? Fuck a Dementor?”  


“Why- is that how you got out of being sent there?”  


Remus sighed and pushed the kitchen door open, eying the two wizards with their wands pointed at each other from across the room.  


Severus was dressed in his school robes but looked more tired than usual, Sirius was dressed in casual lilac wizard’s robes and looked more angry than usual.  


“Good evening, Gentlemen,” Remus greeted, turning the kettle on as if he hadn’t noticed the tension.  


Both rivals wordlessly put their wands away and sat back down at the table.  


“Potter has been successfully moved here, I gather? Any sign of the Dementors which attacked him?” Severus asked, almost casually.  


There was an edge of concern which Remus was sure was there- or perhaps he was looking for it.  


“Yes, indeed, he is safe. The Dementors were long gone by the time we were able to get down there. Harry has to attend a trial to determine if he is to face expulsion from Hogwarts though,”  


“Bullshit!” Sirius exclaimed, jumping up again, “Why would they do that?”  


“It seems to have escaped your notice, Black, but the ministry is in denial about the Dark Lord’s return and his activities. No doubt they will attempt to pin the blame on Potter,”  


“That’s your wet dream, isn’t it, Snivellus? Harry being expelled?”  


Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius’ comment, but before Severus could reply, there was a knock on the door.  


Harry appeared in the doorway, followed by Ron and Hermione.  


Sirius got up to greet them, throwing his arms tight around his God Son and holding him close.  


Harry nuzzled into his God Father’s chest, sending a warm smile to Remus’ face. 

Remus shot a chance look at Severus, who was displaying a curious mixture of disgust and annoyance.

 

Severus watched Harry embrace Sirius and his heart shattered on the spot, realising his own son would never greet him in such a way. 

He arranged his features into a displeased look just as he noticed Lupin spying on his reaction out of the corner of his eye.  


Does he know something?  


Severus brushed it off as he walked quickly out of the door and into the corridor, not stopping until he had reached the street outside.  


He was increasingly paranoid about Harry’s true identity being revealed, firstly as there was such a massive danger to him now, and secondly due to Harry’s puberty growing him into a mini-Severus.  


“People see what they want to see, Severus.” Dumbledore had reassured him, “You have convinced the world James Potter is the boy’s father and they are convinced! The staff room is full of comparisons between the two Potter boys- your son is safe in that regard.”  


Unless Lupin sees something with those werewolf senses of his.  


Severus shook his head and apparated back to Spinners End. 

 

 _Fifteen year old Severus woke up in his bed at his family home in a haze._

_Lily and he had filled their night with love-making and gossiping; he couldn’t remember going to sleep._

_He rolled over to hold her, only to snap his eyes open at her sudden absence. A sob by his bookshelf made her location clear._

_“What’s wrong, Lily?” He asked quietly, taking care not to step on loose floorboards as he crossed the room to her._

_Lily was fully dressed and facing away, quietly crying into her hands. She spun round to face him, rage etched on her face._

_“I thought I told you to get rid of this, Sev. Now I find more!”_

_She held up the Dark Arts book she had discovered beside his bed the term before, followed by a pile of others._

_Severus’ heart dropped and panic started rising in his chest._

_“They’re nothing, Lily! I’m so sorry, I didn’t have time to take them all back!”_

_“You told me you only had one.” Lily snapped, standing up._

_Severus bought himself some time grabbing his robe and covering his nakedness, before dropping his gaze to the floor._

_“So, you lied?” Lily asked._

_Severus gulped, tears stinging his eyes._

_He wanted nothing more than to go back to last night when he held her body against his and left butterfly kisses on her face._

_“I’m really, just so sorry, I’ll get rid of them.”_

_To his horror, Lily pulled on her shoes and coat before beginning to climb out of his bedroom window._

_“You said that before and I believed you. I think we need to have a little break for the rest of the Christmas Holiday, Severus. I think you need to think about things. Let me know what you want to do.” She stated sadly, her eyes wet again._

_“I’m sorry, I’ll do anything!” Severus cried, running over to stop her, but she dropped out and landed on the garden below._

_She looked up at him before turning and walking away._

_Severus stood dumb-struck, his heart in pieces._


	21. Umbridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's summer is interrupted by Dementors and leads to a meeting with the Order of The Phoenix.
> 
> Severus has an appraisal with Professor Umbridge. 
> 
> Harry has a revelation. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in italics

“A full criminal trial? Just for underage magic? That’s ridiculous!” Molly exclaimed from the stove to the Order members at the table.  


Remus glanced to Sirius, who was shaking his head grumpily.  


“Thank goodness you were able to intervene, Dumbledore, or I don’t know what poor Harry would have done!” Declared Arthur, taking a swig of his tea and looking around himself. “I don’t know what the ministry think they’re playing at!”  


Dumbledore said nothing, but smiled reassuringly around the table. He Stood silently and walked out of the room, leaving the door ajar behind him.  


Ron and Ginny put their heads around the door, their red hair catching the light from the fire.  


“Are you finished with your meeting, mum? We’re starving!” Ron asked.  


Remus laughed and beckoned them in, noticing Severus hurriedly looking around for his wizarding robes to pull over his fitted black t-shirt. He had not moved quickly enough.  


“Woah- sir, do you work out?” Ron asked, surprise and awe creeping into his voice.  


Remus chuckled at the annoyed expression on Severus’ face as he pulled his robes onto his shoulders, covering his toned arms.  


Hermione sat near Tonks, followed by Harry, who looked tired from the day’s trial.  


Severus sat back down and swigged the glass of wine Molly had given him.  


Remus sat after greeting the trio and Ginny, keeping a careful eye on Severus.  


“So, is there anything we need to know?” Harry asked, looking from face to face at the Order members.  


Remus felt guilt bubble up in his chest: Harry should be kept in the loop, but he was too young for such a burden to be placed on him. The rest of the Order were prepared to put themselves in danger, but they were all adults. Harry was still too young for the horrors he had already seen.  


“Don’t worry about it, Harry, we have it all in hand.” Remus answered, smiling. Harry did not look appeased.  


“Show him.” Mad Eye moody said from the other end of the table.  


Upset looks were exchanged before a Daily Prophet was handed to Harry.  


Remus watched Harry scan the paper before tossing it aside.  


“So the Ministry are telling everyone I’m lying? Is that why they said I was lying at the trial? They don’t believe Voldemort’s back?” Harry snapped.  


The members of the Order nodded, apart from Severus.  


Harry looked at Remus imploringly.  


“Fudge is using his links with the Prophet to smear your name Harry- Dumbledore’s as well. He is convinced Dumbledore wants to take his job and is attempting to scare people.” Remus explained.  


“Why would he think that? That’s crazy!” Harry said angrily.  


“Yes,” Remus agreed, “but fear can make people do crazy things, and the Minister is afraid. Fourteen years ago, Voldemort had a very large following; we nearly lost every part of our world which we hold dear!”  


Remus noticed Severus shift uncomfortably in his chair but he said nothing.  


“We believe Voldemort is building up his army again. He used to have a huge following, not only witches and wizards but dark creatures as well. We believe he is recruiting again,” Sirius stated. Harry sat still, drinking in every word.  


“We also believe,” Sirius continued, “that he’s after something,”  


“Sirius!” Mad Eye warned, shooting him a look. 

Remus glanced encouragingly at Sirius.  


“What is he after?” Harry asked, ignoring Mad Eye.  


“Something he didn’t have last time…” Sirius answered.  


“What-a weapon?”  


“That’s enough, Sirius!” Molly cried, standing in front of Sirius with her hands on her hips, “he’s just a boy, for goodness sake!”  


“I want to fight! Let me join the Order and help you!” Harry pleaded.  


“As much as Potter enjoys digging into other people’s business, I must agree with Molly on this,” Severus stated silkily from his chair at the far end.  


Sirius glared down at the Slytherin.  


“You heard him, he wants to help!” Sirius pointed out, “why not tell him?”  


“Do you really need it explained to you, Black? Potter is an underage wizard- he cannot be involved in business of the Order.” Came the reply.  


“You just want to keep him in the dark!” Sirius spat.  


“Perhaps we should leave it there,” Remus said to his friend. Sirius looked at him furiously.  


“You’re siding with that stupid greasy git?” Sirius asked.  


“At least I’m not a fugitive!” Severus snapped.  


“Gentlemen!” Remus shouted, silencing them both.  


Harry looked at Remus and Sirius questioningly but Remus shook his head.  


Severus got up from the table and swept out of the door.  


“Well, let’s stop all this talk of You-Know-Who and the Minister’s nonsense and eat some dinner!” Molly announced, encouraging the twins to set the table. 

 

Severus sat at home in his jogging bottoms after his run, sipping a protein shake and watching the fire. 

His fingers traced his Dark Mark absentmindedly while he reflected on Harry’s behaviour towards Sirius.  


It was not a fatherly craving for affection- Severus had never been the type for public displays of emotion- it was more frustration at not being able to say anything on seeing his son embrace his enemy.  


“If you knew what role those fucking dicks played in keeping your mother and I apart, you wouldn’t want to look at him! Let alone…” Severus sighed bitterly and pushed the memories out of his mind as much as his feelings would allow.  


I’m going to have to borrow Dumbledore’s Pensieve. I can barely keep my thoughts straight!  


He glanced at the phone displaying that he had ten messages from Ollie and Rich. He had not had time for them, though they had bombarded his answer machine with drinks invites since the beginning of the summer.  


Margo had taken to sending him an owl every week, though he had only replied a handful of times.  


“What is she to me?” He wondered to himself as he drained his drink and set his glass down on the floor next to him.  


He decided to avoid contact with Margo for the rest of Summer- or at least until he knew what to do with her, and opened his usual rejection letter for the Dark Arts post from Dumbledore.  


He froze when he read the name of the person replacing the fake Mad Eye Moody. 

 

Delores Umbridge had made her intentions known to the entire school with her speech at the opening feast.  


She had begun working her way around the staff ‘appraising’ them very quickly and she was standing outside of Severus’ office to greet him one rainy Monday morning, clipboard in hand.  


“Good Morning, Professor Snape,” She greeted sweetly.  


Severus gave her a sarcastic smile and opened his classroom door for her.  


She trotted in and started nosing though his cupboards.  


“I have the Fifth years this morning. We are continuing our work on…”  


“Do you always leave ingredients in unlocked cabinets?” Umbridge asked, cutting him off.  


Severus sighed and leaned on his desk.  


“Only those which would not cause the student’s harm. Did you want to see my notes before the class arrives?”  


“Oh, no, that won’t be necessary,” Umbridge replied, closing the cupboards and writing something down. 

She turned to face Severus with a curious look. 

“Would you mind, Professor Snape, if we could talk about your rather long list of criminal convictions?”  


She said the words so girlishly, it was as if she was asking for sugar in her tea.  


Severus was knocked off balance and could only make a surprised noise.  


“You see,” she continued, “it is true-is it not- that you may be subjected to the Dementor’s kiss were you to lose your job here?”  


Oh fuck.  


“I am on probation, which is reviewed every three years- and there is a suspended sentence but that was placed on my head over a decade ago. I hardly think the ministry would honour it after so many years of penance and loyalty,” Severus stated.  


Umbridge wrote something down on her papers before looking at him in the eyes.  


“Oh? So you’ve not questioned The Minister of Magic or sided with Dumbledore against him at all then? Nor been involved in criminal activities since?”  


Oh fucking fuck.  


Severus started sweating. He used his mind training to show nothing on the surface of his face.  


“I am loyal to the Ministry and fully reformed, Professor Umbridge, until anyone proves otherwise.”  


“‘Proof’?”  


Severus was dumbstruck as his class started to pour in and take their seats.  


It took him a few minutes to find his pace, but eventually he did so, telling off Gryffindors and issuing instructions. 

He was frequently interrupted, however, by Professor Umbridge.  


“You applied at first for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position, is that correct?” She asked in the middle of one of his explanations. 

Severus stopped speaking and looked at her.  


“Erm…Yes…” He replied, shooting a look at Harry and his friends as they started giggling.  


“But you were unsuccessful?”  


“Yes…”  


“Why was that?” Umbridge asked.  


Severus resisted the urge to swear and scowled at her instead.  


“You can ask Dumbledore about his staffing choices, Professor.” He replied as calmly as he could. 

She jotted something down but did not retort.  


Severus drew a breath to try to continue but Umbridge cut him off again.  


“You are seeing a young woman in the village, is that correct?” She asked.  


The class became so silent a pin would have been heard dropping.  


Severus blushed and looked at the floor.  


“How is that any of the Ministry’s business?” He barked.  


“I will ask the questions, Professor, thank you. A ‘Miss Margo Woods’, is that correct?”  


“I would like to know what that has to do with…”  


“How did you meet Miss Woods, Professor Snape?”  


Oh fucking, fucking fuck.  


Severus did not answer. 

He instead picked up the text book on his desk and turned the page, transferring an abbreviated instruction list to the chalk board with his wand.  


“I’m waiting, Professor,” Umbridge said, sweetly.  


The class had not started to note anything down, each student enjoying the show. Severus seethed and shut his book with a bang.  


“I am happy to discuss this after my lesson, Professor. You said you are here to appraise my teaching, so please feel free to do so. I refuse to answer any more questions about my personal life!”  


“I am assessing your suitability for the role, Professor Snape. Please- tell me how you met Miss Woods? Unless you are ashamed of anything?”  


Her last statement hung in the air and Severus felt trapped. He looked at her as confidently as he could and stood his ground.  


“She was- and please correct me if I’m wrong since this is so troubling- she was, a student of yours? Is that correct?”  


“Margo is twenty eight. She is an adult who is fully capable of making her own decisions!” Severus snapped, his temper flaring, “How dare you even suggest that I would…”  


“I didn’t suggest anything, Professor, I am just establishing the facts. So she was- around fifteen then when you met, is that correct? And you were her teacher?”  


Severus was hit with a memory of a cheeky, curly haired teenage Margo.  


She had cried with joy when she received a potions passing grade at OWLs, thanking him with a passionate kiss in the Three Broomsticks a decade later.  


He pushed her from his thoughts, cursing under his breath.  


“I have nothing more to say on the subject.”  


“Perhaps later then,” Umbridge said with an air of finality. She wrote something else on the top of the page and walked out, leaving a humiliated Severus staring after her.  


His class went back to working when they clocked his furious expression.

 

 _Severus paced around his office at Hogwarts, unable to sit still._

_He was twenty five and was waiting for a report on his son’s first day at school from Petunia._

_Tuny had only answered his owls occasionally since his fight with Vernon, information was only coming to him in trickles- punishment for his rejecting her._

_A knock on his window from one of the school birds jolted him out of his musings._

_He rushed over to the glass and flung the windows open, ripping the letter off the bird’s foot roughly and sending it away._

 

 _ **Dear Sev,**_

_**We are yet to receive payment for Harry’s school uniform. The uniform has consisted of two jumpers, two shirts (white), one school tie, two pairs of trousers (grey) and a pair of black shoes.**_

_**His P.E Kit consists of sports shorts and a school sports tshirt, plimsolls and a sports pullover.**_

_**The total has come to eighty five pounds and seventy six pence.**_

_**Harry’s first day has gone as expected. He is yet to make many friends.**_

_**Kind regards,**_

_**Petunia**_

 

 _Severus read the letter several times before sitting at his desk and sobbing into his hands, helplessness overwhelming him._

_He wished he had made different choices and could still be there with his son, rather than piecing together the odds and ends of information he was getting from Petunia._

_Severus Snape felt like a failure._

 

Harry drifted in and out of sleep.  


He was there in the room full of crystal balls, walking between the shelves like a ghost, barely touching the floor.  


A deep cold feeling surrounded him as he drifted deeper and deeper into the maze of glass.  


He woke up in a cold sweat, gasping.  


Harry looked at the clock: five passed three in the morning.  


He sighed and settled back down again.  


He had no doubt, his dreams as well as becoming more disturbing, were also a lot more vivid. 

He could feel everything as if he were awake and at times, it was hard not to mistake dreams from reality. 

Harry felt as though he was slowly losing his mind.  


He pressed his head back down into the pillow and was engulfed by the sea air of his favourite dream.  


The young man was there, kneeling next to him, protecting him with his strong body from the surf of the ocean.  


Sea gulls called overhead, the waves rolled and swelled, crashing against the rocks.  


Harry relaxed into his father’s grip, his nose filling with the smell of the sea air and his mind relaxing in a way it had not for many months.  


James Potter had fished out a small crab from the rock pool, which a fascinated Harry reached out to touch. 

The animal was gently lowered back into the water and Harry smiled broadly as he watched it disappear under a rock.  


The water stopped moving as the crab settled and Harry looked at his and his father’s reflection in the water.  


Harry gasped.  


The man holding him behind was young- almost unrecognisable- but his long nose and obsidian eyes could not be mistaken, despite his casual dress or messy hair.  


Sitting behind him in his father’s place was none other than Severus Snape.


	22. Probation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Heads of Houses discuss their appraisals. 
> 
> Harry talks to his friends about his dream
> 
> Severus has an encounter with Margo
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics
> 
> Warnings: Graphic sexual content, hints of non con.

Severus was still seething by the time Tuesday morning came around and he walked into the staff room for coffee.  


The other heads of Houses were all there in a corner and Professor Sprout gestured for him to join them.  


“The bloody cheek of that woman! She asked me how old I was, started asking about my late husband and my qualifications! I have never felt so irritated in all my years!” Professor McGonagall stated, fury leaking out of her pores.  


“She asked me how tall I was! Three times!” Professor Flitwick announced, equally angrily.  


Severus sipped his coffee and rolled his eyes.  


“She as good as accused me of being a predatory paedophile in front of an entire class- just because she found out I’m shagging a twenty-eight year old,” he said.  


“What?” McGonagall snapped, sharing the look of shock in their colleagues faces, “how does that work?”  


“You tell me.” Severus sneered and hid behind his cup, wounded.  


“This is an outrage! An absolute outrage! We must complain to the Ministry!” Professor Flitwick declared, hammering his fist on the table.  


“And say what, you daft pixie? They’re the ones doing it!” Professor Sprout pointed out.  


This realisation sunk in to the minds of the other Heads of Houses, shoulders slumped and a defeated feeling came over all of them.  


“Why did she accuse you of such a thing, Severus?” Professor McGonagall asked firmly, looking at him directly.  


Severus put his cup onto the table and leaned forward so he could only be heard by the group.  


“I’m seeing a former student- don’t look at me like that, Minerva, she’s in her late twenties now! She was in the fifth year when I first started here. Umbridge accused me of grooming her- I think anyway. That was the insinuation.”  


Professor Sprout and Flitwick looked away, mulling the ethics of this over in their heads while McGonagall stared at her tea on the desk.  


Severus felt embarrassed and took to fiddling with his spoon.  


“I have never- and would never- touch a student.” He said slowly.  


“Are we talking about that nasty witch?” Professor Trelawney asked over Flitwick’s shoulder, “she accused me of fakery! I have never been so insulted! I can only guess that Mercury is in her ninth house with Mars rising.”  


“Is that another way of saying Umbridge is an overbaked Flubberworm?” Flitwick quipped.  


Trelawney giggled to herself before looking around anxiously.  


“She can’t actually fire us though- can she?” She asked.  


The Heads looked at each other and sighed collectively, none of them needing to answer.

 

“Harry, you can’t be serious? Snape? Are you sure it was him?” Hermione asked over her eggs in the great hall.  


Ron stuffed a sausage into his mouth and made a face.  


“Yes, I’m sure it was him,” Harry said, picking at his breakfast.  


He had barely slept since he had seen Snape in his dream and several sleepless nights had started to take their toll.  


“It must be because of Umbridge giving him such a hard time yesterday. He must have been on your mind!” Hermione suggested, glaring at Ron as he swallowed his breakfast in one gulp.  


“Told Fred and George about that!” He said gleefully, “apparently that Margo person is the hot bar maid in the Three Broomsticks! Why would a girl like that be going out with Snape? You don’t think they ‘do it’, do you? Imagine his greasy hands on you!”  


Ron yelped as a piece of toast was thrown at his head by Hermione.  


“That’s enough, Ronald!” She barked before turning back to Harry. “Look,” she said in a tone Harry guessed was attempting to be reassuring, “I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything, he’s just on your mind, that’s all.”  


Harry shrugged and abandoned his plate.  


“Why would I see him as young though? It doesn’t make sense! That dream by the sea, it’s not like a proper dream- more like a memory. Why would Snape be there?”  


“Why don’t you ask him? He’s coming this way…” Ron warned.  


Snape swept up to the table, his black eyes darting to each of their faces menacingly.  


“Potter,” he snapped, glaring at the boy, “Late night making mischief was it?”  


“Just couldn’t sleep, sir.” Harry spat back.  


“Well, I hope you aren’t going to try avoiding work in my lesson, Potter. We have a lot to cover before your exams at the end of the year and slacking off will be punished.”  


With that, he strode off in the direction on the dungeons, his long cape billowing out behind him.  


“Oh yeh, Harry, he definitely looked after you as a little kid,” Ron said sarcastically, “you can feel the warmth coming off him- he’s very nurturing.”  


Harry shook his head and scowled.  


“Maybe Umbridge will fire him because of that Margo women,” he said hopefully, “He definitely did something wrong, I heard Snape and Margo arguing at the Yule ball. He was really upset afterwards.”  


Ron and Hermione looked at him shocked.  


“Harry- why didn’t you tell us about that?” Hermione asked.  


Harry sat back and furrowed his brow.  


“I- I don’t know. I promised him I wouldn’t and I felt sorry for him, I suppose,”  


“Wait- you spoke to him after? What was the row about?” Ron asked.  


“She said something about him trying to steal something from her- she said ‘lighter’ but I don’t think that’s what she meant. Then she hit him because he’d shagged someone else.” Harry recalled.  


His friends both gasped and looked across the table at each other, their mouths hanging open.  


“Bloody hell, how many girlfriends does he have?” Ron exclaimed.  


“Harry,” Hermione said seriously, “did you tell Dumbledore about this? None of that sounds very good, especially if he wanted you to keep it quiet!”  


Harry looked at the floor angrily.  


“I would if he’d talk to me,” he answered bitterly, “I just need a good night’s sleep without that greasy git, Umbridge or Voldemort making an appearance!”

 

 _Severus had not spoken to Lily since she had climbed out of his window in the holiday and was increasingly desperate to talk to her._

_“What are you doing going out with a Mudblood anyway?” Thomas, a Sytherin boy in the sixth year asked him from the window in the common room._

_Severus dived at him and grabbed his throat._

_“What did you just fucking say?” He yelled._

_“Gentlemen!” Professor Slughorn bellowed from the doorway._

_Severus dropped the older boy and stood sheepishly a little way away._

_Slughorn beckoned him over._

_“What’s this about you falling out with your Lily Evens then, Severus? What could have possibly happened?”_

_Slughorn had a kind way about him- Severus always felt like the Professor truly cared._

_Even so, he didn’t feel like getting himself in trouble by admitting to reading banned books._

_He shrugged and looked at the floor._

_Slughorn wrapped his large arms around Severus’ small frame._

_“How about I hold a nice meal of the Slug-Club? Give you two some time together to make amends?”_

_Severus felt tears springing to his eyes as he fought the urge to run and hide._

_“Don’t worry about it, Professor. We’ll be fine. Or James Fucking Potter will take advantage and steal her from me!”_

_That was it, the thought alone made Severus start to sob into the Professor’s robes._

_Slughorn rubbed his back and soothed him for a while until Severus calmed himself down._

_Slughorn took out a picture from his pocket and showed it to Severus._

_It was of Severus and Lily watching Quidditch in the stands, Severus laughing and pointing and Lily gazing at him lovingly._

_They were wearing each other’s house scarves and looked to be in the second or third year._

_Severus took the picture from him and smiled._

_“Keep it, I have plenty- I love young love, I’ve got a bit of a collection of you two! I was going to give them to you on your wedding day.”_

_Slughorn winked at him and grinned._

_Severus blushed and nodded, tucking the photo into his pocket._

 

Severus was marking his seventh year essays when a knock came at the door of his office.  


It swung open before he had time to answer.  


Professor Umbridge bounced in with a sealed envelope- Severus felt his stomach drop.  


“Professor Snape, after careful consideration I have concluded the results of your appraisal,” she sang, handing him the letter.  


Severus did not want to give her the satisfaction of seeing him worried so he placed it in the far corner of his desk behind some papers.  


“Aren’t you going to read it?” She asked in her girlish tone.  


Severus went back to his marking.  


“When I have time, I am rather busy at the moment: we have mock exams coming up next term for the fifth and seventh years.”  


Umbridge seemed disappointed with his answer and lingered for a few minutes before leaving.  


The moment the door shut, Severus grabbed the letter and ripped it open.  


“…Inappropriate behaviour regarding former students…unsavoury criminal history…Insubordination…Probation with possible termination of employment….” Severus folded the letter with shaking hands and a knot in his stomach. “Fuck…” 

 

Margo finished cleaning down the bar and was just tucking the last of the chairs in when she heard the door open.  


“Sorry,” she called over her shoulder, “we’re closed!”  


“I’m not here for that,” came Severus’ reply.  


She spun round only to be scooped up in his arms and have a passionate kiss pressed to her lips.  


She giggled and returned it, easing his mouth open and tasting his tongue, sliding her arms around his neck.  


He sat her on the bar and pulled her legs around his waist, grinding against her lower half with obvious arousal.  


She pulled away to breathe and stared at him.  


“What’s got into you? I haven’t seen you all term…”  


His mouth against hers cut her off, sliding his hands under her work uniform and squeezing her breasts gently.  


Margo groaned at the sensation and let him push her into a laying position with her legs dangling over the edge of the wooden bar.  


His head was under her dress and his mouth was kissing her through her underwear before she could take a breath.  


“Severus!” She exclaimed, trying to push him away and sit up, “We’re in the bar- someone could come in and catch us!”  


His strong hands held her in position and he eased up her dress to allow himself air.  


“Let them watch,” he whispered before pulling her underwear off.  


Margo was unable to protest before she felt her most sensitive organs be licked and kissed by a forceful, passionate mouth.  


She had to stifle a scream as he pulled her lower body roughly towards him, hooking her legs over his shoulders and plunging his tongue deep into her entrance, devouring her completely.  


His lust-filled assault lasted for several minutes, masterfully building her up to her release before sliding his ring and middle fingers into her and watching her body spasm in ecstasy.  


He did not give her any time to recover, nor a word of an explanation.  


As she tried to gather herself he dragged her off the bar and over the nearest table. The hard landing knocked the air out of her lungs, and she struggled to breathe as he tugged her skirt up again and entered her from behind.  


He started to hit a bundle of nerves inside her which sent wave after wave of pleasure through her. 

Despite her anger at her rough treatment and confusion at his actions, she started to enjoy the sensations and moaned into the air.  


Satisfied he was pleasing her, he pumped into her harder, slamming himself into her body as forcefully as he could.  


She felt him suddenly slow and shudder as her body was filled with his release before feeling him remove himself from her.  


She fell against the table again, boneless, sated and still confused.  


“What are you doing here?” She asked when she had got her breath back.  


She turned to see him slumped against the bar, his head in his hands.  


“I’ve been busy, but I missed you so I thought I’d come and visit.”  


Margo felt her heart leap and she straightened up, smiling at him.  


“So you do care after all, Sev. I knew it,” She said triumphantly.  


She went to the other side of the bar and poured them both a Fire Whiskey.  


Severus took at and smiled at her before raising it, then draining it.  


“I’ll come down tomorrow. I have a free.” He said cheerfully as he started to walk towards the door.  


“I’m doing a few shifts in the Hog’s Head this week, come and find me there.”  


He winked at her and swaggered out, leaving Margo feeling glowing and loved.


	23. Short Lived Victories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus clashes with Umbridge again- who will come out of this victorious? 
> 
> Harry's dreams lead to special lessons with Snape, but what is the Potions Master hiding? 
> 
> Lily and Severus have a talk after their 'break'. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics. 
> 
> Warnings: one use of language some may find offensive.

On his way to yet another potions detention, Harry felt elated now that Dumbledore’s Army had officially been set up.  


He had felt so isolated ever since he had started the year with so few willing to believe him and he now felt they had a chance.  


He had gotten a chance to look at Margo, who was in the Hogs Head while they were having their meeting. 

He concluded, though he was still set on Cho, that Margo was indeed beautiful.  


Her green eyes were startlingly bright, almost the same colour as Harry’s own, and her long chestnut curls were so shiny Harry wanted to run his fingers through them.  


Her body was curvy-Harry decided to himself that he liked her fullness, particularly in certain departments.  


To top it all was the smile she had flashed him as she brought their drinks- it was enough to make Harry feel weak at the knees.  


 

He winced as his hand caught the door as he walked into the dark classroom in the Dungeons.  


He noticed a pile of filthy cauldrons in the sink and made a quick guess what his punishment was to be.  


Snape was sitting at his desk with a pile of papers- he barely even looked up as Harry entered the room.  


“All of those cauldrons must be shining before you may leave, Potter. No magic.”  


Harry sighed quietly and started running the water, glancing at his hand as he did so.  


‘I will not tell lies’ was still cut into the top of his hand from his latest detention with Umbridge and it was starting to look infected. He turned off the water and ignored the pain the soup caused him as he started scrubbing, not wanting to give Snape the satisfaction of seeing his hand.  


After several minutes working in silence, Harry started to think the pain was becoming more intense. He ignored it as best he could and risked a glance at the Potions Master.  


Snape was engrossed in his paperwork, though Harry noticed he wasn’t turning the page often enough to actually be reading. Far more likely he was pretending to be busy as to avoid talking to Harry.  


Harry rolled his eyes and examined the pot he was scrubbing.  


His hand had really started to burn and he wondered how much longer he could have it in the water.  


Harry gritted his teeth and plunged his hands back into the water, scrubbing the last of the burned on potion and placing the pot on the draining board.  


He picked up the next one and noticed blood in the water: his cuts had opened and were spilling blood all over the cleaned pots.  


“I hope you are not going to drag this out all night, Potter. It seems you are incapable of following even the simplest of instructions- how like your retched father you are…”  


Harry was so focussed on his aching, bleeding hand he barely heard Snape’s words, electing to grab a cloth and press the wound instead.  


Harry seethed as Snape regarded him with curious annoyance.  


“Have you managed to cut yourself on a sponge, Potter?” He asked, sweeping out of his seat and over to Harry. “I must say, the level of stupidity is astounding, even coming from you!”  


He snatched at Harry’s wrist before Harry could pull away and ripped the cloth off his hand roughly.  


He stood in silence for a long moment, staring at the cuts.  


Harry looked at Snape’s face. His expression was unreadable, not blank- but he could not guess what was going through the Slytherin’s mind.  


Snape pulled his hand closer and inspected it. His finger-tips brushed the wounds carefully until he was looking at Harry directly in the eyes.  


“Who?”  


The question was very blunt and without feeling.  


Harry scowled back and looked away.  


“Umbridge.” He mumbled.  


Snape let go of his hand and vanished into his store room, returning with a pot of gel-like gunk with a seaweed smell.  


“Apply this twice a day and keep it clean. If you’re diligent it won’t scar.”  


The pot was shoved into Harry’s hands and Snape then backed away and sat back at his desk.  


Harry turned the pot over in his hands and gazed in disbelief at the potions master. 

 

Ron took he pot and stared at it for a long time before handing it back to Harry.  


“So- he just gave you that?” Ron asked.  


They were sat by the fire in the common room, putting together their plans for the D.A meetings after the Christmas holidays.  


Hermione was rubbing the substance between her thumb and finger, her nose wrinkled thoughtfully.  


“Honestly, I don’t know what this is, Harry, I’ll have to go to the library and find out,” she stated.  


Harry nodded and turned to Ron.  


“Yeah, he just got it out of the store and gave it to me. He wasn’t nice or anything, but this stuff does help a lot!” Harry showed his friends the healing cuts before taking the pot off Ron.  


“Pretty handy for scrapes if we can find out how he made it,” Ron pointed out. Harry thought of all of the injuries he had attained over the years and felt inclined to agree. 

 

Severus was virtually shaking with rage as he paced around his study. The cuts in Harry’s hand may as well have been slashes in his heart- and he had no way to get revenge.  


He balled his hands into fists and stared out of the window, ignoring the door as someone knocked.  


The knock came again- louder this time.  


“What?” He snapped, waving a hand to unlock the door.  


Umbridge stepped in, her face bright and determined.  


“Snape, can I have a word regarding your probation?”  


Severus forced himself to calm using the same tricks he used for the Dark Lord.  


Patience, Severus, patience.  


He nodded formally and sat at the desk opposite her.  


“I’m going to be very straight with you, professor.” Umbridge stated, crossing her arms and grinning like a school girl, “I have grounds to fire you. I am of the same opinion of the minister: an ex Death Eater has no place teaching in a school- particularly one with your…” she coughed as if she had tasted something unpleasant, “…record.”  


Severus felt a ‘but’ coming so resisted defending himself.  


“”I am prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt, however, in exchange for certain…services…”  


Severus’ mind reeled as he mentally listed the various things she may ask him to do. There was no doubt, his life- and therefore Harry’s- was on the line, he had to stay calm.  


“What do you want?” he asked.  


Umbridge adopted a business-like demeanour as she leaned forwards and joined her fingers together.  


“I need Veritaserum for an investigation into student activities.”  


Severus could hardly believe his ears. He tried not to react, though his eyes widened on their own volition.  


“You want to use a truth potion on students? Something which is only allowed in certain cases even with convicts? On…students…” He said the last few words slowly for effect in the hope she would think twice.  


Instead, Umbridge nodded and smiled.  


“And I need you to brew it and give it to me.”  


“No.”  


The word dropped out of his mouth on its own before he could bite it back, but he was pleased it had. His clever mind began to whir into action.  


“No? Perhaps you don’t understand your position…” Umbridge stated, clearly upset.  


Severus leaned towards her, mirroring her stance.  


“Perhaps it is you who does not understand, Professor Umbridge. You say you have grounds to fire me and have made it your personal mission to humiliate and attack me at every opportunity- yet you have stopped short of dismissal and chosen poor Professor Trelawney instead. From this I can deduce that you lack evidence to rightfully dismiss me, including proof of your wild claims of misconduct with Miss Woods. Furthermore, had you evidence of any of this, you would be sacking me- not offering me a deal. By doing so, you are risking the Prophet reporting Ministerial protection being given to a peodo-ex-Death Eater. Admit it, Umbridge, you have fuck all. Now I’m happy to forget this conversation ever took place if you stay away from me for the rest of the year.”  


Severus sat silent, enjoying the look of outrage on Umbridge’s face.  


She opened and closed her mouth but was forced to concede, standing up and walking over to the door before turning to him.  


“I’m going to make sure you regret this, filthy half-blood!” She snapped.  


Severus smirked and pulled a pile of papers in front of him, victorious.  


“Do your worst, bitch.” Came the reply. 

 

A silvery light woke Severus up from a deep sleep. He rolled over and looked over to source- a cat patronus.  


“Severus, please come to Dumbledore’s office immediately! There’s something wrong with Potter and it can’t wait!” The cat said in Professor McGonagall’s voice.  


Severus watched it fade as its’ words hit him in a crash of realisation, climbing out of bed and grabbing his robes from the floor.  


“Sev?” Margo rolled over, seeing him hurriedly dressing.  


Severus pulled his hair off his face and grabbed his wand from the side table before kissing her quickly on her lips.  


“I’m so sorry, Margo, I have to go. Sleep, I’ll be back later…” He shushed, rushing out the door.  


He felt more questions forming from her but he didn’t have time to think.  


He ran down the corridor and was standing in Dumbledore’s office before he’d realised he’d arrived.  


“Ah, Severus! Good of you to come so late,” Dumbledore greeted, eyeing Harry cautiously.  


Harry turned, giving Severus a shock.  


The boy looked utterly terrified- wide eyed and sweat pouring off him, panting for breath.  


Severus steeled himself and ripped his eyes away from his son and back to the old wizard.  


“You sent for me, Headmaster?” He asked as calmly as he could muster.  


“I’m afraid there is no time to wait, we must begin tonight!” Dumbledore ordered.  


Severus felt his stomach drop- he had refused to teach Harry Occlumency stating it to be too high risk- but was not in a position to argue.  


Dumbledore always gets his way. I can’t leave Harry like this and he knows it.  


Severus roughly grabbed Harry’s arm and yanked him out of the room and down the corridor. 

 

 _Severus sat in his chair at the Slug Club, trying to enjoy his meal._

_He could barely keep track of the conversations, hoping against hope Lily would appear._

_They had been back at school for a week now- a week longer than Lily had said their ‘break’ would last._

_He tried to forget the looks Potter and his friend’s had been giving him in lessons: looks of triumph._

_“She’ll show, don’t worry, my lad,” Slughorn reassured him, as if reading his mind. Severus replied with a weak smile and went back to picking at his salad._

_“So how are your father’s team doing this season, Luis?” The professor asked, turning to the blond boy to his left._

_“Very well, sir. He sent you tickets to next week’s game, if you want them,” The boy answered between gulps of his chips._

_“Tell him ‘Thank you’,” Slughorn beamed, nudging Severus, “he usually sends a few if you’d like to come to a Quidditch game? I’ll bet your father doesn’t take you since he’s a…you know?”_

_“Knob?” Severus said bitterly._

_“I was going to say ‘muggle’, Severus. Don’t be like that, boy, we can all go to a game together, can’t we, Luis?”_

_Luis smiled at Severus warmly, his Hufflepuff tie dipping in ketchup._

_Severus smiled back sarcastically._

_Just as he was about to give up on the evening, Lily walked through the door._

_She was wearing her uniform still, her hair beautifully ruffled by the long day she’d clearly had._

_Her green eyes met Severus and to his surprise, she ran over to him._

_“Can we have a chat?” She asked, smiling in greeting at Professor Slughorn._

_Slughorn gave him an encouraging smile as Severus allowed her to take his hand and lead him to the other side of the dining room._

_“Severus, I’m not going to lie, I was really upset by you having those books. It’s not just that though,” Lily was holding his hand, but her face was turned to the floor. “I know your life at home is really hard, but last year when you got arrested for drug dealing and the shop lifting thing…. Well it’s like that’s happening again. You’re falling in with the wrong crowd- in the wizarding world this time- and I’m really scared you’re going to turn into someone who…isn’t you anymore. It’s like you’re choosing a path I can’t follow you on…does that make sense?”_

_Severus listened intently and was shocked by her words._

_He had been caught up in some laddish behaviour with some older boys on the estate, but after his mother had picked him up from the muggle police the second time, he conceded he had gone too far._

_Severus had just wanted to be a part of something exciting, he had never wanted to upset anyone._

_Lily at the time had laughed._

_“Where’s this come from? Who have you been speaking to about this?” Severus asked suspiciously._

_Lily looked insulted for a moment, but her expression softened when she met his brown eyes._

_“James Potter. Don’t go mad- I just ended up explaining why we were taking a bit of time and actually, he was really understanding. I think you need to talk to him, he’d be good for you,”_

_Lily felt Severus’ whole body shake as he stepped closer to her._

_“Ok, number one: he doesn’t like me because he’s a snobby rich prick like his friends and they have me labelled as a pikey who should know my place cleaning their shoes. My troubled past is not going to make us friends- I don’t want his advice, nor his sympathy. Number two: He’s only pretending to give a flying fuck about us because he wants to get between your legs- and don’t act like you don’t know, I know you better than that. He probably sees you as some poor Cinderella he can rescue from your poor muggle life of not-very-well-off family and criminal boyfriends.”_

_Lily looked at him shocked, not speaking for a few minutes._

_Severus felt his temper ebbing off. He lightly brushed a few strands of hair from her face._

_“I miss you, Lily. I’ve got rid of the books, I just want to focus on you- no one else.”_

_Lily took his hand gently and brushed her lips on his before leaning to his ear._

_“I love you,” she whispered._

_Severus felt his heart fly and he captured her in his arms in a tight embrace._

_“Listen to me,” Lily warned, pulling back so they could see each other, “One more fuck up and we’re done- you hear me? I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself so I’m going to leave it to you. Please choose me, Sev, I don’t know what I’d do without you!”_

_Severus kissed her passionately, ignoring the cat calls and giggling from the table across the room._

_Tears started rolling down his cheeks as he lost himself in her touch, smell and taste._

_Lily broke the kiss, crying and smiling as well._

_She grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him hard on his lips._

_“I mean it, Mr. Last fucking chance. Don't you dare go dark wizard on me!”_

_“Don’t worry, my love, I won’t let you down ever again.”_

 

Severus gave Harry a pre-rehearsed speech about Occlumency and selected his wand with his back to Harry. 

He always felt very torn when he and the teen were alone, unsure of how to act and guilt stabbing him painfully.  


“You- you mean Voldemort can read my mind?” Harry spluttered.  


Severus rolled his eyes and turned to the boy, attempting to be as sinister as he could.  


“Read it, control it, unhinge it,” Severus answered, a dark smile spreading across his face.  


He watched Harry recoil and stepped back, satisfied the boy wold take things seriously.  


“You must clear your mind of all thoughts and memories which may be used as weapons. This takes a tremendous about of self- discipline and concentration, I do not expect perfection at first. However with practice and commitment from you, you will seal off your mind from external penetration. Let’s begin,”  


“Wait!” Harry protested.  


Severus raised his wand and plunged into Harry’s mind.  


A swirl of memories hit him: a giant snake chasing him, Sirius smiling, Lupin turning into a werewolf, dementors flying at him and filling him with dread and a cottage by the sea.  


Severus pulled out of the memories and stood stock still, watching as Harry grabbed at his own head, dizzy and confused.  


“That last memory- the one with the cottage by the sea: what was that?” Severus snapped, half panicked.  


“That was horrible! How did you get into my head like that? You saw everything?”  


“Potter, this is serious!” Severus ran over to the seated boy and pulled his head up to meet his eyes.  


“Get off me!” Harry snapped, wriggling out of his grip.  


“The memory of the house by the sea. What was that?”  


Harry looked confused, then realisation came across his face.  


“Oh, no that’s a dream I have sometimes.” Harry explained.  


Severus backed away from him, wondering what else Harry remembered and whether or not he, Severus, was in danger.  


His heart was beating at a ridiculous pace and he needed to either go running or smoke.  


He breathed calmly and sat on the desk, taking out a cigarette and lighting the end.  


“How long have you been having this ‘dream’ then? Is it just a cottage? And don’t bother lying to me, Potter, I can see into your thoughts,”  


Harry looked at the floor angrily and moved his feet.  


“It’s a place I dream about, my dad’s usually there with me. I can’t see his face, I’m too small I suppose because in the dream I’m little, apart from the other night which was wrong…”  


“Wrong? What do you mean, wrong?”  


Harry met his eyes and blushed, sighing with annoyance.  


“I looked at his face and it was you, sir.”  


Severus sucked in the smoke deep into his lungs and held it there until he felt the urge to cough. 

The distraction stopped him from reacting in any way.  


“Sir, Hermione thought it may be a memory- somewhere my Dad took me when I was young- before he died. You don’t know anything about that, do you?”  


“You mean ‘was I there’?”  


“Yeah, I suppose,”  


“No, of course not. James Potter was an egotistical bully with a taste for trouble and a messiah complex. Why would I join him on a seaside holiday to Cornwall?”  


“Stop talking about my Dad like that!” Harry snapped, standing up.  


Severus smiled and continued smoking, his eyes flashing a warning.  


Harry sat back down on the chair but continued glaring at him.  


“Now then, Potter,” Severus continued, now satisfied the teen didn’t know anything he shouldn’t, “you must clear your mind before sleep in order to improve. I expect progress when you return next week- shall we say six o’clock on Thursday? We will say you are having remedial potions lessons- the true nature of these sessions must remain secret.”  


Harry bristled but stood to leave. Severus resisted any kind words from pouring out of him and stood stiffly holding the door open instead. 

 

Harry sat in the great hall angrily picking at his eggs the next morning.  


“So, the lessons will keep Voldemort out of your mind then?” Hermione asked nervously.  


Harry looked at her grumpily and sighed.  


“Well, if I ‘clear my mind’ before sleep,” He explained, “he had a nose in my memories too”  


“I’d hate his big honker in my memories!” Ron snapped, placing a sympathetic arm on Harry, “bet that git’s enjoying himself!”  


“Once again, Professor Snape is helping you, Harry, surely you can be a little grateful to him,” Hermione pointed out. 

Harry looked at his breakfast thoughtfully and reflected on the night’s lesson.  


“He didn’t really help because he didn’t tell me anything. All he did was insult my dad and ask about that dream by the sea!”  


“The one that he was in the other night?” Ron asked quickly, “what did he say?”  


“He just made fun of me even thinking he’d come ‘on holiday to Cornwall’. I could have punched him, I only asked if he was actually there!”  


Ron made an irritated noise, but Hermione tilted her head curiously.  


“If he wasn’t there, Harry, how did he know where it was?” She asked.  


Harry screwed up his face in confusion.  


“What?”  


“He said it was Cornwall. If it was a dream or was a memory but he wasn’t there, how did he know it was Cornwall?”  


“Bloody hell!” Ron exclaimed, “Harry- Snape was there when you were little! Why is he hiding that?”  


Hermione shrugged and turned back to a shocked Harry.  


“The question isn’t why he’s hiding it, it’s what else is he hiding!” Harry declared. 

 

Severus had been knocking back as many coffees as his bladder would allow him all morning after virtually no sleep.  


He, Rich and Ollie had done many ‘all-nighters’ over the years, but that usually involved sex and alcohol.  


Severus had also never had to teach after.  


His morning dragged and he was hoping to grab a power nap when a first year Ravenclaw girl with pigtails rushed up to him.  


“Professor Snape, sorry to bother you, sir,” She said politely.  


He looked at her bleary eyed and smiled at her.  


“Yes, Tagen, what can I do for you?”  


“Is that nice lady with the curly hair who works in the village your girlfriend, sir?”  


He stood from his desk and looked down on the small girl, his temper flaring.  


“I never had you down as someone who gossips, Miss Matthews,” he snapped.  


She went red and started spluttering.  


“No- it’s not- I just- It’s just she’s being arrested, sir, in the courtyard…”  


Severus bolted as fast as he could up the stairs and through the main hall where a small crowd had gathered.  


Hands grabbed him as he tried to get through the door. He spun around and found Harry holding his robes.  


“She tried to arrest Dumbledore, Sir! He got away but then she came out here and went for Margo. I tried to stop her but…”  


Severus pushed Harry off roughly and ran to the centre of the courtyard where Margo was being held by her arms by two Aurors, Umbridge in front of her waiting.  


“Ah, Professor Snape, how good of you to join us,” she said sweetly.  


“Severus!” Margo cried.  


Severus looked her over from where he was standing. She had no obvious injuries but looked very distressed.  


“So this is how you fight your battles, is it, Umbridge? Dragging innocent by-standers into things?” He snapped.  


The students watching looked at each other nervously as Umbridge stepped towards him.  


“That’s ‘Headmistress’, Professor,” She corrected, smiling at his appalled expression, “and I think you’ll find the ministry is very diligent when it comes to weeding out traitors.”  


Severus scoffed and whirled around on the spot. He was being watched by at least two hundred students and the odd teacher here and there: his usual violent plan b was not an option.  


“Let her go at once!” McGonagall yelled from the front entrance.  


Severus turned to see Professors McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick and Burbage, all descending on the scene. 

He smiled with relief and joined them in a line.  


Umbridge smiled at each of them in turn and then looked around that the children  


“It seems Hogwarts is in a much worse state than we had thought so I am pleased to inform you that the ministry is taking over your education. From now onwards, under my leadership, the teachers with be subject to random spot inspections and will follow ministry approved courses in all subjects. Failure to comply will be dealt with…” Her grin widened, “severely. Now then, Professors: Professor Snape knows full well that if he simply cooperates with me we can avoid any more upset. This is up to him.”  


Severus growled and looked into Margo’s terrified eyes.  


“Severus, please, do what she says! Don’t let them take me to Azkaban!” She begged.  


Severus shook his head and walked up to her, kissing her forehead gently.  


“I won’t, don’t worry, sweetheart, I won’t. Fine, Headmistress. I will have two phials of potion on your desk by this evening, on the understanding you will release Miss Woods. Do we have an agreement?”  


He turned to look at Umbridge whose expression had darkened.  


“I offered you a deal already, Snape, and you refused- do you recall? You will give me two phials today followed by whatever else I ask you to do or brew for me, and you shall do so without argument. Miss Woods here is guilty of assisting students to set up the secret and illegal club ‘Dumbledore’s Army’, and so is going to Azkaban to await trial. If you refuse to cooperate, you shall join her and she will have a front row seat at your execution: How’s that as an agreement?”  


Severus made a strangled noise as the Aurors started dragging Margo towards the gates. She started shrieking and kicking but the men held her firm and continued dragging her.  


Severus was pulled back by several teachers spells in an attempt to stop him from making matters worse.  


“Severus!” Margo cried, twisting and fighting as hard as she could, “please- you can’t let her do this! Please stop her! Don’t let them take me!”  


“Get off me!” Severus roared, struggling to get free.  


Umbridge openly laughed at the two lovers as Margo was finally pulled out of sight and Severus was released.  


He sat on the ground, panting and raging.  


“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!” He cried at Umbridge.  


Umbridge ignored the furious looks she was getting and put her face so close to his their noses touched.  


“My worst.” She replied with a smile.


	24. Occlumency and Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus teaches Harry Occlumency.
> 
> Severus has another row with Lily.
> 
> Umbridge regrets upsetting Snape
> 
> Trigger warning: suicide

 

 

Severus walked into the Riddle House with a fire the other Death Eaters had not seen of him in years.

He had dispensed with his robes, wearing only a thin black t shirt and black trousers with a silver belt buckle- his muscles and toned body very much on display.

He looked around briefly before sitting at the long dining table, a few seats away from the Dark Lord.

“Severus,” Voldemort greeted, “you have decided to come dressed as a muggle today?”

Severus scowled and leaned back on his chair.

“No, my Lord. I was out of the castle and did not wish to delay you by rushing back to dress in my robes. Please continue,” Severus explained.

Lucius smiled at him from across the table, as did Narcissa.

“We were just discussing our friends in the ministry. They are very much playing into our hands by ignoring us- and their attacks on Potter are a delightful bonus!” Voldemort said, smiling sadistically.

He turned to Severus, who returned the eye contact.

“What is the situation at the school? Am I right in saying the Ministry is taking over and Albus Dumbledore has fled?”  
Severus nodded.

“Dumbledore has escaped the Ministry- who are being more overbearing than ever with regards to lessons and discipline. A certain Delores Umbridge is headmistress now.” He reported.

“Who is this woman? Do we think she can be controlled in time?” Avery asked from the other side of the table.

“No, she is loyal to Fudge- though she has the kind of nasty mind which may have been useful to us. She does, however, have information regarding the ministry and its’ plans for survival. I recommend extraction through torture. I would like to enthusiastically volunteer as interrogator. ” Severus replied, grinning slightly.

The other Death Eaters chuckled.

“Not a fan, Severus?” Voldemort ventured.

Severus shrugged and folded his arms.

“I’d chain her to my desk and slowly skin her alive if I didn’t think she’d enjoy that!” He spat, earning a chuckle from the Dark Lord himself, “at least it shows the Ministry is divided and the fools are turning in on themselves. Gaining access to Fudge and his inner circle will be child’s play if this continues.”

The meeting gained an excited edge with Severus’ renewed zeal, the men and women talking animatedly, laying down plans of attack.

Voldemort watched them do so encouragingly, calling Severus back after the meeting.

Lucius and Narcissa hung back defensively while Severus moved to stand before him.

The Dark Lord’s eyes became slits as he regarded the younger wizard, who dropped immediately to his knees.

Voldemort ran his fingers into Severus’ hair in a pleasurable way, gently scratching his scalp and massaging his head.

“Severus, I have not seen you the way you have been tonight for a long time. It pleases me immensely- but the Dark Lord cannot help but wonder where this change of heart has come from?”

Severus, despite himself, was enjoying the movements on his scalp and was finding it hard to think up a reasonable answer. He sighed gently before finding his words again.

“I have been away from Dumbledore’s eyes for the first time in years, Master. I feel invigorated and violent. I’m ready to begin the attack.”

“I can see that, Severus,” The Dark Lord cooed.

He indicated for Severus to get up before reaching out and holding him in a warm embrace.

Severus was close enough to cause damage: mere centimetres from the Dark Lord’s neck, his chest against the Dark Lord’s ribs, The Dark Lord’s mind being distracted and his body open to attack.

Severus fought his urges and returned the embrace, breathing in the Dark Lord’s musky smell and the feel of his cold skin.

They broke apart and Severus bowed low before re-joining the Malfoys by the door.

 

 

Harry gasped and collapsed on the floor as Snape pulled out of his mind again.

“Cho-Chang- Interesting choice, Potter,” the potions master said, raising Harry’s temper even more.

Harry pulled himself off the cold floor and faced the teacher down, his wand hanging uselessly from his hand.

“That’s private!” Harry yelled, wiping sweat off his brow.

“Not to me. And not to anyone who tries to invade your mind- especially the Dark Lord!” Snape retorted, his stance hostile as well.

Harry sighed and turned on the spot, pulling at his own hair angrily.

“This isn’t working! How can I clear my mind when someone’s attacking me?” Harry snapped, facing his teacher again.

“I told you before: discipline and concentration. Two traits you are lacking, if your potion making is anything to go by,”

Harry blanched and sat down, his elbows rested on his knees. To his surprise, Snape pulled himself up on to the desk facing him, eying him curiously.

A few quiet moments passed while the two calmed down.

“Is it scary? Lying to Voldemort?” Harry asked quietly.

He wasn’t sure why he’d said it, but he was starting to feel grossly unprepared for the battle ahead.

Snape frowned and looked away.

“We aren’t discussing that now, Potter. Have you practised at all? Do you wish to remain vulnerable to The Dark Lord’s attacks?”

“Why do you call him the ‘Dark Lord’? Only Death Eaters call him that, don’t they?”

“This isn’t about me!” Snape spat, standing up.

Harry barely had time to take a breath before he felt his mind plunged in to again.

Memories flashed before his eyes: his fifth birthday when Dudley got more presents than him, his little cupboard under the stairs, being locked in his room, Uncle Vernon threatening him, long days without food and celebrations he wasn’t allowed to be part of…

His head swirled again and he was back in the dungeon, panting on the floor.

He looked up, humiliated, waiting for mocking which never came.

Snape was standing with his back to Harry and from the looks of it, he was shaking.

“Was that all normal for your childhood, Potter?” He asked.

Harry was so shocked at the question he stilled for a moment with his mouth open.

“What?” He spluttered.

“Was that normal for your childhood?”

Harry blinked, unsure of what to say.

“Er…well yeah…” Harry replied quietly.

Snape turned, his face unreadable.

“You need to go now. I will see you again next week.” He said slowly.

Harry felt fear hit him like a wave as he stared into the fathomless black eyes of the Potions Master.

He could virtually feel waves of rage flowing off the older man.

Harry got up as quickly as he could and wordlessly half ran out of the door.

 

Petunia screamed as the owl flew through the window, landing roughly in her pudding bowl.

Vernon got up to shoo the bird away as Petunia ran to the other side of the table screaming at the top of her lungs.

The bird flew out the way it came, leaving a letter on the table.

“It’s those freaks again!” Vernon yelled, gesturing to the letter, “They’ll haunt us until we die, I swear!”

Petunia leaned forward and picked the letter up with her finger and thumb and held it as far away from herself as her arms would allow.

“Go on, Vernon, you open it,” she suggested nervously.

Vernon backed away, holding his hands up.

“No, no, it’s you who have the connection to them, you open it,” he said.

Petunia swallowed hard and carefully peeled back the opening as if something was going to jump out and bite her.

As if by magic, the letter started yelling.

“You fucking miserable bastards!” Severus’ voice echoed around the room, “did you think I wouldn’t find out you were mistreating Harry? Did you think for one fucking minute I’d let you get away with that?”

“Tell it to be quiet!” Vernon shouted frantically, “The neighbours!”

“I swear on everything I am, I will make you pay for the rest of your pathetic muggle lives do you understand? I am going to destroy you and all you hold dear!”

Petunia jumped into Vernon’s arms in fright, shaking violently.

“You mistreat Harry in any way ever again, I will personally come down there and finish what I started last time: and I won’t stop at knocking you out either!”

The letter tore itself up into little pieces and burst into flames.

The couple stood frozen to the spot for a long while, looking at the charred remains of the Howler.

 

 

Remus watched Severus reporting the Dark Lord’s plans with suspicion.

He had always maintained they should trust him if Dumbledore said to do so, but there was something off about him recently: a darkness growing again.

The Slytherin’s eyes were heavy lidded with fatigue and every day there was a new line on his face.

Remus wondered how much more it would take before Severus cracked.

“So Voldemort was after the Prophecy when he attacked Arthur? The one about Harry?” Remus interjected.

Severus nodded and turned to Mad Eye.

“I’ll step up security with Kingsley, but I don’t know if we can protect it forever. Is it really as dangerous as we think?” Tonks asked.

Mad Eye nodded and started to clumsily pace the room.

“Well, thank goodness Harry was able to save Arthur!” Sirius beamed.

“By the Dark Lord interfering in his dreams! Hardly deliberate on Potter’s part and it has generated more work for me teaching him to shut his mind!” Severus snapped back.

“Yes, I had heard. I’ve raised my objections with Dumbledore about you teaching him without supervision, Snivellus!”

Remus could see an argument forming so attempted to change the subject.

“Tonks, would you help me with some tea pots? I think tea is needed!” He said cheerfully.

He thought for a moment he had imagined it, but Tonks appeared to blush as she stood to help.

Must be because she’s near Severus. I don’t know how he does it!

Remus picked the tea pots up roughly and carried them to Tonks by the kettle.

As he refreshed the tea bags he realised the argument had continued behind him.

“At least I am being useful to the Order!” Severus snapped.

“If keeping your dick wet and kissing Voldemort’s arse counts as ‘useful’!”

“Don’t be vulgar-I’m putting my life on the line to…”

“How can I not be? I’ve heard about your reputation! Worked your way through half the wizarding world! Makes me sick!”

“You’re just jealous since you haven’t had any in years- unless you were banging your cousin Bella in lock up?”

“Bet you’re banging her now!”

“Would you two shut up before I throw this water on both of you?!” Tonks yelled, her hair turning flame red and her eyes shining with rage.

Both men sat down unconsciously, their eyes fixed on the very intimidating young woman.

Remus stared at her, suddenly embarrassingly aroused.

She turned and gave him a tired smile and started filling the pots, sending Remus’ thoughts into free fall.

“We’ll have to run patrols in pairs for safety from now on,” Mad Eye Moody announced, “and Snape: keep up the good work.”

Severus nodded to the old man as he made his way out of the kitchen, leaving Tonks, Remus, Severus and Sirius alone.

Sirius poured himself a cup of tea and sipped it silently, glaring at Severus.

“Have you heard anything about Margo, Severus?” Tonks asked kindly, sitting down near him.

He shook his head and started to gather his things together.

“I have to mark some essays before morning.” He said quietly before leaving.

After the door had shut, Tonks giggled with relief.

“He’s so intense these days!” She commented, nudging Remus. “Do you think he’s up to this? Spying for us I mean?”

Remus looked at the pattern of the wooden table, unsure whether or not to state his concerns.

Sirius started to answer for him.

“Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater: that’s what I say! Mad Eye agrees, you know! They’re ready to arrest him after the war anyway. Smug git can say whatever he wants: either he’s killed by Voldemort or have the life drained out of him by a Dementor. Can’t decide which’ll be better!”

“You can’t be serious!” Tonks cried, “He’s a double agent for us! Dumbledore wouldn’t allow them to…”

“We can’t admit we allowed him to continue committing crimes in order to stay under cover. What do we say to the victims and their families?” Remus reasoned.

He looked at the table sadly, tears pricking his eyes.

“We have to choice really, Severus is breaking his parole by going back anyway: he knows what his fate will be if he is caught,” he explained.

By the look on Tonks’ face, she too felt the injustice of it all.

Sirius shrugged and drained his mug.

“Don’t cry for him. He’s only ever been concerned about himself and he’s not going to grow a heart over night!” He dismissed.

 

 

“Have you practiced at all?” Snape spat as Harry tried and failed to resist his intrusion into his thoughts.

Harry sat up, sweat dripping onto the concrete floor.

“If I could just rest!” He begged, “We’ve been at this for hours!”

Snape’s face contorted into an ugly scowl.

“The Dark Lord isn’t resting!” He snapped, pulling Harry violently from the ground and rounding on him angrily.

“You and Black are two of a kind: sentimental children always whining about how miserable your lives have been, well it might have escaped your notice but life isn’t fair! Your blessed father knew that, in fact, he regularly saw to it!”

“Stop saying that stuff about my Dad!” Harry yelled as loud as he could.

He realised he had crossed a line, seeing Snape’s anger double before his eyes, but in that moment, he didn’t care.

“You didn’t even know your father, Potter, how can you defend him?” Snape snapped, stepping away still shaking with rage.

“I know he loved me! What else do I need to know?” Harry answered.

He felt his chest becoming heavy at his confession and he sat down on his chair feeling more alone than ever. He needed to get out of this room and away from Snape.

Snape was looking at him curiously, his eyes softer than Harry had seen for a while.

The effect of Harry’s words did not last long, however, as within a few seconds, Snape’s usual coldness returned to his features.

“Nonsense, Potter, utter nonsense. My Father loves me, I still know what a complete bastard he is. Prepare yourself!”

Before Harry could process what he had just heard, his mind was prodded again.

His wand shot up defensively and cast the Shield charm without thinking.

He was immediately plunged into an unfamiliar house.

He saw a young boy with messy black hair sitting in the corner of his room, listening to adults yelling from downstairs.

The scene changed to the same boy, a few years older, setting fire to a washing line while older boys cheered and celebrated behind him.

The scene changed again and the younger Snape, now around eleven or twelve had longer hair and was being laughed at by a group of girls as he struggled to control a bucking broom stick.

The scene changed back to the house from the first memory and Harry gasped as a seventeen or eighteen year old Snape was thrown against a wall by a man who looked similar to him but much older.

Snape was covering his face but Harry could see his lip was bleeding and there was a patch of blood left on the wall from his head.

The scene changed again and Harry was standing in a bathroom.

Snape, who looked around sixteen, was cradling a woman: middle aged with dark hair, and was sobbing while pushing a rock of some kind into her mouth.

Harry saw the woman, who looked unconscious, was lying next to an open bottle labelled as poison.

“Enough!”

Snape’s voice sounded everywhere all at once and Harry could feel himself being dragged out of the memories.

He around himself confused, only to find he was back in the dungeon.

Snape had fallen against the desk. He was rubbing his temples and eying Harry angrily.

“Shield charm? After I have told you to clear your mind and focus, you resort to the shield charm?” He snapped, propping himself up gingerly.

Harry shook his head, still in shock.

“I didn’t mean to,” Harry stated, shaken to the core. He looked at his Potions Master, struggling to cope with the last memory he had seen.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but that woman- was she ok? Did you save her?”

Snape faltered and rolled his eyes.

“That time, yes.”

“So she…?”

“Stop being nosy, Potter!” Snape said angrily. He swept around the floor towards Harry with a sinister edge.

“You must practise emptying your mind and concentrating, I want improvement with Occlumency, not charms,” he ordered.

Harry shrugged and nodded bitterly.

Snape started towards the door but then stopped with his hand on the door handle.

“Try a song or an intense memory,” he suggested, “something which you completely focus on. If it’s a song, try to hone in on every part: the notes, the instruments used, every detail. If it’s a memory, make it not something which can be used against you, rather something mundane: doing potions homework for example. Focus on every smell, every sound and every action.”

With that, Snape left the room, leaving Harry confused and exhausted.

Severus paced around his office, furious with himself.

He had let his guard slip again: these one to one lessons had to stop.

He could not help enjoying the private time he was having with Harry, but clearly this was affecting his judgement.

He looked out of the window, his thoughts drifting to Petunia.

He still had not had a reply from the Dursleys, not that he entirely expected one.

No news about Margo either…

He looked around and realised he had left the Pensieve with his most treasure memories stored within it in the dungeon.

Cursing his own incompetence he stormed back off to the underground rooms, being careful to avoid as many people as he could.

 

He froze with horror as he reached the room.

Harry had his face plunged into the bowl and must have been watching Severus’ memories. Severus panicked: was he watching Severus making love to his mother?

Was he seeing the night Lily was taken from him and he tried to jump off the Astronomy tower? 

Had he seen Severus rocking him to sleep as a baby or knocking out his uncle?

Severus jumped alongside Harry into the memory, only to witness his fifteen year old self being hung upside down by James Potter’s spell, listening to Lily pleading with them to let him go.

Not this memory! Anything but this!

He bit his lip hard as he heard the word spill out of his mouth: the word which had made Lily finally leave him and started this entire sorry sequence of events.

The word which sealed his family’s fate and changed the wizarding world forever.

**“Mudblood!”**

 

 

He grabbed Harry and pulled him out of the memory, beside himself with rage.

“Sir! I’m sorry-I’m so so sorry- I didn’t think…”

“Get out!” Severus commanded, holding his temper back on a hair string.

“Please, I’m really sorry!” Harry said, backing away in fright.

“GET OUT!”

 

 

_“Lily, please talk to me, I’m so sorry!” Severus leaned against the portrait of the Fat lady with fore head rested against the canvass._

_The Fat lady walked around her frame irritated._

_“She’s not going to talk to you, Master Snape, now would you kindly go back to your dorm!” She snapped._

_Severus pushed himself off the portrait and sat down on the stairs leading up to it._

_“I’ll stay here all night if I have to. I love her, I have to tell her I’m sorry.”_

_The portrait swung open and and an angry Lily Evans stormed towards him, flanked by three of her friends._

_He stood to greet her but her hand caught him across the face._

_Severus stumbled and shook his head in surprise._

_“You mother-fucker!” Lily yelled at the top of her lungs, “Do you have any idea how fucking embarrassing that was for me? My own fucking boyfriend just called me a fucking Mudblood! In front of the whole fucking school! Why the fuck should I speak to you?”_

_Severus reared up and glared at her, his eyes flashing._

_“Are you fucking kidding me? I was being hung upside down by my own spell! By James Fucking Potter no less: the guy who fancies you! I wonder why he wants to drive us apart? Huge fucking mystery there!”_

_“Don’t blame him for your actions, Snape!” Alice, Lily’s friend, spat from behind her._

_“Mind your own business, you nosy twat!” Severus yelled back._

_“That’s enough!” Lily yelled over him, walking down the corridor a little way._

_Severus and her friends followed her, and before they knew it, the Hogwarts ghosts were around them as well._

_“We heard you’re part of a gang of Slytherins now, in the upper years. Is that true?” Lily accused, her arms folded._

_Severus shook his head again, his cheek burning red hot where he had been hit._

_“I have some friends in the upper years- so what?”_

_“We hear they all want to be Death Eaters.” Alice remarked, looking down her nose at him._

_“Go fuck yourself, Alice!” Severus answered._

_“So you’re not denying it then?” Lily asked sternly._

_Severus rolled his eyes and leaned on the wall, his mind racing._

_“There’s talk of that- So what? I’m not involved in that, I’m only mates with them because James and his band of merry-fuck-wits stay away from me if I’m with seventh years.”_

_Lily held herself, tears forming in her eyes._

_Severus reached forward to comfort her, but she stepped away from him._

_“It’s just like before you got arrested for drug dealing, Sev. I just can’t trust anything you say! We’re on really thin ice anyway, maybe actually we’re not right for each other after all.”_

_Tears fell down her perfect face while Severus held himself up on the wall in a blind panic._

_His brain refused to process what he was hearing: how had it got this bad without him noticing?_

_He stared expressionless with shock into the air just passed her._

_“You’re leaving me?” He asked flatly._

_Alice and one of the girls ran over to Lily and held her shoulders comfortingly. The other hung back, placing her hand on him._

_Lily nodded before bursting into hysterical tears._

_“I’m so sorry, Severus! I’ll always love you!” She sobbed as her friends led her away._

_Severus slid down the wall, barely aware of the girl standing over him._

_He didn’t cry._

_He didn’t beg._

_He didn’t scream._

_He just sat, staring at the wall, unable to believe what had happened._

 

 

Severus ran down the hall to his study, his heart beating hard.

Running in his school shoes and robes was more difficult than he’d realised, but he had to warn the Order Sirius had been captured, then he had to get Harry away from the evil sadist, Umbridge.

He was sure even she would not do a student any real damage: nothing his boy couldn’t handle anyway.

He finally reached his rooms before locking his door and pulling out his wand.

He filled his head with memories of Harry as a small boy, of Lily throwing water balloons in summer, of picnics as school kids by the lake, then cast his Patronus.

The Doe flew out of the window, towards London.

Severus tugged his restricting school robes off and pulled on his green running top and comfortable boots before sprinting full speed back to Umbridge’s office.

The scene there to greet him was one of carnage: Draco and his fellow bullies were on the floor, unconscious, the desk had been over turned and there were papers and pieces of chair everywhere.

“Fuck!” He exclaimed before running towards the main door.

If I were a psychotic government official: where would I go?

He heard cries coming from the forest, so he ran towards the noise, pulling his wand out as he did so.

Umbridge came screaming out of the trees, chased by a group of centaurs.

The beasts stopped, as did the woman.

“Snape! Help me! These filthy creatures are attacking me!” She yelled, walking towards him.

Severus pointed his wand at her, stopping her in her tracks.

“Where’s Harry and the other students?” He asked.

Umbridge looked outraged, narrowing her eyes angrily.

“Human,” One of the beasts said, “this woman insulted us!”

Severus nodded to him and indicated to wait, causing Umbridge to squeal in alarm.

“They ran off somewhere!” Umbridge reported.

She straightened up and glared at him.

“Looks like you’ve sealed your fate, Snape. I’m going to make sure your little tramp, Miss Woods, rots in prison! I’m going to get that enemy of the Ministry: Harry Potter, thrown in there with her and I’m going to take great pleasure in watching you die!”

Severus chuckled.

“Oh, Umbridge, none of that is going to happen,” he stated.

Umbridge smiled sadistically and planted her feet more firmly.

“Oh really? Why not?”

“Because I’m not going to let you. Nor are our friends here.” He indicated to the Centaurs who had started circling them.

Umbridge looked slightly unnerved.

“Ok, I’ll drop the charges against you and Margo. That’s the deal. We’ll forget about this whole thing. As for Potter, I know you hate the boy as much as I do, I’ll make sure he takes the blame for all of this…” Umbridge suggested.

“You’re completely wrong, you know,” Severus said, smiling. “I’m not going to let you hurt Harry and I don’t hate him. I was in love with his mother: he’s actually my son. I’ve kept that secret so I can spy on the Dark Lord.”

Umbridge gasped, her hands dropping with her jaw in disbelief.

“It feels so good to say that out loud!” Severus exclaimed, walking a small circle and grinning like a child.

Umbridge watched him, agog.

“Why…why are you telling me this?” She asked, amazed.

Severus stopped and eyed her like a cat would a mouse.

“Because I know you’re not going to tell anybody.”

Umbridge started to scream as he held up his wand but two Centaurs grabbed her and held her still.

“Obliviate.” Severus whispered, watching the blank expression form on the vicious woman’s face.

She hung in the beasts’ grip for a moment before coming to her senses, looking around herself.

“Let go of me, you filthy half breeds!” She demanded, kicking furiously.

Severus walked away, out of her line of sight, leaving her to their mercy.


	25. Decent into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Margo is released from Azkaban, but is she the same girl who went in? 
> 
> Severus rushes to help Dumbledore, only to agree to something which may spell his end.
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics.
> 
> Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content.

 

 

A cold mist descended as Severus made his way along the driveway of the Malfoy’s Manor.

He pulled his cloak closer to his body as he fought the shivers and marched quickly to the front door.

He took a breath and entered the manor.

 

 

Narcissa ran forwards to greet him, her hair and clothes a mess and her eyes red with crying.

“Severus!” She exclaimed, grabbing onto him and kissing his robes, “they arrested him! They took my Lucius!”

Severus wrapped his arms around her thin frame, hushing her and patting her back comfortingly.

Draco appeared at the doorway looking shaken and tired, but vanished before Severus could acknowledge him.

“The Dark Lord! He’s furious!” Narcissa sobbed, “I’m afraid for my family! Without our influence, we are nothing! Everyone will hate us! The Dark Lord…what is he going to do to us…? We’re useless to him now!”

Severus felt his heart aching for them.

The Malfoys were nasty people, no doubt, but without their status and ponce, they were just a small family struggling to survive.

He gently kissed the top of her head, trailing comforting kisses down her forehead and across her cheeks.

Her lips met his briefly before pressing her face back into his robes and sobbing.

“I’ll do whatever I can to help you and your family, Narcissa. I’m here now.”

 

 

The two sat in the garden after Narcissa calmed down, sipping sherry amongst the flowers.

Lucius enjoyed collecting the most exquisite blooms from all over the wizarding world and planting them in the gardens for his guests to enjoy. The view from the bench they were sat on was very pleasant.

Severus had his arm draped over Narcissa protectively, running his fingers in small circles in the satin on her back.

“Thank you for coming over, Severus. Now that the Dark Lord has been exposed, I know you must be very busy.”

“Think nothing of it, Narcissa. The Malfoys have always been good to me, I wished to return a favour.”

Severus sipped his drink and inhaled the scent in the air before brushing hair off Narcissa’s face.

She looked younger without her finery and make up, closer to the young woman he had met in his late teens.

She caught him gazing at her and smiled.

“You haven’t looked at me like that in years, Severus,” She pointed out, picking up her glass and pressing closer to him as she drank.

Severus chuckled and left the comment without a reply.

 

 

The sheets were Egyptian cotton.

Severus had never truly appreciated the differences when it came to bedding, but as he lay Narcissa out on them in her pink silk and lace nightgown, he made a mental note of what a luxurious feel the bed had.

Narcissa pulled him down on top of her, rolling her body up into him as he gently kissed her lips, nudging them open with his tongue and deepening the kiss.

She tasted like fine distilled wine and coffee: rich and deep with a smoky edge from the cigarette they had shared on the balcony.

Her hands pulled his robes off his shoulders as he shrugged out of his shirt, his hands gently pulling up her dress, caressing her warm stomach and sides.

Her bare stomach and his rubbed together as their kissing became more wanton, both groaning at the wonderful feel of flesh on flesh.

She rose her hips helpfully as he pulled off her lace thong and laid to the side of her, slowly stimulating her with his fingers, gasping at the feel of her tight wetness as his digits stretched and explored.

Narcissa’s breath started to become pants as she rose her hips in time with him, breaking from his mouth and moaning deeply into his shoulder.

“Won’t Draco hear us?” He whispered, half amused as she vocalised her pleasure louder.

She shook her head and pulled his fingers out of her centre, undoing his belt and flipping him over onto his back.

“He sleeps in the other wing. We can be as loud as we want,” she answered, pulling his trousers and underwear off to reveal his full glory.

Severus smiled and sighed in appreciation: how the other half live!

He lay on his back where she had placed him, caressing the sheets at the sides of him as she disposed of his remaining clothes and positioned herself between his legs, running her hands over his firm body.

 

The bed had a canopy to it, the frame made of beautifully calved dark wood and the pillows, though he was not using any, looked like they were filled with feathers.

He was about to ask her what they were stuffed with to make them look so plump, but his voice left him as her tongue flattened against the underside of his penis and travelled up- licking the sensitive spot under the head before repeating the process.

Severus rolled himself back in pure indulgence as she pushed him into her mouth all the way to the base, her tight throat flexing perfectly around him as she pushed him in.

She pulled him out half way before sinking her mouth down on him again, Severus groaning and whispering breathy encouragement as she did so.

She wrapped her hand around him and squeezed the base while her head bobbed up and down the top of him, sucking him deliciously until Severus felt a strong tug in the base of his stomach.

“Stop!” He cried, stilling her head and easing her mouth off him.

She looked at him quizzically and grinned.

“You don’t want more?” She teased.

“Not if you want me to ride you all night,” he replied, his voice deep with arousal.

 

 

The light streamed in through the gaps in the curtains and it took a minute to work out where he was.

Severus rolled over to see the back of Narcissa’s head, her hair cascading down her back gracefully and her silk nightwear shining slightly in the sun.

She looked so ladylike, Severus could hardly believe she was the same woman who had requested such debauched treatment the night before.

He rolled over to check the time, counting the discarded condoms on the night stand: five. He hadn’t managed that since his twenties.

Better go before I have to face Draco.

 

He had made it home without much trouble, leaving a note beside Narcissa thanking her for “a delightful evening” and getting out of the house without being seen.

He opened the door to his home on Spinner’s end and virtually collapsed with fatigue on the sofa.

No run needed today, definitely enough cardio.

He glanced at the newspaper: more scare stories about the Dark Lord’s return, before pulling himself towards the stairs to wash the sex smell off himself.

Just as he had made it to half way across the room, there was a loud knock on the door.

It’s going to be one of those days!

He opened it quickly and gasped at the bedraggled looking girl on his doorstep.

“Severus, can I come in please?” Margo asked.

 

 

_“They say you killed Mum,” Severus said._

_His father blinked at his nineteen year old son across the plastic table in the prison visiting room, astonished._

_“That’s what you came to say to me?” Tobias asked._

_Severus folded his arms and sat back in his uncomfortable chair._

_“How’s the weather, Dad?” he asked sarcastically, “Bit warm for June isn’t it?”_

_Tobias leaned forwards angrily._

_“I thought you were going to tell me why you kept it secret that you’d been in here as well!” He spat._

_Severus didn’t react._

_“I also thought,” Tobias continued, “that you’d tell me what those wizard police were doing looking for you before they put me away! What the fuck are you in to, boy?”_

_“You wouldn’t understand, Dad, its wizard stuff,”_

_“It’s crime, Sev, I know that much! You’re balls deep in something dangerous!” Tobias exclaimed. He took a breath to calm down before continuing._

_“Tell me about the time you did in here then. What was that about?”_

_Severus shifted in his chair and sighed._

_“You know that ‘lads trip’ at the end of my seventh year, just after my exams? When I said I was in Belgium?”_

_Tobias looked suddenly crushed, his eyes welling up with tears._

_“I thought you were having a nice holiday, son!”_

_“I was here. Sentenced to a year, served three months…sorry, Dad.”_

_Tobias sighed again and wiped his eyes, looking desperately at his boy._

_“What did you do to get banged up? Not drugs again, Sev?”_

_“Arson, robbery and assault. I didn’t do much, I was just there. Dez owed Steve money so we went to scare him a bit, you know? Anyway, things got out of hand: they started beating the crap out of him so I used magic to set fire to the house to distract them, but they just stole what they could carry and ran. I was arrested at the scene making sure Dez was still alive.”_

_Tobias shook his head and wiped his eyes again._

_“Oh, Sev, why did you do that?”_

_“I know, I should have run!”_

_“I meant why did you go to beat someone up?”_

_Severus shrugged and leaned towards his father._

_“Why’d you kill Mum? I have a feeling we’d give each other the same answer: because I fucking felt like it.”_

 

Margo sat in the kitchen while Severus went upstairs to kick Wormtail awake.

He left the man with the strictest instructions not to come out of the spare room under any circumstances before descending the stairs in just his jogging bottoms.

Margo eyed him as she watched him make tea.

“Have you heard about You-Know-Who coming back? There were a load of Death Eaters being held with me in the last week or so at Azkaban, some kind of break in at the Ministry, apparently.” Margo said, almost conversationally.

Severus detected her need for normality and decided to follow her lead into small talk.

“There was, yes,” he answered, “they were caught though, thank goodness.” He placed the mug in front of her and sat down with his own, lighting a cigarette and offering her the box.

She took it and started smoking thoughtfully.

“Is it ‘thank goodness’ though? If someone inconveniences the ministry, surly it’s a good thing,” Margo argued.

Severus choked and looked at her shocked.

“What?” She snapped, “They fucking lied to us, Sev! They said Harry Potter was a liar, they said he wouldn’t come back, they said Dumbledore was mad, they sent me to that place!”

Margo started crying quietly, desperately trying to hold back her tears.

Severus gave her dignity and turned away until her control returned.

“I met people in Azkaban, you know,” she said quietly, “people who hate the ministry as much as we do!”

“I don’t hate the Ministry! I may not agree with them, but to say ‘hate’ is absurd!” Severus chastised, glaring at her.

Margo made a face like a petulant teenager and sipped her tea, suddenly silenced.

Severus got up to grab the ash tray and sat down again, meeting an odd look in her eyes.

“You have fingernail marks on your back towards the bottom, you know.” She observed flatly.

Severus cursed himself and looked at her apologetically.

“I didn’t realise, I didn’t mean to showcase them in front of you,” he said.

She shrugged, tears welling in her eyes again.

“Can I ask who?”

“Narcissa Malfoy. She asked me to go over there last night, her husband is in prison and she didn’t feel safe just her and Draco in the house.”

“So you fucked another man’s wife while he’s in Azkaban?” Margo snapped.

“He’s hardly in a position to do anything about it, is he?” Severus countered.

Margo rolled her eyes and looked annoyed.

“And when he gets out? What then?”

“He’ll have bigger things to worry about,” Severus said darkly, “believe me.”

 

 

Margo paced in her room, back and forth.

She kept feeling the overwhelming urge to cry, which came and went between feelings of melancholy numbness.

Umbridge had allowed her release, though when Margo confronted her, Umbridge was acting as if she didn’t even know why Margo had been put there at all.

The only two explanations Margo could think for such behaviour were either: Umbridge had somehow had her memory cleared of Margo’s supposed crimes or the woman had not even considered her important enough to remember.

Only a very talented spell caster could wipe memories so precisely, she thought bitterly, why would anyone bother to remember a bar maid?

To top it all, Severus had been his usual man-whore-ish self. Had she really believed he would wait for her? That he loved her?

 

 

She kept thinking about what the Death Eaters had said about He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

They spoke of him with such reverence and devotion and all of them had started as little people ignored by the wizarding world.

“Look at them now. Everyone’s scared of Death Eaters,” Margo mused out loud.

Narcissa Malfoy must know more and Severus clearly doesn’t expect Lucius to be back any time soon.

If I can push aside my jealousy and talk to her, I can take a step towards revenge on the Ministry for what they did to me.

She smiled as she looked out of the window.

“I wonder what Severus Snape would do if I became a Death Eater?” She chuckled to herself, “I’ll bet he’d take me seriously then!”

She lit a cigarette and blew smoke on her only picture of him.

“Not that I’d give him a choice!”

 

 

Severus so was exhausted after using so much magic to slow the curse in Dumbledore’s hand that he almost blacked out.

Blinking, he fought on through another round of mumbled incantations until he was sure he had done all he could.

The old man stirred and looked at him gratefully, turning his blacked hand over for examination.

“You are remarkable, Severus, you have my thanks.” He said quietly.

Severus rolled his eyes and sat down on the floor, his vision blurring.

“I can’t stop it! I’ve given everything I have but all I’ve done is slow it down!”

He looked at Dumbledore desperately, hoping for a solution to come pouring out of the gifted master’s mouth.

Unfortunately, all he got was a sad smile.

“How long have I got, do you think?” He asked.

The younger wizard pulled himself up and tried to calm himself, his thoughts becoming frantic.

“I don’t know. My guess would be a year? Why the hell did you put that ring on anyway? I can feel its evil from here! What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking about someone I loved and lost a very long time ago. Other than that, I clearly was not thinking. I’m sorry, Severus, my mistake will rob you of your only real ally, you must be very angry.”

Severus shot Dumbledore a look but did not trust himself to answer.

Anger was not what he felt.

Loss, grief, sorrow- maybe, but anger? How could he be angry?

The Slytherin sat down on the chair opposite Dumbledore and looked at his shoes, waiting for the old man to speak.

“It is true, is it not, that Draco Malfoy has been initiated into the Dark Lord’s Death Eaters?”

Severus furrowed his brow and nodded.

“It is also correct, is it not, that he has been tasked with killing me?”

Severus fought a shiver and nodded again.

Narcissa had broken rank and had sent him a hysterical owl detailing what was happening at the Manor.

With Margo to keep an eye on, Severus was yet to visit her again.

“He must not be allowed to succeed.” Dumbledore stated.

Severus could not resist laughing.

“Firstly, Headmaster, as if he could! Secondly, I have no intention of letting him- nor anyone else for that matter!”

Severus stopped smiling when he saw the look come over Dumbledore’s face.

The old man’s eyes had become steely, his face set in serious determination.

“The Death Eaters are coming after me, Severus. That much is clear. I do not wish to endure the miserable end which I would suffer through, were I left to Greyback or Lestrange. The torturous death at the hands of any of the Death Eaters, or Lord Voldemort, fills me with dread. I am an old man, Severus, I wish to die with dignity and peace.”

Severus nodded, understanding Dumbledore’s fears.

“When the time comes, Severus, you must kill me.”

Severus nearly fell off his chair with surprise. He looked at the old man before standing up, ignoring his dizziness.

“No! Not a fucking chance! Sorry, sir, but no!”

“Severus, please listen to me. Draco must not be allowed to commit such an evil act. I fear we will lose him to the darkness forever! His soul will be damaged beyond repair!”

“Yeah, so fuck my soul then!”

“Severus, you know I am dying anyway. You would be helping me to die in peace-without pain, it would not be murder.”

Severus leaned on the wall again and desperately kicked his brain into gear.

“The Order!” Severus announced triumphantly.

He looked into Dumbledore’s sad eyes and grinned.

“The Order, Headmaster. They would never allow this plan. You’d be outnumbered. We need you too much to allow you to sacrifice yourself to save Draco, no matter how noble your suggestion is! We can protect you until we work out how to get rid of that curse, then we can destroy the Dark Lord.”

“You can’t get cure the curse, Severus, I know what I’m dealing with and trust me, you have no chance at all!” Dumbledore said, his voice raised.

Severus started to argue but decided against it, his mind clicking again.

“Well, we can ease your passing, Headmaster. Murdering you is never going to get passed the others anyway.”

There was a strange look in the old wizard’s eye which troubled Severus.

The realisation dawned on him like a crashing wave.

“Wait- you have no intention of telling them, do you?” Severus asked, “You want me to kill you and convince everyone I’m working for the Dark Lord…What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Dumbledore’s magic began to rise as papers flew across the desk and the candles flickered.

Severus bowed his head in apology.

“Severus,” Dumbledore said softly, relaxing again, “you will be behind the Dark Lord’s lines. You alone will know all of his movements and plans and he will trust you completely! We need all of the information we can gain, he is still keeping things from you, no matter how hard you try to get close to him. I truly feel this is the only way you can guide Harry to victory over Voldemort. Only you are placed to help him now.”

Severus started running through the implications of this plan.

Dumbledore was actually making sense and was willing to give his life to this cause.

As much as Severus was as well, this wasn’t about his life, it was about who and what he left behind.

He felt his stomach churn at the thought.

“But…The Order will hate me… the whole wizarding world will hate me… you won’t be there to save me this time…I’ll be all alone…you’ll be buried in a great tomb as a hero and tragic victim of war…and I’ll die in disgrace…”

“But Voldemort will be destroyed and your son will be victorious,” Dumbledore told the trembling young man, “What did you tell me you would do to help Harry?”

Severus blinked tears down his face as he stared unfocused into the air.

“Anything.” He whispered.


	26. Half a Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus says goodbye to Sirius. 
> 
> Severus finds himself in an impossible mess. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics
> 
> Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content.

Remus lay with the bottle of Fire Whiskey next to him in Sirius’ room.

His friend’s death had hit him hard, though Tonks seemed to be doing her best to comfort him.

She kept visiting the house and bringing him cooked meals, refusing to leave until he had eaten it all and Remus was very confused and embarrassed by the whole thing.

During a patrol to protect the Prophecy, Tonks had told him she was in love with him- Remus could not get over how desperate he must seem to make her say such a thing!

He felt every inch pathetic as she came into the room, clean clothes in hand.

“Remus, are you awake?” She said sweetly.

Remus did not want her to see him like this, especially since she already pitied him, and rolled over in response.

“Remus, I know he was your friend. We were going to hold a memorial for Sirius on Wednesday if that suits? Severus says he’s busy but the rest of the order want to come…?”

Remus felt torn. It was as if lighting a candle would confirm that Sirius was indeed gone and he did not want to accept that just yet.

He shook his head and tried to sit up.

Tonks ran forwards and helped him, much to Remus’ annoyance.

“Harry will be there…” Tonks added.

Remus felt a little lighter thinking about seeing Harry again. Perhaps he could say goodbye to Sirius with Harry there sharing his pain.

He looked at her and smiled.

“Thank you, I think that would be nice. You don’t have to do all this, you know! I can mope around quite well on my own. You should enjoy the brief peace we have.”

Tonks shook her head and smiled back, laying out clothes for him and carefully taking the whiskey bottle.

“I’ve said before, Remus, I love you! I can’t stand to see you in pain,”

Remus blushed angrily and turned away from her.

“I wish you wouldn’t say that, Tonks…”

 

Narcissa glared at her sister as she sat opposite the fire at Malfoy Manor.

Bellatrix seemed to be rather revelling in her sister’s predicament, unused to seeing the graceful woman so unnerved.

“It’s a great honour that Draco has been initiated! If I had a son, I would be proud!” Bella exclaimed, attempting to ease her sister’s doubts.

“What the Dark Lord is asking is beyond him! He seeks to punish Lucius by attacking my Draco!” Narcissa argued, hitting the arm of her chair angrily.

Bella narrowed her eyes and rounded on her.

“Careful, sister, careful…”

Narcissa looked annoyed for a second before turning away.

“I think the Dark Lord is giving your family a chance to redeem yourselves, a chance for greatness! He truly is a wise and kind master, this is further proof of it,”

“I am inclined to disagree, as is… I don’t agree…”

“As is…?” Bella glared at Narcissa, rage coming off her in waves. “Who? Who else knows? Who have you been discussing this with?”

Narcissa picked up her glass of wine and took a large gulp before quietly answering.

“Severus Snape.”

“What? That slimy-womanising-Dumbledore-lover?” Bella yelled.

Narcissa shook her head and felt deeply embarrassed by Bella’s outburst. Ever since the witch had come out of Azkaban, she was more prone to violent mood swings than ever-not that Bella was ever ‘balanced’ to start with.

‘Fire in her heart’, their father used to say.

Bellatrix sat heavily into the chair opposite and continued her attempt to burn a hole in Narcissa’s head with her eyes.

“Don’t. He knew already, I was only asking his advice. He knows Dumbledore and Draco: the Dark Lord had already told him…”

“A likely story!” Bella spat, “he tricked you into telling him, that’s what he did! He’s so harsh and cold all the time- unless, of course he wants something. Then it’s charm, muscles and sex appeal! Don’t tell me you fell for his ‘Dashing Knight’ act!”

“Of course not!” Narcissa snapped, burning red hot.

Had she?

“He came over because I asked him to, he didn’t charm me into telling him anything. We discussed the situation and he gave me some advice, that’s all!”

Bella seemed to calm a little, though Narcissa was starting to feel more agitated.

She took another glug of her wine.

“Do you know what, Bella? I’ll prove it. Come with me, let’s go and see him!”

“What? Now?”

“Yes, now. We’ll get him to prove that he’s on our side and no one tricked anyone into anything!” Narcissa got up suddenly and whisked passed her sister, now eying her suspiciously.

 

 

_Severus walked into his house and slammed the door behind him._

_He rubbed his arm._

_It was still sore from where the Dark Mark had been burned into him but he was so excited with his new start, he didn’t even care._

_He heard shouting from the kitchen, his parent’s voices as always bleeding through the walls, their misery apparent to even the most casual of observers._

_He ran upstairs and grabbed a bag, throwing some clothes and potions ingredients into the bottom of it._

_“You promised to look after me! You said you had a plan!” His mother shouted._

_Severus rolled his eyes. This argument again. He could probably write the script for it, he had heard it so many times._

_“I didn’t know the factory was going to close, Elaine! I did my best to find a job, you know I did, but the government don’t look after people like us!”_

_“People like you, you mean!” His mother snapped back, “I wasn’t always scum, you know! My family are pure bloods and very well respected!”_

_“Why the fuck did you stay with me then?!”_

_“Yeah, why did you? Stupid cow.” Severus muttered as he looked over his books._

_“You know why!”_

_“Severus?” His father answered._

_Severus stopped his browsing and paid more attention at the mention of his name._

_“I should have taken him away: I would have actually been proud of him if he hadn’t grown up with the low lifes around here!”_

_“I’ve always lived on this estate, Elaine, there’s nothing wrong with it! The boy just got involved with a bad crowd, that’s all!”_

_“YOU should have been a better role model for him! What kind of father do you call yourself, in and out of prison the way you are?”_

_“Fuck you! I couldn’t get a job- and you wouldn’t get off your arse and help me! What else was I supposed to do?”_

_“CRIME? You lost your job and jumped straight to crime?!”_

_Severus had heard enough. He grabbed a few books off the shelf and scanned the room for what could be the last time._

_His eyes fell on the framed picture of himself and Lily at her tenth birthday, her pink dress clashing with her red hair as she held his ten year old self close to her._

_His heart ached for a moment and he tore his gaze away._

_“Fuck you all, mudbloods and blood traiters, the lot of you!” He spat to himself._

_He heard the row move to the living room so he hung around at the top of the stairs, choosing his moment._

_“You tricked me into falling for you!” His mother accused, “I thought you were a dashing muggle rogue, but instead, you’re an unemployable criminal with no money, no prospects and no fucking future!”_

_“Where are you going? Your family aren’t speaking to you, your friends have left you, face it, Elaine, me and Sev are all you have!”_

_“I don’t want you, nor your filthy half-blood son!”_

_Severus’ blood went cold as rage bubbled up in his chest._

_“Well fuck off then, bitch!” His father yelled._

_There was some noise which sounded like struggling and a lamp being knocked over._

_“What’s wrong, Elaine? Nowhere to go?”_

_“Get the fuck off me!” His mother yelled._

_Severus started down the stairs, but hesitated after three steps._

_There were more crashes._

_“So when Severus is doing really well at that freak school, he’s a credit to your family line, but when he gets into trouble, you don’t want to know and he’s a ‘filthy half- blood’: is that how it works? Must be where I’ve been going wrong since I just see him as my son!”_

_“There’s only one person you care about, arsehole, and that’s yourself!”_

_Severus walked down the stairs to find his mother standing over his father with her wand pointed at his chest. His father’s face was cut where he had fallen against the table and his hand was bleeding where he had landed on the lamp._

_Severus regarded their shocked expressions with a passive look._

_“When are you going to stop blaming Dad for your mistakes, Mum? I’m fucking sick of both of you.” He snapped, pushing passed them towards the door._

_“Where are you going, boy?” His father called after him._

_“Gang meeting. Could be a while. Like, forever,”_

_With that, he slammed the door behind him and set himself a fast pace up the road._

 

 

Narcissa gripped her mouth with her left hand, her right grasping at the sheets, twisting and ripping as she fought to stay quiet.

The cool air from the open window did little to cool her sweat-prickled, naked skin, the white hot heat of imminent orgasm spreading into her lower body.

She unconsciously spread her legs wider, grinding her womanhood into the gasping, talented mouth which was delivering such perfect pleasurable torture.

A groan of approval met her ears as the suction on her engorged clitoris increased and the fingers pumped faster into her core.

She jerked involuntarily and let go of her jaw, unable to hold back the screams of delight any more.

She filled the room with expletives, her hands wrapping in the hair on the dark head between her legs, forcing his mouth harder against her.

How many times had they been intimate now?

Why was he suddenly so interested in her?

How could something which felt so good make her feel so guilty?

She banished her doubts as her release quickly approached, a lapping tongue over her genitals starting the cascade of muscle contractions and burning pleasure as her orgasm finally hit hard.

He slowed his devouring lips as she came, gently eking out every last morsel that he could coax out of her.

Narcissa lay on is bed, gasping for breath as he pulled himself back up and lit a cigarette.

“Thank you for vouching for Draco in front of those Aurors,” she said to him, watching him smoke as colours danced in her vision.

Severus raised an eyebrow and flicked ash into a pot by his bed.

He still had on his teaching trousers, but he had discarded his top layers, his dark mark standing out proudly on his left arm.

“After that, you’re thinking about Draco? Wow- and here I thought I was fucked up!”

Narcissa flushed and threw a scatter cushion at him playfully.

“I just haven’t had the chance to thank you, that’s all!” She explained, getting up and pulling on her underwear.

Severus was looking at her with an unreadable expression.

A warm glow had formed in her chest after achieving such satisfaction, so she ignored his staring and hooked her bra.

“Has Draco asked for your help yet?” She asked nervously.

Severus shifted his weight on the bed and drew on the cigarette a few times before answering.

“I can only assume he does not require it, since my offers have been refused.”

“But you have offered?”

“Am I dead?” Severus replied.

Narcissa’s worry eased as she remembered the terms of the unbreakable vow.

He was loyal to her. He wasn’t lying.

She pulled on her green embroidered dress and quickly tidied her hair in the mirror.

“I know I did not have to make you take the vow, Severus. My sister is very good at placing doubts in my head and I am a cautious woman.”

“You’d have to be, married to a Malfoy,” Severus agreed.

He was reclining on his pillows like a large cat, his dark hair pulled from his face, his bare chest shining in the moonlight from the window above.

“Narcissa, it is only the first day of the new term. I promised to keep an eye on Draco and you have seen to it I cannot ignore that promise to you. Give him time to find his feet and I shall watch over him- you do not have to visit to ensure my cooperation.”

Narcissa smiled at his reflection in the mirror.

“Perhaps Draco isn’t the only reason I’m here,” she stated, earning a chuckle from her lover on the bed.

He disposed of his cigarette and crossed the room, returning into sight with a long sleeved fitted top in black, which he pulled on.

Narcissa took his activity as her cue to leave and made her way to the door, pausing to kiss his cheek, then walking briskly down the corridor towards the entrance to the castle.

Severus sighed and shut the door.

He leaned with his back against it with his eyes shut, attempting to clear his mind and calm his pulse.

A loud knock interrupted his ritual.

A student? No, not this late, not his bedroom.

He opened the door slowly, only to find Margo- a vision in blue- standing on the doorstep.

 

 

Margo’s green eyes darted around Severus’ bedroom as he fetched the glasses and wine bottle from his library next door.

She had already noted-and chosen to ignore- the smell of sex and the unmade bed, though her heart was pounding in her chest.

Severus returned and poured her a drink, sitting in the armchair opposite with his own.

“And to what do I this pleasure?” he asked passively.

She smiled a forced smile and drank deeply.

“I heard Mrs Malfoy was in the castle. It was her I wanted to talk to, actually.”

Severus looked at her suspiciously, his eyes flashing.

“Really?” He said quietly, “and why is that?”

“It’s not what you think!” She snapped angrily, drinking the rest of her wine and slamming the glass on the table a little harder than she had meant to.

Severus stayed silent, watching her.

It was unnerving.

“What? Have you seen her or not?” She asked.

Severus uncrossed his legs and placed his glass down, before leaning forwards towards her.

“Why would you suddenly wish to speak to Narcissa? You know I slept with her and you do have a history of lashing out at women I have slept with- so tell me: am I wrong for doubting your intentions?”

Margo’s resolve shattered completely.

It was so wrong, the way he was treating her, playing with her feelings and flaunting his affairs openly.

She had thought of him in Azkaban every day, taking comfort in the way he had fought for her against Umbridge, called out for her- trying to save her.

Now he was just fucking the next body which seemed willing- and a member of the shamed Malfoy family at that.

Her anger came out in floods of tears and shaking as she gathered her travelling cloak and started for the door.

She made it to the corridor before he grabbed her and threw her against the hard stone wall outside his rooms.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” He demanded, “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m done with this!” Margo cried, pushing him off her.

“Fuck knows I’ve heard that before, Margo. Tell me why you want to speak to Narcissa. If it’s nothing to do with me, then I’ll back off, but I need to fucking know!”

“Why?” She snapped, wiping her face with her sleeves, “Why don’t you tell me why you’re fucking the wife of a known Death Eater, then I’ll tell you what I want to talk to her about!”

“That’s none of your fucking business!” Severus roared, scaring her for the first time in years.

Margo backed away while Severus ran his fingers through his hair, breathing hard.

His black eyes fixed on hers, a sad look to them.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Severus said, his stance softening, “I have a lot on my mind and I really don’t need any more stress right now. Please, would you leave me out of

whatever you want Narcissa for?”

Margo felt her heart melt for him for a moment before adrenaline kicked in and she remembered her anger.

“I’ll talk about whatever I want with whoever I want, Severus!” She snapped, stepping closer to him.

His face dipped down slightly as he went to kiss her, but the scent of another woman’s perfume on him made her jerk back.

Severus sighed and looked down at her, his black eyes shining.

“I’m sorry, Margo.”

“That’s supposed to make things all better, is it? You let me go to Azkaban, abandon me when I get out, then carry on with a married woman right under my nose…sorry? Not even close to what I want to hear! Do you care about anyone else at all? Do you care about me? Are you even capable of that? Answer me once and for all: do you love me, Severus Snape?”

Severus stepped back, leaning against the doorframe, his eyes on the floor.

Margo waited, tears brimming in her eyes again.

“No.”

His answer was barely above a whisper but his word cut her all the same.

“Right. Well that’s that then,” she said, trembling. Her shaking hands did up the front of her cloak as she fought to compose herself.

She had thought she had experienced heartbreak before, but the grief hitting her was worse than anything she had ever known.

Her eyes fell on his forlorn self, one last time.

“Goodbye, my love.” She whispered before turning on her heal and walking away as fast as she could.

 

 

A few feet away, hidden under the Invisibility Cloak, Harry gasped as he watched his cold, calculating Potions master slide down the wall, weeping bitter tears, whispering Margo’s name.


	27. Ice-Cold Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Dark deed is done by Dumbledore's spy. 
> 
> James Potter has a run in with Severus 
> 
> Dumbledore is forced to confront his request head-on. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics

Greyson Dale opened his eyes as he heard the door to the dungeon swinging on its hinges.

His manacles clicked against the stone cold floor as he adjusted himself to a seated position, his aching body screaming for rest.

Greyson was uncertain how long he had been down in this damp cellar, or even where he was for sure.

The Death Eaters had come into his little shop and stunned him, questioned and tortured him for hours, then left him to rot.

The pain he had endured had made him unsure of what they had even asked him about.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness again, he could make out a crouching figure in the corner of the room, watching him.

The figure was that of a young man- Greyson deduced to be in his mid- thirties perhaps. He was only wearing trousers and a sleeveless white top, showing corded muscles on his arms and an athletic build.

The young man’s hair fell in black curtains, framing his masculine face. His long nose went with his long fingers which were curled tightly around a silver knife.

The sight of the weapon made Greyson feel sick and dizzy.

He wanted to weep.

The young man stood and walked closer to him, his black eyes shining in the darkness.

“Who are you? What do you want?” Greyson asked fearfully, shielding his face from the man.

His blood went cold as he heard the young man chuckle.

“I don’t want anything, Mr Dale. You have answered everything we have asked you, we have no further use for you now.”

The answer was so cold and distant it made Greyson shake violently.

He forced his head up and looked up at the young man.

“Are you letting me go then?” Greyson asked tentatively.

He knew the answer already, though his mind was reeling, unable to comprehend the terror he was feeling.

His legs were numb under him, his breath coming in pants.

The young man smiled a dark smile and cocked his head to one side, studying Greyson carefully.

Greyson shivered under the gaze: the young man was clearly enjoying his fear.

“P-please, my son…” Greyson stuttered, “I have a teenage boy…is he ok?”

The young man didn’t answer, continuing his observations in silence.

“Please, let me go home to my family…do-do you have children?”

To his surprise, the young man nodded slightly before crouching down at eye level with Greyson.

Greyson shrank away as much as he could, but met the man’s black eyes, a common ground found.

“Sons? Daughters?” He asked shakily.

“A boy.” The man answered, his voice still completely steady.

Greyson nodded enthusiastically, smiling, attempting to connect with his tormentor on a human level.

“So you know that I won’t say anything if it means keeping my son safe! You’re a father too, you know you can trust me! Let me get back to my family, you understand- they need me!”

The young man’s stare seemed to soften slightly and Greyson was hopeful until he heard the dungeon gate swing open again.

“Severus, the meeting’s starting,” A man called.

The young man in front of Greyson turned in the direction of the door.

“Thanks, Avery, I’ll be right there,” he called over his shoulder.

He turned back to Greyson, an apologetic look on his face.

“Sorry, Mr Dale, I’m going to have to cut this short, I hope you don’t mind?”

Greyson stared at him, confused and panicked.

He saw the young man lunge toward him and felt a hard punch hit him between his ribs, taking his breath away.

He looked down as the man drew back, gasping at the sight of the man covered in crimson blood.

His eyes wondered down to the point below his sternum where he had been hit, to find- to his surprise- the hilt of the man’s knife sticking out there, soaking his shirt and spirting into the man’s face.

Greyson drew a very rattled breath, suddenly very weak.

He felt the man’s arms wrap around him and the man breathe on the side of his neck.

“Straight through your heart, very quick, very little pain.” The man explained into his ear.

The feeling of another body against him was comforting and Greyson felt himself slipping into sleep.

He took another small breath, allowing his head to drop onto the young man’s shoulder and let his eyes close.

“Thank you.” He whispered, before taking his last, peaceful breath, and passing away.

 

 

Harry watched Professor Slughorn going around the table, chatting to each student in turn.

He had invited Ginny and Hermione but Ron had been left out, much to Harry’s annoyance.

Dumbledore had told Harry to get close to Slughorn, so Harry had ignored his loyalty and had gone to the dinner anyway.

Slughorn turned to him, smiling wide.

“Harry, of course: I hadn’t forgotten our guest of honour! Quite a quidditch player, just like your father, they say!”

Harry beamed proudly and started tucking in to the chocolate cake which had been brought for pudding.

“Very good at potions too, isn’t he, Miss Granger?” Slughorn nudged Hermione and giggled while Harry pretended to ignore the scathing look she was giving him.

Slughorn raised his glass to Harry, smiling from ear to ear.

“To ‘the boy who lived’!” He toasted.

The others around the table raised their glasses as well, mumbling his words and drinking.

 

 

After the party, Harry hung back, hoping to solidify his progress with Professor Slughorn.

The portly, jolly old man walked into the dining room carrying a bottle. He stopped and laughed openly when he saw Harry.

“My boy, what are you doing, hanging about? Surely you have lots of people who you’d rather see?”

Harry smiled and shook his head.

Slughorn looked over to his shelf, the beaming faces of past Slugclub members gazing back at him.

Harry saw him carefully wipe a tear from his eye before pouring them both a drink.

His expression was cheeky as he handed Harry the glass, but his eyes betrayed a sadness Harry had seen many times in older wizards.

“So many talented men and women have been part of my little parties, Harry. So many have been taken from the world too soon…” He turned his eyes to Harry’s, a frown creeping onto his face. “Your mother was one of my favourites, you know. Such a wonderful, kind, impressive girl- such a tragedy!”

Harry felt his heart tug and he turned respectfully away while the Professor wiped his eyes again.

“Thank you, sir.”

The two looked into the fire for a long moment, sipping their drinks.

Slughorn was the first to move, picking up a picture and handing it to Harry.

Lily smiled up at him from the frame.

She looked around seventeen, as her ‘Head Girl’ badge confirmed.

She was sitting on the wall outside in the courtyard- much as Harry himself had done many times. Her long red hair glinted in the summer sunshine, her uniform looking neat and tidy.

Harry felt himself smiling back at her, their matching eyes meeting on the page.

“She made everyone feel like that, Harry: warm and happy. Such a good heart, such a loss to mankind.”

Harry handed back the picture, warmth spreading in him.

“Did you know my Dad very well, sir?” Harry asked.

Slughorn chuckled to himself and looked into the fire absentmindedly.

“James? No, not really. I was ‘Team Severus’, I’m afraid!”

Harry looked at him for a moment, confused.

“What? You mean in the fights between my Dad and Snape?” Harry asked.

Slughorn looked down at Harry, his brows knitting together.

“Yes, of course.” he said quickly.

 

 

“He’s hiding something, that’s for sure.”

“Do you think that’s why Professor Dumbledore told you to get close to him, Harry?”

The Great hall was alive and full of cheer as they had arrived for breakfast that morning. Ron was sullen after his friends had abandoned him to schmooze Slughorn and hadn’t spoken much.

Harry nodded to Hermione’s question and reflected on the first few evenings of term.

“That’s not all, I haven’t told you about Malfoy yet!” Harry replied, hushing his voice as a gang of giggling girls walked passed them.

The two others leaned towards him as he continued.

“Snape’s sleeping with Malfoy’s Mum!” Harry announced, startling Hermione.

“You’re kidding!” She cried.

“Gross!” Ron protested, covering his ears.

“That’s not all. He broke up with that Margo woman from the Three Broomsticks. She asked him if he loved her and he said ‘no’. Cruel bastard!”

Harry reflected on his own brief relationships in the past and could not imagine upsetting anyone in such a way.

Hermione did not look so convinced.

“Do you remember his reaction when Umbridge arrested her though? He was really upset! Why Narcissa Malfoy too? You don’t think Dumbledore put him up to that, do you?”

“Oh yeah,” Ron said, rolling his eyes, “I’m sure Dumbledore gets the Order to shag Death Eaters all the time!”

“I meant to get close to the Malfoys to get information on what Draco’s up to!” Hermione clarified in an angry tone.

Harry shook his head.

“Whatever he’s up to, it’s not good. We’ll have to keep an eye on Snape as well.”

 

_Severus and the other Slytherin seventh years entered the courtyard, hoods up, wands out._

_The other students eyed them warily, the gang’s violence well known throughout the school._

_Severus had filled out physically, though he would never be bulky. His lean muscles and strong jaw gave him an intimidating air of authority._

_With Severus, violence and chaos followed. No one had the courage to stand up to him, or his friends._

_“Oi, Potter!” Severus yelled, bringing the group to a stop just in front of the centaur fountain in the centre._

_James looked up and took his arm from around Lily, his friends standing up to defend him._

_James walked over with his group, stopping in front of the Slytherins, Lily looking on nervously from behind._

_“Well, well, well. Been a while, Snivellus!” James mocked, drawing giggles from Sirius beside him, “well done on your NEWTs: top of the class as per! I suppose since no girl will suck your greasy dick, you’ve got lots of time…”_

_“Well done on your Quidditch trophy, Potter. I suppose if you can’t read or write, you’d better be good at something…” Severus replied, his group responding cruelly._

_James was unfazed._

_He adjusted his stance to appear cocky and winked at Remus._

_“Quidditch isn’t all I’m good at, Snivelly- if you get my meaning!” He countered, making a crude gesture in the air and turning to glance at Lily._

_Severus ignored the instant flash of rage at the insinuation and raised an eyebrow instead._

_He made eye contact with Lily, indicated James with a nod and mouthed “Really?”_

_Lily crossed her arms and looked away, bright red and eyes flashing._

_Severus turned his attention back to the sniggering Marauders._

_“My mates and I were just going to wish you good luck in the last Quidditch match of the year,” Severus explained, “Since it’s against our team, we wondered where you’d like your headstone? We’ve done a whip round and we recon we could spring for a spot by the lake…”_

_The Slytherins laughed openly while Severus waited for a response._

_Sirius stepped forward, only to be stopped by Remus._

_Severus grinned at Sirius threateningly._

_“How about in my back garden?” James suggested, “Under our apple tree? Lily and I just bought a cottage together so it would be a shame to waste the space….”_

_James trailed off in order to take in the look of utter devastation his enemy could not keep from his face._

_Severus’ arrogance faded as his heart shattered and all that was left in him was pure, fiery, uncontrollable rage._

_“What’s wrong, Snivelly? A cottage in Godric’s Hollow is a bit out of your price range, let’s be honest-you couldn’t have done that for her if she was still with you anyway,” James continued, unaware of the danger he was now in, “just be happy she’s being provided for! Maybe you loved her, but the reality is: love doesn’t buy security. Money does.”_

_Severus let out a roar and pounced on James, knocking him over backwards and straddling his chest._

_He punched James in the head again and again, as hard as his fist would allow._

_“Severus!” Professor Slughorn screamed from across the courtyard, “Severus, please stop! Please!”_

_Sirius and Remus grabbed Severus under his arms and hauled him off and into the fountain, the cold water sending him into shock as he sank under the water._

_“Severus!” Slughorn was yelling, his voice altered by the water._

_Severus could not move and his lungs had started burning through lack of oxygen._

_Strong arms pulled him out and he gasped air, coughing and shivering in the cold._

_“I’ll get you one day, Potter. I swear, I’ll get you!” He spat to the bloodied, unconscious boy at his feet._

 

 

Severus sat on the floor of his office, forms from a solicitor spread out all over the floor.

He was trying to read the booklet entitled “Making a Will: What you need to know”, but it was going into his eyes and not fixing in his mind.

After several attempts, he angrily threw the document down and rested his face in his hands.

He had to work out how to provide for Harry.

His house was worth very little but it was the only major asset which Harry could have use for, something from the family he never knew about… even though James had left him so much wealth Harry would probably not even want it.

Severus sighed and stood up, stretching his legs and back which were stiff from sitting down for so long.

Mostly, he decided, he was in denial about everything which was about to happen.

His chance of seeing forty was long gone and when Dumbledore was dead, he had maybe a year more or less.

The thought of killing Dumbledore was still too much to think about, yet he had committed to it now so there was little option.

Greyson Dale had been hard enough, and Severus did not even know the man.

Could he really kill Dumbledore?

Could he really throw himself into the fire, hated by everyone?

What were his options?

He sat at his desk, a large whiskey in a glass beside him.

Killing Dumbledore would mean he would be seen as a traitor by the ministry and The Order.

If they captured him, he would be killed, no doubt.

If they did not catch him, he would continue to help Harry until Voldemort and the Death Eaters found out and he would be killed, no doubt.

If he did not kill Dumbledore, the old man would die in agony, the Death Eaters may find out his true loyalties anyway or the Order would kill him without Dumbledore to vouch for him.

“I am so fucking fucked!” He exclaimed, slamming his head down onto the desk in despair.

“Why the Death Eaters?” He asked the wood of the desk an inch from his nose, “Why couldn’t I have run away and joined the circus or something?”

There was a loud knock on the door, jerking him out of his self- pity.

 

“Severus?”

Dumbledore entered the room without invitation and stood in front of the piles of papers on the floor. He looked at Severus questioningly.

“New filing system,” Severus said sarcastically, looking up, “needs work…”

Dumbledore nodded and smiled a kind smile, watching as Severus poured him a glass of whiskey.

“Getting affairs in order I see, Severus. I have been grappling with the paperwork myself!”

“Well, you’re not in your thirties, are you, Headmaster?” Severus snapped, bitterly, “It’s something you’d probably have done anyway…”

Dumbledore turned his blue eyes on Severus and put his drink down gently.

“Let’s walk, Severus,” he said.

 

The walk took them down to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. They hardly said a word on the way, both waiting for the other to speak first.

Finally, Dumbledore did.

“Severus, I appreciate this is difficult for you. I want you to understand I do not ask this of you lightly.”

“What about the things I have to do for the cause already? Do you appreciate what you’ve signed off on? Do you realise what I have to do on a daily basis? You have blood on your hands too, Headmaster, don’t doubt it! You are leaving me with all of the responsibility!”

Severus was agitated, though the walk was helping.

He leaned against a tree and started smoking, blowing the smoke into the moonlit air.

“I understand that, Severus. I am very grateful for all you do and would not ask any more unless I had to…”

Severus rolled his eyes and was unconvinced.

“Greyson Dale. I teach his son, Vincent. I stabbed him through the heart last week, couldn’t talk my way out of it. I have to look that child in the face every Wednesday! Are you ‘grateful’ for that?”

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled but he remained silent.

Severus pushed on.

“Narcissa Malfoy. Husband is in Azkaban, son has been recruited by the Dark Lord. She’s lonely, frightened and vulnerable. I’m sleeping with her to gain information about the plot to kill you. How did you think I knew about that? That’s a woman I’m taking advantage of and a marriage changed forever, for the cause, and I am literally whoring myself for you. ‘Grateful’ for that?”

Dumbledore sill did not react. He seemed intent on allowing Severus to vent out his frustration, which suited the younger wizard no end.

“The love of my life died fighting him! My son nearly died fighting him! I WILL die fighting him! Has it ever occurred to you that you ask too much, that you take too much for granted? Has it entered into your brilliant mind that I don’t want to do this anymore?”

“You agreed, Severus, I will hear no more on that.” Dumbledore answered firmly.

“What about Harry? What are you doing at these secret meetings with him?” Severus demanded, his temper flaring.

“That is between myself and Harry, Severus, as I have already told you. I will hear no more on that either.”

Severus lost his cool with a roar and rounded on Dumbledore, who did not move.

“He’s my SON, Dumbledore! I demand to know what you’re doing with my…”

Both men turned towards the sudden crack of branches behind them and an embarrassed looking Hagrid came into view.

“Sorry, Professors!” He said, his face flushed, “Jus’ passin’ through…”


	28. Secrets and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds out what it will take to destroy Voldemort.
> 
> Margo meets with Narcissa.
> 
> Severus continues his downward spiral. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics
> 
> Warnings: Violence and hints at PTSD

Severus ran up and rounded on the Game Keeper.

“What did you hear? How long have you been there?” He demanded frantically.

Hagrid coughed and shuffled on the spot.

“Well…Somethin’ abou’ you being ‘Arry’s dad, actually…I won’t say nothin’ though, you know I’m not one fer gossip!”

Severus tore his hands away and looked at Dumbledore wildly.

“Is tha’ true though, Professor Dumbeldore? Professor Snape is really ‘Arry’s Dad?”

Severus fought to remain in control of himself.

He fixed his eyes on Dumbledore while walking a menacing circle around Hagrid, his wand drawn and a familiar detached numbness taking over his mind.

“Yes, he is. I trust you never to repeat this information to anyone, it is essential this truth remains hidden.”

Hagrid nodded and cast his eyes over Severus, who had fixed a scowl on his face and had crossed his arms.

Hagrid nodded again.

  
“Come ter think on it,” Hagrid said thoughtfully, “’e does look like you, Professor…But…how could you be his dad?”

Severus stopped in front of the giant, grabbing the front of his robes and pulling him close. Hagrid did not resist, his eyes fearful.

“You listen to me, Hagrid. If you tell a soul what you heard here tonight I swear to you, they will never find your body, is that clear?”

Hagrid locked eyes with the cold black ones of the Slytherin and nodded quickly.

“I’m going to bed,” Severus declared, whipping his cloak around dramatically and walking towards the castle and away from the conversation.

Dumbledore watched him go, his eyes twinkling in the darkness, his mind set on the difficult conversation he was about to have with Hagrid.

 

Harry sat down on the chair in Dumbledore’s office, sweat pouring down his face.

“Seven Horcruxes? Seven? We have to destroy them all or we can’t kill him?” Harry panted, the task ahead overwhelming.

Dumbledore seemed more tired than ever. He sat down on a chair nearby, watching an ill looking Fawkes gasp for breath on his perch.

“Indeed. Well done for acquiring the memory, Harry. I’m sure Professor Slughorn did not give it to you easily.”

Harry shook his head and reflected on his evening with Hagrid and Slughorn, singing songs and talking about his mother.

Both men had been odd: Slughorn kept stopping in the middle of stories about his mother’s early years at Hogwarts, as if there were some detail he was keeping from Harry.

Hagrid had started acting very strangely indeed, guilty looking and jumpy.

Harry did not like the secrets, and had hoped before he had arrived at Dumbledore’s office that the old wizard would give him some answers.

“Is there anything about my mum that I need to know? Some secret or something?” Harry asked, glancing to note Dumbledore’s reaction. “It’s just, everyone talks about my dad a lot, but I don’t know much about her...?”

The Pensieve on the desk reacted, bringing up a ghostly image of his mother, aged around sixteen, flicking her hair off her shoulder and smiling.

Dumbledore chuckled and walked over to it, ushering Harry with him.

“Lily Potter was a fine witch, a promising student and a kind person, Harry. You should be very proud to call yourself her son,” The old man said lovingly. “She was admired by all who knew her and adored by many…”

The ghostly image changed to that of James, playing with his tie, aged around sixteen as well.

Harry’s heart leaped at the sight of him.

“James was a rascal in many ways, but a talented young man with a lot to prove and a passion for mischief,” Dumbledore continued, “He loved your mother very much…”

Harry saw tears collecting in Dumbledore’s eyes as the figure hovering over the pensieve became more and more faded.

Harry gazed up at him, wishing he could comfort the man he had grown so close to, yet knew so little about.

“So, there really isn’t anything I need to know about her?” Harry asked, reassured.

Dumbledore shook his head and smiled, turning from the pensieve.

Another ghostly figure formed in the smoke above the pensieve. This time, the figure was of the adult Severus Snape.

Harry took a moment to recognise him: his ex- Potions Master was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with his hair pulled off his face, a determined look fixed there. Without his robes, he looked a lot less severe and off-putting, despite his long nose and aloof demeanour.

“Ah, I was going to ask you how your lessons with Professor Snape are going.” Dumbledore explained, waving his wand to dispel the image.

Harry blinked in surprise before grinding his teeth at the memories of the last few Defence Against Dark Arts lessons.

“He’s as unfair to our house as he was before, to start with, Professor. He never teaches properly, he just expects you to know how to do things!”

“And do you practice?” Dumbledore asked, his eyes twinkling.

Harry blushed and looked away in an attempt to hide his answer.

“Professor Snape has very high standards, Harry, it would do you good to listen and learn from him, despite the feelings between you.”

Harry rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation.

“How do you even know you can trust him, Professor?” Harry asked, “Please tell me, I need to know!”

Dumbledore locked eyes with him and answered very firmly.

“I trust Severus Snape. That is all you need to know, Harry.”

Harry felt shut out all over again.

It was HIS life on the line, HE had to kill Voldemort and he was tired of being kept in the dark.

“I want to know, Professor!” He protested, “Snape HATES me, why should I listen to him? How do you know he wants me to do well? He stopped teaching me Occlumency, not that he was teaching me anything anyway and in Defence against Dark Arts, he singles me out and picks on me constantly!”

“PROFESSOR Snape cares for you and wishes only for your success, Harry…”

“I don’t believe that for a minute, Professor.”

“There’s that temper and stubbornness,” Dumbledore sighed, a strange glint in his eye, “You really are your father’s son.”

 

It was like walking in to a crime scene of his own making.

Blood was all over the bathroom floor, gasping from one end of the room and pleas for help from the other.

Severus ran in, seeing Draco Malfoy covered in deep slash-marks and rushing to his side.

He recognised the spell instantly, but it couldn’t be.

He flicked his eyes up to the panicked boy who was sitting in the corner, sobbing apologies into the air.

My own son. This is why I’ve been staying away from you: you weren’t supposed to be capable of this!

“What did you do, Potter?” He snapped as heartlessly as he could muster.

Harry looked up, traumatised and shaking.

“A spell I found. I didn’t know what it did! I’m so sorry…”

“What spell? Where?”

It just couldn’t be!

Harry shook his head and stayed quiet.

Suddenly, a flash of inspiration hit and Severus groaned.

He had lent his potions book to Lily before they had broken up and he’d never worked up the courage to ask for it back. Perhaps she gave it back to the Potions Master, Slughorn, at the end of school?

“Get me all of your school books. At once.”

Harry stumbled as he stood up and ran out of the room.

Severus whispered a counter curse to his own created spell, Sectumsempra.

It worked and Draco opened his eyes blinking in confusion.

“Where’s Potter?” Draco snapped, sitting up.

“I’m dealing with him. Can you get to the hospital wing?”

Draco nodded and accepted assistance to stand, finding his strength by the doorway.

A pang of guilt shot through Severus as he was reminded for a moment of Narcissa.

He watched the young man walk away and shook his head, relieved it had been himself to reach the bloodbath first.

Harry came in carrying his books.

Severus searched the bag until he came across Harry’s potions book. It was wrong: the book was new looking and wasn’t annotated.

“Is this your copy of Advanced Potion Making, Potter?” He demanded.

Harry nodded quickly, avoiding his eyes.

Severus gave up and handed the bag back, piling on punishments and detentions until he’d run out of ideas before dismissing him harshly.

Harry made no argument and silently walked away.

Severus slid down the wall when Harry was out of sight, wandering if genetics were stronger than he’d thought.

 

 

_“What are you waiting for?” Igor asked the trembling youth, looking down at the broken old man on the floor. “We’ve got all we can out of him, kill him!”_

_Severus looked at Igor, wide eyed and clearly disturbed._

_“I-I don’t think he’ll talk, Igor. We should leave him…or erase his memory…” He protested._

_“Severus, we can’t risk that being undone and our identities revealed. The Dark Lord will be very angry if we leave witnesses and he wanted YOU to kill him,” Igor grabbed the front of his younger counterpart’s robes and pulled him close, whispering viciously._

_“You listen to me, you little bastard. I’m not suffering torture because you’re too much of a pussy to kill one old man! Prove your worth, boy, or I will ensure you suffer for your weakness!”_

_The word ‘weakness’ hit Severus between the eyes and blinded him with rage._

_He forced Igor’s hands off his robes and stared down at the whimpering victim with a strange numbness taking over his senses._

_With his anger still setting fire to his heart, he whispered the death curse and watched the light go out of the man’s eyes._

_Severus felt nothing as he stared down at the man’s body, Igor whooping triumphantly beside him._

_“Well done, Severus! I knew you had it in you!” He cried, pulling the nineteen year old into a tight embrace._

_Later that night, after repeated nightmares of old men with blank eyes, Severus rolled over in bed and threw up all over the floor, bile rising continuously for many hours._

_By the time the nausea had stopped, Severus felt dead himself, sitting naked by a mirror, covered in his own vomit and sweat, shaking uncontrollably._

 

 

The fire spat in the grate in Hagrid’s cottage while Harry, Ron and Hermione sipped their hot chocolates.

Harry pressed on with his questioning of the defensive man.

“You said you overheard Dumbledore arguing with Snape, Hagrid. What was the argument about? Did they say anything about Draco Malfoy?”

Hagrid looked at the floor and sighed uneasily.

“I don’ know what ter tell you, really… Nothin’ about Draco… Professor Snape said he didn’t want to do somethin’ anymore and Professor Dumbledore told ‘im ‘e’d agreed already and couldn’ back ou’ now…”

“Agreed to what?” Harry asked, shooting a look to Ron and Hermione.

“I don’ know, ‘Arry, tha’s all I can tell say…”

Harry sat sullenly while Ron and Hermione watched him, nervous of his mood.

He looked tired and had been increasingly withdrawn and quick to anger, more so since the talk with Dumbledore about the horcruxes and Voldemort.

“Snape’s helping Draco. I know he is! He’s been working for Voldemort this whole time, just as I have always said! We have to find proof to bring to Dumbledore…”

“He isn’, ‘Arry, you should trust Professor Snape! Dumbledore does!” Hagrid argued.

“Snape’s tricking him into trusting him! He’s an excellent Occumens, isn’t he? He’s a Dark Wizard, I’ll prove it!”

“You’ll do no such thing!” Hagrid bellowed, taking everyone by surprise.

Fang cocked his head to one side and made a noise of concern as Hagrid took a deep breath.

“It’s been nice seein’ you all,” Hagrid said to the floor, “Bu’ I think you’d better be off.”

 

 

The air seemed to fill with foreboding as Margo made her way to the pub Narcissa had agreed to meet her.

The days were getting shorter and though it was only five in the evening, the sky was growing very dark indeed.

Margo turned the corner in the unfamiliar streets and hurried into the looming building. The noise of laughter and warm air hit her as she scanned the room, her eyes falling on the noble woman in the corner.

She walked over and greeted her.

Narcissa smirked and did not take Margo’s extended hand, gesturing to the seat in front of her instead.

Margo sat down uncomfortably.

“Ms Woods,” Narcissa greeted in a bored tone, “I take it there is a reason you have dragged me to this filthy muggle establishment with no explanation other than a ‘shared cause’, as you put it?”

Margo leaned forwards, her elbows on the table and hey eyes fixed on the woman across from her.

“I was locked in Azkaban on a trumped up charge and held there for months: no trial, no nothing. I was then released and thrown back into the world with no assistance or apology even! I left my job, I never sleep, I barely eat…”

“As fascinating as this is, Ms Woods, is there some kind of bottom line?” Narcissa asked icily, sipping her gin and tonic.

Margo swallowed hard in the face of such a lack of empathy.

She took a breath and calmed herself before continuing.

“I wish to make the Ministry pay for what they have done to me, as well as so many others. I spoke to some followers of a certain Dark Wizard during my time in prison and believe I am suited to assist in the cause…”

Narcissa burst out laughing, throwing her head back and making people around her stare.

“You?” She mocked, “Have you gone mad?”

“I want to become a Death Eater!” Margo snapped in a hushed voice, “I want to make them pay! I want revenge! I know you can put me in touch with the right people, please!”  
Narcissa went quiet. She seemed to be analysing Margo’s appearance in tiny detail in a way which left the younger witch feeling very exposed and vulnerable.

A darker edge was showing about Mrs Marlfoy in her stare: Margo felt goose bumps rising on her skin.

“So strong and determined, yet so weak all at the same time. How do you function?” Narcissa asked, nastily.

Margo felt insulted but held her tongue.

“You’re only here because of HIM, aren’t you?” Narcissa continued, “Severus Snape.”

“This has nothing to do with him!” Margo snapped, wishing she had ordered a drink so she had something to throw.

“Oh, but it is. You sat there in your cell, pining for him, hoping he was thinking of you too, then when you got out, where was he? In bed with another woman.” Narcissa’s eyes flashed triumphantly as she watched the look of unadulterated rage cross Margo’s face.

“Me and Severus go way back you know, Ms Woods, I wouldn’t feel bad. Tell me, Margo: How well do you think you know him?”

Margo’s mind raced as she thought back to all of the time she had spent with Severus. His laugh, his flashing eyes, every inch of his body, all clear in her mind.

Pain and heartbreak leaked into her chest and spread through the memories like poison.

“He’s a naughty boy, you know, Ms Woods, you really have no idea…” Narcissa said quietly. She leaned forwards and smiled. “You’re better off without him. I’d suggest you write to the complaints department at the Ministry or set fire to your ex’s possessions still at your house-something more suited to a girl like you. I can’t believe I’ve wasted my time like this.”

Narcissa got up to leave, only to be grabbed by Margo on her way passed.

“He’ll use you like he did me, you know, Narcissa. I don’t know what you think you know about him, but whatever it is: you’re wrong! Severus only ever looks out of himself and he’ll screw you over in a heartbeat, given half the chance!”

To her surprise, Narcissa laughed again and removed Margo’s fingers, looking down on her with pity on her face.

She stepped closer and grabbed Margo’s hair, pulling her head up so Narcissa’s mouth was by her ear.

“Severus Snape is a Death Eater.” Narcissa whispered.

Margo’s mouth dropped open.

She was released roughly but she did nothing to stop the other witch walking away, her eyes glassy and distant with shock.

 

 

Harry made his way sullenly to his seat in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Snape had decorated it with his own personality: there were portraits of people being maimed and in pain on all of the walls, giving the room a sinister edge and was deeply unpleasant to be in.

Snape swept in, slamming the door behind him.

Harry had seen occasions when Snape had seemed almost human, but this year was very cautious of the man, following his movements with suspicion and care.

Snape did not seem to notice.

He dropped his books on the front desk with a bang and silenced the class with a look.

“Today, we will be learning non- verbal spells. Turn your books to page forty seven.”

Harry turned to the page and scanned it, put off by how difficult it seemed. Even Hermione looked pale beside him.

“You have fifteen minutes to practice by yourselves SILENTLY, before I will pair you off and we will practice combat spells. Fifteen minutes begin now.”

Harry saw a candle had been placed in front of each other the students, so he focused on trying to light it, growing more and more frustrated as time went on.

He whispered under his breath and the flame lit, inspiring gasps from students nearby.

He shook his head and began explaining, but not before the dark form of Professor Snape was behind him, clapping sarcastically.

“Well, our ‘Chosen One’ has mastered it already. Show the class, Potter.”

Harry could feel himself going bright red and fixed his eyes on the floor.  
“I didn’t do it,” He muttered, drawing giggles from the Sytherins.

“What was that, Mr Potter?” Snape asked mockingly.

Harry felt rage bubbling as he glared ahead.

“I can’t do it, sir,” He snapped.

Snape chuckled, turning on his heal and walking towards his own house’s side of the classroom.

“I suspected as much. You don’t seem to be able to do ANYTHING without talking, Potter, one only hopes you find a girlfriend who’s into that…”

The Sytherins howled with laughter as the sexual implication dawned on Harry, who blushed hard.

Hermione and Ron glared at Snape who simply strode over to his desk and sat victorious.

There was a knock on the door, barely heard over the cackling.

“Enter,” Snape said lazily, though he stood quickly when McGonagall strode in.

She looked around the now silent classroom and shook her head sadly.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Professor, but I have very sad news for some of you,” She announced.

Harry felt dread rising in his chest as he waited for the news.

“Some of you got to know Professor Adele Perrot, the charms teacher from Beauxbatons Academy during the Yule Ball. I am sorry to inform you that her body was found in the woods near her school this morning. I didn’t want you all to find out by reading the paper tomorrow. I am really very sorry…”

The witch nodded to Snape who did not respond, his eyes seemingly stuck on a point on the desk in front of him.

Harry remembered the dark haired teacher with fondness, though they had not spoken much during the hectic year he had experienced.

After McGonagall had swept out, the room remained very quiet.

“What’s the betting it was Voldemort or his followers?” Harry asked Ron and Hermione.

“I really liked Professor Perrot!” Neville said, turning to face them from his desk in front.

“Silence!” Snape spat from the front, suddenly moving like a statue which had sprung back to life, “pair off with a member of the other house to practice combat spells: disarm only! And Potter..?”

The two exchanged a vicious glance at each other.

“NON VERBAL means NO TALKING!”


	29. The Truth Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus carries out Dumbledore's plan and is engulfed in darkness once more. 
> 
> Harry finds out the truth of his family. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> Non graphic rape/sexual violence, discussions of this nature.  
> Major Character death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone,  
> This is the chapter everyone has been waiting for I think!   
> Hoping I've done it well enough to satisfy!  
> Please feel free to leave feedback, I am very grateful for any and all thoughts, it does make it easier to write.  
> Thank you, as always, for the continued support
> 
> Enjoy...

Shit no, this can’t be happening.

  
The cackle of Bellatrix and the growl from Greyback pushed him consciously back into reality.

He felt wholly numb, watching the scene play out from behind dead eyes, not an active part but an unwilling observer.

“Severus….Please…”

Dumbledore is begging me- he means it this time.

His black eyes regard Draco, traumatised and sobbing.

Poor boy, weaker than I was and the damage will be the same. I wonder how he’ll bury his guilt. Drink? Pain? Sex? All of them?

A quiet smile inside his head, an in-joke in his tattered mind.

“Severus….”

The old man looked half dead already and more vulnerable than Severus had ever known. His grey hair hung matted around his face, his eyes red and bloodshot. The pain he was in was written in the lines all over his face.

No more love, no more peace and no more honour. After this act, I seal my fate. Forever remembered as a traitor and a killer.

He turned his eyes skyward, hoping against hope his Lily was not watching him.

She was so right about me, so right all along…why did she ever love me?

“Severus…Please…”

He raised his wand, his mind screaming at him to find another way, to run, to jump off the tower: anything but throw his life away like this- anything at all!

His boy was nearby. Severus wasn’t sure where but he could feel him.

He was reminded of his fight with Vernon when Harry was two.

Don’t look at Daddy’s blood drenched face. Don’t fall into Daddy’s darkness.

“Severus…”

Eyes of steel and Onyx met eyes of blue fire. A silent plea, both ways, for forgiveness.

I love you so much, Harry, now and always.

“Avada Kedavra…”

A flash of green and his mind reeled.

A scream of joy from behind, a scream of horror from inside.

He froze as he watched his former master and friend fall like a rag doll from the tower, lifeless and free at last.

A tug on his robes and he began to flee, running down the stairs and away from his shame as fast as possible.

His heart pounded and his clothes felt too tight.

Must keep running, must escape or this is all for nothing.

A gust of wind and he was outside again, running across the grounds.

Shit no, this can’t be happening.

He looked around as he was blinded by fire.

Hagrid ran out of his hut-turned-inferno carrying his dog. The two met eyes, full of despair and fear before Severus turned away and continued to run.

“SNAPE!”

Harry.

“SNAPE!”

“Crucio!” Bellowed Bellatrix beside him.

Harry crumpled to the floor, jerking and screaming.

“NO!” Severus grabbed Bellatrix by the arms and threw her to the floor, breaking the spell and causing the witch to glare at him angrily.

“He belongs to the Dark Lord!” Severus explained quickly before drawing his own wand again.

He spared a thought for how different the object now felt in his hand.

Is it possible for wands to become angry?

“Cruci-“

Severus blocked Harry’s spell with a flick and started towards him.

“Expelli-“

Another block.

Come on, NON verbal!

“Stupi-“

Blocked again.

Severus was only a few feet away now and Harry fell backwards trying to get away from him.

“He trusted you!” Harry yelled, tears rolling down is face.

Severus felt his heart break as his worst nightmare was realised.

His son’s eyes held nothing but hatred for him, wished him nothing but harm.

He fought back a sob and drifted back into numbness.

“Non- verbal, Potter. That means NO talking. How many times? And clear your mind and block me, I can hear your thoughts from the forest!”

“Fuck off!” Harry yelled, holding up his wand again. “Sectumsemp-“

Shit!

Severus blocked and dodged on reflex, though the spell nearly hit him.

Not that one, boy.

He disarmed Harry with a flick of his wand and stood over him menacingly.

“How dare you use my own spells against me?” Severus spat.

Harry blinked in confusion before realisation dawned on him.

“Yes…I am the Half Blood Prince…”

He cast his eyes over his son one more time, trying to memorise every detail, before kicking the boy’s wand away and taking off as fast as his school robes would allow.

Goodbye, Harry…

 

Harry sat shell shocked in the Hospital Wing.

Ron and Hermione had joined him there, but neither had said a word.

Harry stared, unblinking ahead of himself, unable to come to terms with the events of the night.

“Harry?”

The hospital doors opened and Lupin, Tonks, Shacklebolt and Mad eye Moody burst in, quickly followed by Professors McGonagall and Slughorn. Hagrid entered last, looking at the floor, his face covered in soot and sticky with tears.

“Harry!” Lupin declared again, grabbing Harry into a tight embrace.

The boy felt the warmth engulf him and became lost in grief, sobbing into Lupin’s robes for several minutes.

 

Harry took nearly an hour to gather his thoughts and regain control of himself, before explaining the events on the Astronomy tower to the waiting crowd.

The teachers all stood shocked, mouths open in disbelief.

“It’s not true!” Slughorn declared, looking around himself. “Severus would never do such a thing! It isn’t true!”

Harry looked at Slughorn and realised the old man was utterly beside himself. Hagrid rushed over and assisted Lupin to prop him up and they led him gently to a chair before Slughorn pushed them off.

“It’s not true!” He cried, “There’s got to be some mistake!”

“No mistake, I saw the whole thing!” Harry said quietly.

Slughorn’s knees gave way again and Hagrid lifted him up and seated him.

The Potions Master shook with sobs and covered his face.

“Dumbledore trusted him…” Lupin said quietly, looking from face to face for confirmation.

The group nodded and all looked at the floor.

“Did we ever find out why? What did Dumbledore tell you?” Moody asked officially.

Harry furrowed his brow.

“He usually said that he just did,” Harry answered slowly, “Apparently, Snape heard the prophecy from Trelawney and told Voldemort. He’s the reason my parents were killed too! But Dumbledore said that it was the biggest regret of his life!”

“Nonsense…” McGonagall spat from the seat next the Harry’s bed, “Severus HATED James Potter. I was always having to break them apart in school!”

“He didn’t think much of my mother either...’Mudblood’ he called her…” Harry added sadly.

Slughorn’s head shot up, his face etched with disbelief.

“What? When?” He asked.

“Fifth year, I think…” Harry replied.

Slughorn slipped back into his thought, muttering under his breath.

“That makes even less sense…” He mumbled.

Lupin’s face had become very serious, Harry noticed. He was looking out of the window, his body language very stiff.

Hagrid also was looking anywhere by Harry.

Harry felt a familiar anger well up and he got out of bed to face both men.

“What?” He snapped, “Secrets are what got us here so let’s have some honesty! What are you keeping from me?”

Lupin looked at him surprised. His face formed back into a serious look again and he seemed to be fighting himself.

“I don’t know anything for sure, Harry, but I think I know how Snape fooled Dumbledore…”

The room became totally silent as everyone’s attention focused on Lupin.

“I’ve had my suspicions for a few years now…” Lupin explained thoughtfully, “I just didn’t want to say anything in case either it wasn’t true or it would upset you…I knew, were it true, there would be a reason it was hidden from you…”

“NO!” Hagrid bellowed unexpectedly.

Everyone jumped and looked around shocked at the giant man, now weeping bitter tears, beside Slughorn.

“Dumbledore said never to tell him!” Hagrid pleaded.

“So it’s true then?” Lupin asked.

“What is?” Harry snapped, grabbing Lupin’s arm.

“I ‘eard ‘em arguin’…Snape was demandin’ to know what Dumbledore was tellin’ ‘Arry…Professor Dumbledore made me promise no’ to tell ‘im!”

“Dumbledore’s dead, Hagrid. I’m sure he didn’t plan for that…” McGonagall said gently.

Hagrid howled in pain and sat on the floor where he remained, defeated.

Lupin held onto both of Harry’s shoulders and locked eyes with him.

“Harry, I don’t know how, I don’t know why it’s been kept from you, but here’s the truth. The reason Dumbledore trusted Snape is because Snape is you’re real father…”

Panic rose in Harry’s chest as his legs threatened to give way.

He shook his head in disbelief while the others gasped around him.

“He can’t be! No…no…that’s a lie…James Potter is my dad…”

“We all thought so too, Harry, we really did…As you’ve grown up, you have become more like young Severus than James, appearance and personality…Everyone just saw what they wanted...” Lupin explained.

Harry continued to shake his head.

“Weren’t you nearly put in Slytherin?” Ron asked from behind him, his words causing a crash of emotion to wash over Harry again, chilling him to the core.

“The dreams, Harry! The trips to Cornwall?” Hermione reminded him, standing up, shaking.

“And when you said you’d spoken to your dad by the lake that night you and Sirius were attacked by the Dementors?” Ron added, “Wasn’t it Snape who found you and brought you back? Fucking hell…”

“No…” Harry’s words were becoming slurred as his vision started to grey.

He felt Lupin grab him as his body gave in and he nearly hit the floor.

“Harry...?” Lupin’s words seemed far away, echoing in Harry’s head.

Snape’s face swam into his vision, sneering and snapping at him, tormenting him and laughing at him.

A distant memory of blood on the carpet at Privet Drive. Snape sitting in the middle of the living room, blood all over him.

It can’t be true. It just can’t be.

His mind recalled Snape holding up is wand, his face like a mask, killing Dumbledore without a second thought.

There’s been a mistake. He’s not my dad. He’s a Death Eater. He’s a murderer. He’s scum.

Harry met the darkness which engulfed him gratefully as it finally took away his thoughts and left him at peace.

It’s not true…

 

His grip on her hips became slack before rolling off her and tugging off the condom, discarding it disrespectfully on the sheets.

Narcissa grabbed the sheet to cover her nakedness while he stood and pulled out a cigarette, puffing on it noisily.

“What the fuck was that? Didn’t you hear me?” Narcissa asked, her voice cracking.

Severus glanced at her, his gaze shockingly cold.

“What?”

“What do you mean ‘what’? I told you to stop! You were hurting me!”

“And?” Severus flicked ash on her fur rug and sat lazily on an arm chair a little way away.

Narcissa felt used and utterly dismayed at his reaction.

She had never seen him this heartless, this detached, except when he tortured or killed.

Even then, the glassy look usually went pretty quickly.

“And?!” She snapped.

Narcissa’s control left her and she started to feel she had made a horrible mistake.

Severus shushed her and dangled his leg over the chair arm.

“I’m the fucking king of the castle now, Cissy. Didn’t you hear how pleased the Dark Lord was with me? Your family is totally fucked, there’s a new inner circle now- and I’m it!”

Narcissa bit back a reply, knowing he was right, and pulled on her robe.

She wandered over to him as serenely as she could and took a drag on his cigarette, before handing it back.

“Lucius will be rescued from Azkaban soon. It seems you have assisted me make up my mind: this between us is over.”

Severus let out a laugh and shrugged.

“Is this the part where I beg you to keep me and promise not to hurt you again?” He mocked, dressing slowly and flashing her another nasty smile. “Fuck, you’re in for an ugly reality check!”

Narcissa wrapped her arms around herself and locked the door behind him as he swaggered out.

She pressed her back to the door and took a breath, terrified of him. 

He had lost it, no doubt.

Whatever had been left of him had died with Dumbledore, leaving only malice and cruelty in its place.

 

 

Harry had taken several days to process things.

The shock kept coming and going, the nightmares had continued to plague him and he often found himself having panic attacks.

Even so, he had forced himself to get his head around everything as quickly as he could.

He sat in Slughorn’s study, opposite the old man who had not stopped sobbing randomly for nearly a full week.

“When I was conceived, he was a Death Eater. I’m concluding she didn’t have a choice…” Harry stated as void of emotion as he could.

Slughorn looked up at him wide eyed, shaking his head desperately.

“No…he wouldn’t…more likely she wanted…oh, Harry, I don’t know what to think anymore…”

“He’s a half blood, Hermione read about him in the library. His Dad is a muggle, also a murderer, his mother was a pure blood but was the victim…”

Slughorn nodded sadly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Criminal record so long it would fill the Hogwarts library apparently…why was he allowed to teach here? Just because of me? Did he say anything to you?”

Slughorn shook his head again.

“Severus was often in trouble, but he was a good boy. He was just a little rough around the edges and your father…James even…James Potter gave him a hard time…”

“So he was bullied and mummy and daddy didn’t like each other, so he became a homicidal Death Eater, is that it?”

“No…I’m not saying that….”

“And why would my mum sleep with him if it wasn’t forced?”

“Maybe there were old feeling there?” Slughorn ventured.

Harry leaned forward and pulled the candle closer so that Slughorn’s face was fully lit.

“Old feelings?”

Slughorn looked away.

“They were together, Lily and Severus. Years they were together. I was hoping they would marry…but then it all fell apart…He never did tell me why…”

Harry’s mind raced with this new information.

“Maybe she found out he was an evil little fucker with a love of torture and murder?” He suggested, “Or maybe she made a mistake? Or he used Polyjuice potion?”

“Maybe…” Slughorn replied, “I just can’t help but feel like we’re missing something here! Severus made a lot of mistakes, but he was never ‘evil’ as you put it. No one who is capable of so much love after knowing so much hatred can possibly be…”

“You’re wrong, just ask that Margo woman- wow bet she feels disgusting right now! He’s evil, cruel and twisted- everyone was just in denial about it!” Harry stood and placed his hands on the desk, an echo of Severus in his sneer, “I’ll ask him if he’s evil or not and what happened with him and my mum…I’ll ask him right before I kill him…”

 

 

After Harry had left, Slughorn made his way to his shelf and carefully removed the picture of Severus from its frame. He pulled out the photography tucked behind it.

Lily and Severus were embracing, their lips pressed to each- other’s lovingly under the Quiddich stands.

The old man spilled tears onto the picture, touching it as lovingly as a father would.

“They loved each other, that’s why Harry exists…I know it…Oh Severus…” He held onto the picture of Severus and Lily, but threw the one of Severus on his own into the fire, watching it catch and burn away, as he had done to so many others in the past.

“Oh, my boy…There has to be a mistake…”

**END OF BOOK 3**


	30. Hell Hath No Fury...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry continues to dig into the past.
> 
> Severus regrets upsetting Margo
> 
> Warnings: mention of rape/non-con

**Part 4**

 

Petunia came back after being sick for the third time.

  
Harry watched her sit shakily back at the table and flick her eyes to her husband, who was beside himself with rage.

  
“I told you that boy was trouble!” He muttered for what had to have been the fifth time.

“Severus or Harry?” Petunia asked in a quiet voice.

“Both!” Vernon spat.

  
Harry rolled his eyes and stared at Petunia.

  
“So you both knew? I’m still waiting for an explanation: Why did you not tell me?”

  
Petunia coughed and attempted to sip the tea which she had made, but failed due to her trembling hands.

  
“He-Dumbledore-he told us not to tell…”

  
Vernon furrowed his brow and glared at her.

  
“I thought Snape told you when the boy was two? That night I was at the pub and he kissed you?”

  
Petunia was left spluttering while Harry’s stomach dropped nauseatingly.

  
“He-fucking-what?” He exclaimed, “Well this just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?!”

“It’s not what you think!” Petunia protested before bursting into loud sobs.

  
Vernon put his arms around her, glaring at Harry angrily.

  
“See what you’ve done to her? I told you all along your dad was a criminal and a low life and you never listened did you? Always had to argue and make out as if you knew better-well guess what? Now you know what we do! To top it all, he’s gone and killed someone? It doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

  
Petunia shook her head, clearly too devastated to speak.

  
Tonks walked into the room, hovering by the door hesitantly before Harry acknowledged her.

  
“We’re ready to escort your family to safety, Harry…”

  
“Thank you,” Harry nodded and turned to his relatives for what could be the last time.

  
There was a heavy silence in the room, as if everyone was waiting for someone else to speak, until Vernon stood up and suck out his hand for Harry to shake.

  
“Good luck, boy.” He said, taking his hand away and gathering their suitcases to put in the car.

  
Petunia looked wildly at him for a long moment before wordlessly hurrying out.

  
Dudley was the last to leave, staying in the arm chair where he had been throughout the discussion.

  
“Sorry about your dad, Potter…” He said, looking away.

  
Harry bristled and turned to face him.

  
“Are you sure though- that he killed that guy?”

  
“Yes, I saw him do it.” Harry answered curtly.

  
Dudley nodded and stood, coming to a stop just in front of his cousin.

  
“Good luck, Harry…” He said quietly. He walked over to the door of the empty house and stopped again. Harry watched as Dudley gestured to a fire engine toy over the fire place.

  
“Your dad made me that, by the way…” he said, before walking out of the door and to the car.

  
Harry felt a mixture of shock at his statement and slight loss as he watched them drive away.

He took the fire engine off the mantel piece and stared at it.

 

 

Severus woke up with the worst headache he had given himself in a long time.

  
He groaned and rolled over, his vision swimming and his mouth like cotton wool.

  
The plan he had devised had worked perfectly: the Death Eaters had attacked Harry on the day he was to be moved, but had been confused by the addition Severus had put in place, seven Harrys.

  
In the attack, Severus had maimed a Weasley twin and Moody had been killed, but otherwise, the Order had got away unscathed.

  
Severus had crawled into a bed in Malfoy Manor and had celebrated alone with a bottle of Fire Whiskey, which he was paying for now.

  
He laughed at his own foolishness and pulled a pair of trousers and a tshirt on, before padding downstairs.

 

 

He was served breakfast by a terrified brigade of House Elves and ignored the many sniggers and odd looks he was getting from the other Death Eaters.

  
“Morning, Severus…” Lucius said as he came in, “been drowning your sorrows as your plan failed to deliver the Potter boy, I see?”

  
Severus glared at him through his hangover and smirked.

  
“At least I got the day right, unlike the rest of you!” He spat.

  
To his surprise, no one was intimidated and continued to giggle at him.

  
He could feel glee in the room and had a horrible sinking feeling as The Daily Prophet was pushed in front of him.

  
“Dumbledore: The True Story Part 2!” The front page promised, “Page 2, My Nights of Passion with Severus Snape: An Exclusive Exposé by Margo Woods…”

  
Severus felt his face burn and his hands start to shake.

  
“What the..?”

  
“Juicy stuff, Severus!” Bellatrix announced, gleefully, creating a ripple of laughter across the room.

  
Severus threw his spoon down angrily and took the newspaper upstairs with him.

 

 

“Blimey!” Ron exclaimed, reading the newspaper over Hermione’s shoulder.

  
She flushed and closed the page quickly, turning her attention to the breakfast Mrs Weasley had given her.

  
Mrs Weasley walked in and hurriedly snatched the paper off the table with a disgusted look on her face.

  
“Don’t let poor Harry see this, you two!” She implored, tucking the paper out of sight, “Traitor, murderer AND a sexual deviant- I don’t know what Dumbledore was thinking, saving him from the Dementors all those years ago!”

  
“Did I just read that right?” Ron asked, sitting down, “That thing the woman said Snape did to her, second paragraph down…do women actually let people do that?”

  
Hermione blushed fiercely while Mrs Weasley rolled her eyes and adopted a very stern expression.

  
“Only if they’re married to you. Full stop! Now get on with your breakfast and put this FILTH out of your head.”

  
“What filth?” Harry asked, coming down the stairs and sitting next to Ron.

  
“Never mind, Harry, love. Here’s some breakfast for you- eat up!”

  
Harry sat down and tucked in while the other guests in the house appeared around the table one by one.

  
Lupin came and sat down beside Harry, giving his shoulder a squeeze while he did so.

  
“How are you today, Harry? Slept well, did you?”

  
“Slughorn told me Snape and my Mum used to be together. Is that true?” Harry asked with no pre-amble.

  
Lupin looked at the plate of eggs which had been placed in front of him and sighed.

  
“That was a very long time ago, Harry, but yes, I believe they were in a relationship of sorts in the earlier years of school…”

  
“So why’d they break up?”

  
“I couldn’t say! Snape certainly never spoke to me about it and Lily started going out with James in seventh year, having been away from Snape for a good year or so before that. It’s such a long time ago, I can’t see how it could be relevant today…”

  
“Apart from the fact that I exist.”

  
There was a heavy silence in the room for a few moments until Lupin pulled out the Daily Prophet and handed it to Harry, who gasped at the second headline.

  
“Margo Woods? His ex?” Harry asked.

  
Lupin quietly turned the pages until he came to page 5 of Margo’s article. He pursed his lips into a thin line and handed the paper over to Harry to read.

  
**_“…We had broken up for a few months, and I admit, I did pine after him, even then._**

**_However, the night of the sixteenth of June made me wonder why I had ever allowed him to lay hands on me at all._ **

  
**_Severus walked into my room and the first thing I could smell was the alcohol on him. God! It was putrid! He had this wild look in his eyes, like a man possessed, and it was then that I really started to feel afraid… [At this point in the interview, Miss Woods starts crying. I give her a minute to compose herself before she continues on her own.]_ **

  
**_…”He told me he wanted company. I told him to get out, but that seemed to set him off. He lunged at me like an animal and told me how evil he was and how I shouldn’t say no to him…He pushed me onto the bed and he climbed on top of me…I didn’t know what to do! His hands started ripping at my clothes and I realised-to my horror- that he had managed to get my legs apart…”_ **

Harry shut the paper, white hot anger spilling from every pore, blind with rage.

  
“That fucking monster…you think that’s what he did to my mum?”

  
Lupin nodded grimly and looked away.

  
“It would explain why she lied and married James…and why Dumbledore didn’t want you to know who your father really was…”

  
“Oh, Harry, this is too horrible to think about now! Eat up and let’s talk about the wedding, never mind Snape or You-Know-Who, alright, dear?”

Mrs Weasley spoke from by the hobs, though her words sounded a hundred miles away with the blood rushing through Harry’s ears.

  
He stood up abruptly and left through the back door into the garden to cool off.

 

 

Severus looked up as the portrait of Dumbledore in his office coughed for attention.

  
He shut the Daily Prophet and wiped his eyes dry before standing in front of it, his hands behind his back.

  
“Are you reading something troubling, Severus?” The portrait enquired kindly.

  
“No, just an article about my sex life being broadcast to the entire wizarding world… New Headmaster of Hogwarts, so my private life is everyone’s business now-apparently!”

  
“Oh, to be young again!” Dumbledore mused, chuckling slightly.

  
“There’s a new book coming out about you as well, sir. I have more respect for you than to read it, but I doubt others will feel the same. The Prophet is printing little previews every week…all very personal, naturally.”

  
“Naturally,” Dumbledore answered, a glint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. “Now, Severus, we must get to business. Are the Carrows going to be placed at Hogwarts?”

  
Severus nodded and tried not to allow himself to feel too overwhelmed.

  
“You know how sadistic they can be, Severus: they would make Delores Umbridge look positively progressive were they allowed to run wild in the castle…”

  
Severus thought back to when he watched them interrogate someone when he was twenty. He shook the memory away, finding it too disturbing to dwell on.

  
“And the Sword of Gryffindor?”

  
“Safe, Headmaster, as you requested-though I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what it’s for after I risked being skinned alive to get it?”

  
Dumbledore chuckled again and shook his head.

  
“Your boy knows, Severus, and we will deal with it in good time. For now, please concentrate on keeping the students as safe as possible from the Death Eaters and keep an eye out for news of Harry and his friends.”

  
Severus nodded and felt butterflies in his stomach.

  
How the fuck am I supposed to face the school when they all know what I’ve done? Plus the humiliation of the news articles about me….

  
The more he thought about the Welcome Feast, the more attractive death became as an option.

 

 

 

_Harry looked around himself and realised he was surrounded by Dementors. He looked down, panicked, to find Sirius was unconscious in his lap._

  
_Harry picked up his wand and aimed it high, but did not have the strength left to summon a Patronus._

  
_He half collapsed and felt hopelessness engulf him, swallowing him down into the depths of despair._

  
_He watched, half dazed, as a silver stag chased the beasts away._

  
_Dad? No. Not dad…that was me who sent the stag…It was me because I’d seen it, so I knew I could do it…_

  
_He tried to get up but his body felt like it weighed a tonne._

  
_Suddenly, he was being pulled into someone’s arms._

  
_The person was bare chested, his skin smelled familiar and musky. He felt a hand grab his wrist, then his face. He opened his eyes a little to see Snape staring down at him, his long hair framing his face in the moonlight, his eyes full of worry and fear._

  
_“…Dad?” He heard himself say._

  
_He felt Snape pulling his hair off his forehead and shaking him._

_Why is he doing this? Is he really worried? He can’t be…_

  
_“…Please, son, stay with me…”_

 

Harry woke with a jolt and stared at a blank patch of wall across the room.


	31. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus runs into a familiar foe. 
> 
> Harry faces more revelations about his father. 
> 
> Flash backs are in italics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snape is all grey. You can't make him a saint: he was vindictive & bullying. You can't make him a devil: he died to save the wizarding world. -jk Rowling 27th November 2015

“My friends, the hour is at hand. The Ministry is set to fall and the wizarding world will soon belong to us!”

  
The Dark Lord’s words echoed around the Malfoy’s great dining hall and was met with rapturous applause.

  
Voldemort directed his snake-like eyes to Severus, who was listening intently, his travelling cloak wrapped around him like folded wings.

  
“Our dear Severus has been attacked by that pathetic publication The Daily Prophet. I want it made clear to those responsible that the Dark Lord will not tolerate such slander directed at the new Headmaster of Hogwarts. Bellatrix,”

  
The woman’s head perked up and she grinned seductively at him.

  
“Please ensure this message gets to them. I trust your methods implicitly…”

  
“Yes, Master! Of course- Thank you so much!” She answered, enthusiastically nodding and rubbing her hands together.

  
The Dark Lord turned back to the room, smiling at the Death Eaters around the long table.

  
“Tonight we shall celebrate our victory,” he announced, “but be warned: our struggle is not anywhere near over. Be prepared, friends, for we have a long road ahead of us…”

 

 

“Unbelievable!” Ron exclaimed, reading The Daily Prophet by the pond at the end of the garden. Harry came to sit with him, wiping sweat off his brow after helping to put the tents up for Fleur and Bill’s wedding.

  
“What is?” Harry asked, taking the paper off him.

  
Harry felt his heart sink and his blood boil as he stared at the full page picture of Severus Snape, sneering at him from the page.

  
The headlines lead to a grovelling apology from the Prophet, as well as a shining endorsement of him as the new Headmaster.

  
Harry read down his list of achievements and half threw the newspaper back to his friend.

  
“Fucking arsehole. I’ll bet he intimidated the staff at the Prophet and tortured them into writing that stuff! Youngest ever this and best ever that! Quite a super star he’s made himself out to be!” Harry spat.

  
“Who are you talking about?” Hermione asked, sitting down with Ginny behind her.

  
“The monster who raped my mother.”

  
Ginny moved to sit by him and placed a loving hand on his shoulder.

  
Ron stared at this initially but chose to stay quiet.

  
“We don’t know that, Harry, please don’t torture yourself with this anymore!” Hermione implored, “Let’s focus on the wedding instead: have you had your dress robes ironed yet?”  
Harry shifted in his seat and tried to move his mind on.

  
“No,” he answered, “I’ll go and do it now…”

 

 

Severus inhaled the smoke from his rolled-up cigarette and looked lazily at Ollivander.

The elderly man was shivering in the dimly lit dungeon, his chains clanking together with every movement.

  
“Just tell me what I need to know and there’s no reason you have to suffer any more than you already have,” Severus told him, “I take no pleasure from this, I really don’t…”

  
“You liar,” the old man snapped defiantly, “of course you are! You get off on torturing others, if the newspapers are to be believed!”

  
Severus let the cigarette drop and glared at the prisoner.

  
“You’re trying my patience, old man…”

  
“Fuck yourself, Death Eater! I won’t help you or your fucking lunatic master!”

  
Severus raised an eyebrow before raising his wand and pointing it at the man.

  
“Lily Evans!” Ollivander shouted at him, causing him to falter, “I remember you two used to come into my shop together every year! You were close to her, weren’t you?”

  
Severus lowered his wand slightly, his chest suddenly very tight.

  
“What would she think of you if she saw you doing this? What would she say?”

  
Severus took a moment to compose himself before clearing his emotions and casting the Cruciatus Curse on the man.

  
He shrieked and convulsed on the floor, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

  
Severus stopped the curse and sat down on the table behind him.

  
“Lily Evans is dead, so she wouldn’t have a great deal to say. Not that I care anyway. So- let’s try this again. You’re going to answer my questions or you’re going to scream. It’s up to you…”

 

 

_“Hi Professor!”_

  
_Severus looked up from his drink and stared at the young woman clearing the next table onto a tray._

_Chestnut curls, bright green eyes, full red lips…she looked familiar but he couldn’t place her._  
_He shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He hadn’t slept with her-had he?_

  
_“Hello…sorry, it’s been a bit of a busy week…Miss…?”_

  
_“Woods, Margo Woods? I was in your first ever NEWTs class, sir.”_

  
_“Oh…” Severus looked her over again, his eyes lingering a little longer than he wanted them to on her full chest and smooth curves. He shook himself mentally and nodded._

  
_“And how have you been, Miss Woods?” He asked, only half remembering the girl. How long had it been? If he was now twenty nine, he would have first met her at twenty two…_

  
_Margo giggled and flashed him a stunning smile. Suddenly, a light went on in his head and memories flooded his mind._

  
_“What are you doing working here?” He asked quickly, “You got straight ‘O’s- didn’t you? I wrote a letter of recommendation for you to the Ministry!”_

  
_Margo put the tray down and sauntered over to him, her hips swaying as she walked._

_Severus felt his mouth go dry._

  
_“I worked there for a while, but I really wasn’t keen. Kept moving departments but never got settled- you know?”_

  
_Severus nodded, struggling to keep his thoughts professional._

  
_Her eyes were darker than Lily’s, but so beautiful in their own right. Like two emeralds with the sea trapped inside them._

  
_Margo sat down next to him, lightly brushing his arm as she did so._

  
_“So…the pub’s closing soon- care to stay for a drink with me afterwards? Just us?” She asked._

  
_Severus sipped his tea thoughtfully and returned her smile._

  
_“It would be nice to catch up… Why not?” He replied._

 

 

Severus had to blank his expression as he, Avery and Lucius descended into the Ministry of Magic.

  
The entire place stank with fear.

People ran passed the trio as they made their way to the Department of Education, heads down, anxiety written on every inch of their faces.

  
Severus tried desperately not to look around him, not wishing to fully comprehend the post-apocalyptic nightmare that he’d had a hand in bringing about.

  
“Narcissa asked me if I was seeing you today, Severus.” Lucius said flatly as they entered the lift.

  
Severus swallowed a grin and turned slightly to face his friend.

  
“And?”

  
“Well, that was all really…” Lucius furrowed his brow angrily and looked at the ground.

  
He knows. He’s too much of a coward to say anything, but he knows…

  
“Send her my best wishes, in that case,” Severus answered with a sneer, “I did so enjoy her company last year, it would be a shame to fall out of touch- don’t you think?”

  
Lucius glared at him in reply but said nothing.

  
Avery pressed the floor button and rolled his eyes at the two.

  
“Draco is doing very well in lessons, thought I am having reports that he is lashing out in temper rather a lot lately. Talk to him, would you? I cannot allow such behaviour in my school- it would be a shame if I had to intervene personally…”

  
Lucius responded to this with a curt nod and a worried look, exiting the lift with the other two Death Eaters, trailing a little behind.

  
“Snape!”

  
Severus recognised the cry instantly and ignored the dagger-like pain through his heart.

  
“Snape!” The girl cried again, walking full speed up the corridor.

  
Severus nodded to his comrades to continue without him as he turned to face Margo.

  
She stopped dead a few feet away, tears running down her soft cheeks.

  
“How could you?” She demanded.

  
Severus concentrated on removing all emotions from his head and stared into the middle distance before locking eyes with her.

  
“You went to the papers-“

  
“I’ve just come from there! They won’t speak to me anymore!”

  
“Probably because ‘kiss and tell’ stories aren’t interesting-“

  
“Nonsense, you got to them!”

  
“How could I do that?”

  
“Because you’re a fucking DEATH EATER!” She spat.

  
Severus saw in his periphery a number of office workers turning to look at them at this exclamation and had to bite back rage as he grabbed her roughly by the arm and slammed her into the wall round a corner.

  
“That is quite an accusation, Margo, you’d better have proof for that!”

  
“Narcissa told me!”

  
Severus inwardly cursed himself for getting involved with either of them.

  
“That ‘burn’ on your arm that left an ‘unsightly scar’…” Margo said, pointing at his arm, “it was the Dark Mark, wasn’t it? You were hiding the Dark Mark from me…”

  
Severus felt his strength leave him in the face of her heartbreak. It felt like when Lily had found out all over again.

  
Margo looked into his eyes, full of pain and tears.

  
“Y-you made love to me with the Dark Mark on your arm…” She whispered, “You kissed me and held me so close to you when you had it…right there…on your flesh…how could you?”

  
“I never ‘made love’ to you, Margo…” He answered, leaning close to her ear, “I wish you would stop your little obsession with me and move on…”

  
Margo shook her head angrily and pushed him slightly back.

  
“Whatever you’ve got yourself into, whatever’s happened, I understand…” She stated, “When they threw me in Azkaban, all I could think about was the injustice of it all and how I wanted to destroy the Ministry…but not like this, Sev! Look around you! Whatever your reason is for following him, I know you…I love you…I know you don’t want this…”

  
Severus couldn’t bring himself to answer directly.

  
His hand wandered up to her cheek as his thumb lightly brushed her lips with a feather touch.

  
He shook himself and tore away from her, walking quickly to the Department of Education, cursing his weakness.

 

 

Harry shivered in the cold of the tent as he rolled over and attempted to go back to sleep.

  
The dream of Cornwall and the little cottage by the sea, which had served to comfort him all these years had been sullied by repeated intrusions by his ex-Potions Master.

  
He began to wonder if James Potter had been there at all, or if it had been Snape with him all along.

  
“Why would he have taken me away and not turned me over to his Death Eater pals?” He wondered out loud, “but if he didn’t, how did he know where the cottage was?”

  
Harry felt tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes as he blinked in the darkness.

  
His whole identity had been shattered and he nothing made sense anymore.

  
A noise from outside made him sit up.

 

 

Severus watched with his heart in his mouth as Harry edged near the surface of the frozen pond, following his Doe Patronus.

  
His attention was jolted from the spell on seeing his son, the doe vanishing, as if swallowed by the darkness.

  
Severus swore under his breath and tucked behind a tree, risking a quick glance to ensure Harry had got close enough.

  
I wish I could just scoop him up into my arms. He looks tired…and cold…

  
The light which erupted from Harry’s wand served as a quick reminder that Harry was a magic user and caution was needed.

  
Harry inspected the sword which he had hidden in the water while Severus looked on helplessly, fully aware that his presence would be met with rage and hatred.

He watched as Harry stripped down, ready to jump into the water, and his heart filled with pride as he realised Harry’s body was becoming very quickly like his own.

 

 

_“The Department of Education has requested a copy of the names of every Muggle-born student in the school,” Severus stated to the portrait of Dumbledore._

  
_He said the words so impassively, even he was starting to believe he was numb to it all._  
_Dumbledore nodded gravely and looked sad for a moment._

  
_“You must do whatever you can to protect the students, Severus,” he stated, “however, it may be prudent to get the sword to Harry as soon as is possible…”_

  
_Severus felt a familiar pang of fear._

  
_“You mean, you expect I will have to protect the students with my life soon?” He asked, knowing the answer before the nod was given._

  
_His heart started to beat quickly in his chest forcing him to take a few deep breaths to focus his mind again._

  
_“Yes, sir, I will get the sword to him when I can leave without detection. I don’t suppose I will be able to talk to him so seeing him from a distance one last time will have to do…”_

  
_Dumbledore’s painted eyes filled with tears as he looked down on the young man before him._


	32. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Golden Trio are captured and held hostage.  
> How will they escape? 
> 
> Warnings: Violence, major character death, OC character death, threats of sexual violence

Harry reflected on the last few hours as he sat with his friends in the dungeon of Malfoy Manor.

They had been captured, the sword had been taken and the three teenagers found themselves in chains.

His brain desperately searched for a solution, but after several hours of planning, he was starting to feel hopeless.

Ollivander sat opposite him, his face hidden and his body bruised and broken. Occasionally he would break into soft sobs and did not seem to recognise what was happening around him.

Luna, who was also a prisoner, seemed less phased and certainly in less discomfort. She had started and stopped humming a quiet tune to sooth the other captives frequently during their detention.

Hermione had been taken for questioning, her screams of pain setting everyone on edge. Ron seemed particularly affected: Harry felt the rage pouring off him and could hear the chains shaking with him.

Ron turned, wide eyed, staring at Harry’s transfigured face.

“What are we going to do?” He whispered, starting to sound very frantic.

Harry shook his head and fixed his gaze on the stone floor.

“Don’t worry, Ron,” Luna hushed, “everything is going to be alright, you’ll see.”

Ron clearly did not share her optimism and gave her a weak smile in reply.

Suddenly, the gate opened and Hermione was shoved into the room again before the gate was hastily shut and locked again.

The boys attempted to get to her, but the chains held them to the wall and they were forced to wait for her to get up and make her own way to them.

She folded into Ron’s lap and started sobbing.

 

 

Severus woke to a knocking on the door.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up, groaning with tiredness.

He couldn’t ever sleep: either he was working or nightmares haunted him and robbed him of rest.

His sleeping companion, a young witch named Rose, rolled over to face him.

“Answer that, would you?” He snapped sleepily.

The woman looked slightly annoyed for a moment but thought better of it, rising from the four poster bed elegantly and letting the sheets slide off her naked form before crossing the room, still nude.

Severus watched her as she walked to the door, swaying her hips, with thorough enjoyment. Her pert rear and her thick blonde hair cascading down her back was a sight to behold.

She opened the door and smiled at the look of shock on Narcissa’s face, earning a chuckle from Severus.

Narcissa averted her eyes from the naked woman before her and glared at Severus who was still reclining in bed.

“We have captives we need questioned, Severus, if you ever feel like getting up,” She snapped, turning her attention onto Rose, “and who are you, exactly?”

Rose grinned a toothy grin and sauntered across the room to the bed, sitting on the foot of it and sticking out her chest.

“Who’re you?” The younger witch said in reply.

“Ah, Rose, this is Narcissa. It’s her bed we’ve been fucking in so be nice,” Severus stated arrogantly.

Narcissa blanched at the statement and crossed her arms while Severus sat up again. He reached for a cigarette and lit it, smiling at her.

“There’s room for you too, Narcissa..?” He suggested in a seductive tone.  

“Spare me!” The witch shot back, her face etched with anger. “Stop dicking around and interrogate these prisoners!”

Severus shrugged and got up, unashamed of his nakedness in front of the two woman. Rose watched him cross to his clothes hungrily while Narcissa looked away.

He pulled on his trousers and boots before gesturing to Narcissa to lead the way.

Narcissa eyed the deep scratches all over his chest and back, taking a moment to glare at Rose before leading him to the dungeon.

  Hermione tried not to rub her arm where Bellatrix had sadistically carved ‘Mudblood’ into it. Her eyes stung with tears as she desperately tried to hold them back.

Ron was warm against her and his arms wrapped around her did give her a little comfort, despite not being enough to relieve the chill of their prison.

A noise as the gate opened made all of the captives jump.

Hermione let out a squeak of fear as Narcissa walked into the dungeon followed by a shirtless Severus Snape.

Snape looked entirely different without his robes (or any clothing above his waist, for that matter). His lean muscles were glowing with a thin sheen of sweat in the candle light, nail marks cross crossing across his torso.

The effect gave him a sexual yet sinister edge.  

Hermione felt Harry’s entire body become ridged with anger at the mere sight of him.

Snape flicked his eyes over the three before looking at the whimpering Olivander in the corner of the dungeon.

“What’s happening with our wand-making friend?” He asked Narcissa.

The witch seemed to look slightly saddened before wiping the expression off her face.

“I believe he is to be fed to Greyback. I’ve asked for it to take place OFF my grounds, but I don’t know if they’ll listen to me.” Came the cold blooded answer.

Hermione’s cry had to be stifled by a hand across her mouth from Ron.

“You fucking animals!” Harry yelled, standing and struggling against his chains.

His fight was in vain and was knocked back to the floor with a lazy flick of Snape’s hand.

“I do believe you’ve upset our guests, Cissy,” Snape said silkily, a dark, numb look coming over his eyes.

Narcissa shuddered as Snape passed her. He knelt next to the shaking elderly man and before anyone could register what he was doing, he grabbed Ollivander’s head with both hands and twisted hard.

There was a sickening crack followed by a thud as the old man’s lifeless body hit the floor.

The three teens stared, open mouthed, their minds overwhelmed with absolute horror.

Snape stood and turned slowly towards Harry, a haunted but satisfied look on his face.

“Better?” He asked the boy quietly.

Harry had started shaking so violently Ron had to let go of Hermione and grab him.

“Who are these children anyway, Cissy?” Snape was saying.

Hermione sat on the ground on the brink of losing consciousness, panic completely taking hold.

Her brilliant mind still registered his comment as odd though.

Harry was disguised, but herself and Ron weren’t. Could he just not see them? Had he lost his mind?

“That’s what we needed you for, Snape. My poor Draco can’t tell us anything, he’s too ill…”

“Ill or cowardly? Let me have a look then…” Snape walked over to the three who all recoiled by instinct.

He eased hair from the front of Hermione’s face, making her become as still as a statue, too afraid to even breath.

She looked up into his black eyes and saw nothing but a twisted evil in them. What little respect she’d held on to for her studious Potions Teacher had gone the second she had seen him kill so callously.

Her blood went cold as he started tracing his fingers along her jaw line.

“She’s been questioned by my sister,” Narcissa stated, watching him, “she’s tough, we haven’t had much out of her…”

Snape nodded slowly and tilted his head to the side thoughtfully.

“There are things I can do to her which your sister isn’t _equipped_ to do though, Cissy. Let’s go, witch!”

Hermione screamed as he threw her over his shoulder and started carrying her out.

Harry and Ron were silenced by a spell each from Narcissa as Hermione kicked and struggled in his grip.

 

 

 

Hermione was carried into a large bedroom with a beautiful large four poster bed in the centre. There was a naked blonde woman already occupying it who grabbed Hermione’s arms and held her down after Snape deposited her on it.

Hermione became very still again, tears leaking out of her eyes. She looked up at the blonde woman holding her arms imploringly, but saw nothing but glee on the woman’s face and a demented look in her eyes.

Her heart beat a thousand times a minute and she tried desperately not to think what Snape had planned for her next. No matter how hard she tried, her mind always seemed to come to the same conclusion. He was a rapist. He’d raped Harry’s mother, then Margo Woods and she was next.

“Don’t you ever get tired of sex and violence, Severus?” Narcissa was asking disapprovingly.

Snape responded by winding a strip of fabric around his hand and punching an ornate mirror, smashing it to pieces.

Narcissa, to Hermione’s horror, raised an eyebrow and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Snape crouched down and started rifling through the glass shards on the floor.

Hermione looked up at the woman again, desperately working out how to get away.

“Rose, come here please,” Snape said without standing up.

Rose looked at him, the glee fading slightly.

“Aren’t you going to take her? I want to watch you do it…”

Tears leaked from the corners of Hermione’s eyes at such cruelty, wishing she could die and not have to face this horror.

“I said, come here, please.”

There was a threatening edge to Snape’s voice as Hermione felt Rose let her go and get off the bed to join him by the glass.

Hermione lifted her head slightly to look at them.

Snape was now standing, surrounded by the broken mirror. Fear struck her anew as she noticed he was now holding a large piece of glass in his wrapped hand and his wand in the other.

Rose had carefully picked her way to him through the shatters, smiling seductively up at him.

A silvery cord leaked out of his wand and vanished out of the window across the room as Rose watched, enchanted.

“You should go now, Rose.” Snape muttered to her.

Rose looked shocked and shook her head. She snaked her hands up his bare chest and teased his bottom lip with her teeth.

“I want to be a Death Eater, like you…We can see to her together…I can help you torture her…” Rose offered in a whisper between kisses.

Hermione blushed as she watched the nude woman reach down and rub him through his trousers, pressing herself against him.

Snape let out a gentle sigh before both of them lurched against each other suddenly and stilled. Rose started panting and looked up at him, her cheeks suddenly wet with tears. 

Snape opened his eyes and looked down at her, shaking his head slowly.

“I’m sorry, I really am,” He said to her, “I think I’ve done the wizarding world a favour though…”

Hermione propped herself up on her elbows, confused by what he’d meant.

She gasped as Rose folded down to the floor and spread out, the shard of glass sticking out between her ribs and blood gushing from the wound.

She gasped one last time before becoming completely still.

Hermione stared in shock at the body, terrified. Her eyes snapped to Snape as he stepped away from Rose’s corpse and ran his blood covered hands through his hair.

“What the FUCK are you doing here, Granger?” He snapped aggressively, “How could you get caught? How could you be so STUPID?”

Hermione blinked at him and sat upright on the edge of the bed.

“w-what?” She asked.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Miss Granger!” Snape snapped.

Hermione shook her head and screwed up her face. Her arms shot up and she held herself protectively.

“I don’t understand!” She sobbed, “Please don’t hurt me, I don’t understand!”

Snape watched her cry for a minute before sitting down on the bed near her.

The girl slowly pulled herself together and attempted to piece together what had happened. Why was he just sitting there?

“Aren’t…aren’t you going to rape me?” She asked in a shaking voice.

She looked at him as he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Why- do you want me to?”

“No!”

“Then no,” he replied quickly.

Snape got up and wandered over to the window. He gazed out of it while Hermione calmed herself down.

Suddenly there was a loud crack and Dobby the house elf was standing on the bed behind her.

His huge yellow eyes surveyed the scene before turning on Snape.

“Dobby got the Professor’s Patronus!” He greeted, turning his gaze on Hermione, “what can Dobby do, Headmaster?”

“Dobby! Am I glad to see you?” Hermione cried, gathering him into her arms and kissing him hard on his cheek.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, Dobby, there isn’t time to waste,” Snape said hurriedly, walking over to the pair.

Dobby disentangled himself and stared at the body on the floor.

“I couldn’t afford witnesses,” Snape muttered, reading his mind.

“Wait, so you’re working with Snape?” Hermione asked the elf.

Dobby nodded proudly.

“Dumbledore and the Professor were working together. The Professor is protecting Harry Potter,” he answered.

“What? But- Dobby, you know he KILLED Dumbledore?”

Dobby nodded, sadly this time.

“Only way to get the Professor into You-Know-Who’s trust!” Dobby explained.

Hermione gasped and stared at Snape.

“I have an added reason to be protective of Potter,” Snape replied in an even tone, “you see, he’s actually MY son.”

Hermione filtered through the new information quickly in her mind.

“So- you’re still on our side? Dumbledore told you to kill him?”

“Why are you focussing on that? I’ve just told you I’m Harry’s…Fucking Hagrid. Of course.” Snape rolled his eyes and shifted his weight, “Does Harry know?”

“Yes. He thinks you attacked his mother…”

“Of course…”

“Did you?”

“No.”

There was moment’s silence in the room while everyone calmed themselves.

Snape turned his attention back to Dobby.

“There sword is in Malfoy’s office. There are prisoners down in the dungeon, including Harry, so please get to them as well. Ollivander’s body should still be there- I had to save him from a horrible death and end his suffering…”

Hermione watched Snape’s eyes become glassy again as he spoke of the murder he had committed.

Dobby nodded and stepped towards him.

“And you, Professor, sir?”

Snape held his arms out at his sides and smiled.

“Make it look good…” He ordered.

Dobby held out his tiny palm and blasted Snape across the room. He landed with a groan and passed out by the window as Hermione was grabbed and the two disapperated away.  


	33. Almost Over: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final showdown between Harry and Voldemort looms. 
> 
> Severus embraces his fate- but can he save his son?

Harry looked out across the ocean after burying his dear friend, Dobby.

Tears fell down his face every time he blinked, the sense of loss all-consuming and bottomless.

Dobby had saved them, grabbed the sword and brought Ollivander’s body back, but the blade of Belletrix had lodged in his little chest and there was nothing anyone could do.

 

He made his way into the kitchen where the others were waiting for him.

“Can I get you anything, ‘arry?” Fleur asked, holding herself nervously.

Harry shook his head and sat down opposite Ron who was holding a sobbing Hermione.

They waited a long time for her to calm down, listening to the sounds of the sea and the wind chimes outside.

Finally, she seemed to steel herself and sipped her cup of tea.

“What happened, Hermione? Did he..?” Ron started but could not continue. He started shaking and looked out of the window, his eyes wet in the sunshine.

“Snape…” Hermione said quietly, “it was him…it was him who called Dobby…”

There was a collective gasp and all eyes shot to her in shock.

“He did what?” Harry snapped, standing up and laying his hands on the table.

“Snape said he killed Dumbledore because Dumbledore himself ordered him to. Dobby confirmed it!” Hermione stated, looking around herself, “He admitted he was your dad, Harry, but he said he didn’t attack your mum…what if Slughorn is right about him? What if your mum DID love him-“  

“Stop!” Harry shouted. Hermione fell silent and eyed him cautiously.

This was all too much for Harry, Snape must have a plan, had to have been lying somehow.

“Why don’t we go for a walk, Harry,” Bill suggested kindly, “there’s a bakery and a pub in the village and this is a very muggle place, we can clear our heads?”

 

“Perhaps Hermione was too scared to think straight, I mean- she must have been terrified!” Bill suggested.

He and Harry had sat themselves in the pub garden, a pretty little spot with a rockery and a view of the ocean. Large wooden benches stood in rows with sun-umbrellas dotted between them.

In any other circumstance, Harry would have enjoyed the place.

“Why would Dumbledore tell Snape to kill him? Why would my mum actually sleep with HIM by choice? I really don’t understand this- any of it!” Harry rested his head on the hard wood of the table top and took a few breaths, his mind a mess of thoughts and emotion.

He felt Bill reach over and pat his shoulder, warming him slightly.

“I wouldn’t worry about it, Harry. All will become clear, I’m sure…”

The young men went inside again with their glasses and waited by the bar. The pub smelled of old ale and stale wood, making Harry’s memory take him back to the Three Broomsticks and Hogwarts.

He read the menus on the wall to distract himself while they waited.

Fresh food specials jumped out at him from the boards in an attempt to entice drinkers into dinner, boasting the ‘best in the whole of Cornwall’ in just about everything.

Lines of fading photos were pinned to the boards behind, some newer than others, smiling faces peering out from them.

Bill ordered two more pints and chatted companionably with the barman while Harry reminded himself why the pictures weren’t moving.

One particular one caught his eye.

It was a young man with dark hair, a green t-shirt and sunglasses on holding a giggling baby and standing next to a pretty young woman with a short skirt and long brown hair.

They smiled out of the picture in the most familiar way and Harry could not take his eyes off it.

“Would you mind if I looked at that?” He asked.

The barman gave him a look but unpinned the picture and handed it to Harry.

“That’s a young man who came here with his boy a few years running. Nice family,” the old man explained. He pointed to the people in the picture. “Olly, his name was, his baby son Toby and that there is Rebecca, she used to run the bread shop. Owns it now- was a few years ago that was taken!”

Harry’s eyes scanned the picture. The man had said ‘Olly’, but the man was a young Severus Snape, no doubt at all. The little boy had a tiny scar on his forehead, shaped like a bolt of lightning. It could only be seen if the person was looking for it, which Harry was.

Bill seemed to draw the same conclusion and looked at the picture closely as well.

“They came here a lot, did they?” Bill asked, “What was he like?”

“Nice, like I say. Doted on the boy, of course. Sad story there, apparently the mother died when the kid was young. Not right, young family to meet such a tragedy. Not right at all…”

 

_“Don’t you have a home to go to?”_

_Severus’ head snapped up from his notes and looked across the now empty pub at Margo, who was standing smiling at him by the bar._

_He couldn’t explain why he kept coming back, preferring one night stands or solitude in the evenings._

_“I enjoyed our chat the other day,” He said lazily, “just thought some company may make marking go a bit faster…”_

_The bar maid trotted over and sat next to him at the table. She started leafing through the essays on the table, reading the odd line and giggling._

_“This kid says lacewings come from fairies. ‘T’!” She exclaimed gleefully._

_Severus found himself giggling with her before chastising himself._

_The girl was mesmerising, there was no doubt- and attractive too. There was a confidence about her that Severus only ever pretended to have and her smile could light up a room._

_She leaned forward and caught his eyes on her._

_“So…” she started, placing her hand disturbingly close to his, “you want to stay a bit longer? I was going to lock up…?”_

_“I should go, if that’s the case, Miss Woods,” he spluttered, gathering his papers._

_With some reluctance, Margo assisted him, putting the rest in his hands and smiling as she did so._

_Severus found his face burning crimson._

_“Well, drop by whenever you like, it’s nice to see you…Professor…”_

Hogwarts. They had to get back to Hogwarts.

Harry lay on the floor panting, thinking about their final part of their mission.

Going back meant destroying the last of the Horcrux, gaining the Elder wand and facing Voldemort at last.

Curiously, these things together did not worry Harry as much as facing the other person who was in Hogwarts, waiting for him: Snape.

Harry sat up and held his head in his hands. He was so conflicted.

He desperately wanted to hate the man, but there were some little bits of information that he could not ignore.

It was this village he was sat in that Snape had taken him as a baby. Why did he not hand him over to his Death Eater pals when he had the chance?

Why did his aunt and uncle hide his true parentage from him?

Why did he save them from Malfoy Manor?

Harry walked to his nightstand stand and pulled on his glasses before making his way to the window.

He had watched Snape kill right before his eyes. Cold and ruthless, just as Harry knew he was. But moments later, he had sent Dobby to rescue them.

Was this was Snape was? Not entirely good nor bad, but a vague grey area in between?

Harry swallowed hard as he realised he placed himself in that category, more so since the Horcrux had twisted his thoughts.

The answers were all at Hogwarts now. The last stop on this journey.

 

 

Severus ran a nervous hand through his hair and stubbed his cigarette out in the already full ash-tray on his desk.

The portrait of Dumbledore watched him warmly, attempting to be comforting.

“There will come a time in this that Harry must be told something…” The old man said softly, “Have you thought of how to do this?”

Severus tugged at his wizard robes and searched for his lighter, ignoring the portrait.

“Severus…time is short…”

“For me, you mean? And for my son as well!” He snapped, lighting his smoke and rolling it between his fingers nervously.

Dumbledore did not answer, choosing instead to fix the young man in his intense gaze.

Severus faltered and looked away.

“I’m not afraid of death, Dumbledore. Fuck knows I’ve craved it at times, living this half- life without love, without hope! What I am afraid of is Harry suffering. What if he’s scared and I’m not there to… not that he’d want me there…I’ve made him hate me…to save him…you fucking used me!”

Dumbledore sat on a painted chair in his picture and watched Severus sob quietly into his hands for a few minutes before the man straightened up, a distant look returning to his face.

“I need to call my friends,” He stated finally, pulling on his travelling cloak.

Dumbledore was shocked and stood, resting his hands on either side of the frame, a frantic look about him.

“Severus, it is almost time! You must be here for the battle! This is no time to leave!”

Severus shot him a look of distain before sweeping out of the office, his cloak billowing behind him.

 

Harry half collapsed on the windowsill outside the room of requirement. Another Horcrux down.

He was happy to be back in Hogwarts, but the castle felt different somehow now, colder, less welcoming.

He rested his head on the cold glass and allowed his heart to beat normally again.

Hermione and Ron jogged up behind him and waited for him to come around.

“Are the Sytherins ok?” Harry asked, referring to the boys who had followed them into the room and set fire to it. The two exchanged a heavy look and avoided Harry’s eyes.

“We need to get out of here before we’re discovered. I’m not sure what Snape would do if he found us!” Hermione admitted.

Harry nodded, his heart sinking at the thought of seeing the man again.

 

Severus landed hard and rolled several times after he had hit the ground. He pulled his robes off and tore at his hair, screaming with emotion.

The Heads of the other Houses, the people he had sat with, chatted with, got to know and support for all these years had attacked him, called him a murderer and chased him out of the castle.

He dropped to his knees and wept bitter tears of anger and pain, knowing what they must have thought of him.

If only they knew.

Harry had been sighted in the castle somewhere, he was there, completing Dumbledore’s secret mission before…Severus shook his head and tried not to think about Harry’s last stand with the Dark Lord. His heart was broken as it was.

He stared up at the dark castle, the place which had decided so much of his life up to now, and was slightly comforted by the sight of it.

He and Lily had often gazed up at the fortress walls and medieval turrets.

Lily.

He looked at his hands clasped in his lap, sadness washing over him.

“I’m so sorry, Lil…”

His thoughts were interrupted by multiple explosions occurring in different points in the castle. The battle had begun.

 

Severus pulled his robes back on carefully and adjusted him just as he felt his Dark Mark burning. His stomach churned with fear but he pushed the feeling down and squared his shoulders.

_This is it._

_“Do you want me to check on Toby?” Rebecca asked._

_Severus rolled over to face her, his hair sticking to his sweaty face, still tired from their activities during the night._

_“Shit, I forgot about the baby!” He exclaimed, jumping out of bed._

_Rebecca giggled as she watched him pull on his robe and half run out of her bedroom to the room his son was sleeping in._

_He came back looking flustered and sat on the end of the bed._

_“I feel too young to be a father sometimes!” He confessed, “I never thought I’d end up doing this alone!”_

_The young woman got out of bed and sat behind him, rubbing gentle circles into his shoulders. He relaxed at her touch._

_“Don’t worry, Olly, I’m sure you’ll be fine. I’ll bet his mummy is very proud of you,” she assured him kindly._

_Severus made an angry noise and turned to her._

_“How could she be? They buried her last year!”_

_Rebecca swallowed and smiled a small smile._

_“She’s watching over you both,” she replied._

_“Fucking hell, I hope not!”_

Harry, Ron and Hermione dived out of sight when the door opened in the shrieking shack.

Hermione pressed he fingers to her lips as they watched whoever it was enter and start to go up the stairs.

Harry crouched as low as he could but curiosity got the better of him and he peaked out from behind the box which was concealing him.

He gasped and the figure stopped, hearing him.

A rock formed in Harry’s chest as he picked his way out from behind the box and stood, face to face with Severus Snape.

“Harry!” Hermione whispered urgently.

Harry ignored her and stood, stock still, staring at the man who he had come to hate after all these years, yet confused him so.

He felt Snape’s dark eyes flick over him as well, making no movement for his wand.

Finally, the older man spoke.

“You’re a fool for being here, Potter. I should hand you over to the Dark Lord right now and be done with all this,” he snapped, a bitterly cold edge to his voice, dripping with its usual venom.

The hairs on the back of Harry’s neck rose and his heart quickened, but he stood his ground.

“You could have done that a thousand times over before, why would you do that now?” He asked.

“There’s that arrogance again, boy!” Came the vicious reply, “So full of yourself, cockily wandering around in the open just like your wretched…”

Harry chuckled, despite himself, watching Snape stop short of his usual tirade, the word ‘father’ now missing from the end.

“You think this is funny?” Snape snapped, walking closer to him, “The Dark Lord has called me here so he is on his way. You need to leave. Now.”

Harry’s blood went cold as he registered Snape’s words, but he did not want to miss the opportunity.

“I want answers. You owe me that!”

“I don’t owe you anything, you foolish boy, now leave!”

Both stopped as their hearts started fluttering. A dark presence had entered the building and was waiting on the floor above.

Snape shot an anxious look at Harry, one Harry had never seen before.

“I have to go. Leave while you can or this has all been for nothing!” Snape ordered.

Harry couldn’t explain his emotions as he watched the Slytherin ascend the stairs. He felt completely torn between obeying his own fear and running and tackling Snape and pulling him with them.

“Don’t!” He heard himself say.

Snape paused on the stairs and looked down on him, his expression unreadable.

“He could kill you!” Harry explained quietly, unable to look at the man’s face.

Snape let out a harsh laugh.

“He’ll definitely kill me if I don’t!” He replied.

Before Harry could stop him, Snape had made it to the top of the stairs and had gone in to meet Voldemort, leaving Harry helplessly trailing after him.          

 


	34. Almost over Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus has a heart to heart with Lily while Harry decides his fate. 
> 
> Flashbacks are in Italics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience.  
> Had a combination of writer's block, insecurity in my work and a bad case of pregnancy hormones!  
> I hope I haven't lost too many readers because of this, a massive thank you for those of you who have stuck around- I must infuriate you all! 
> 
> Many thanks 
> 
> Chrizzii

_**“You have your mother’s eyes…”** _

 

Severus glanced to his side and smiled as his black orbs met the green ones of Lily Evans.

She plucked a blade of grass and ran it down his nose playfully.

“Was that so bad?” She asked him, smirking.

Severus looked down at his school robes which were billowing in the wind. The view of the lake from their favourite spot on the grounds made his heart fill with joy.

“Was what ‘so bad’?” He asked.

She leaned forward and captured his lips with her own. She moved hers gently over his, taking her time to pour raw emotion into every touch, causing Severus to groan and return the kiss with increased pressure and passion.

His hand came to rest on her soft cheek as they kissed each other, their love sparking with every caress, every moan, every breath.

They broke apart slowly and smiled at each other. Lily rested her head on his chest and gripped his hand.

“I wish you didn’t have to go, Severus…” She said sadly.

Severus blinked in the sunlight, confusion washing over him.

What was she talking about?

How did he get here?

He gasped and sat bolt upright, sending Lily falling to the grass beside him.

“The Dark Lord! Harry!”

Lily reached up and shushed him, giggling slightly.

“You haven’t answered me yet, Slytherin…” She said, “Was it so bad?”

Severus looked down at her, shock filling his mind. He finally understood what she was asking. A feeling of dread and fear gripped him as he gazed down at her perfect face.

“Dying, you mean?” He asked.

Lily sat up with him and rested her head on his shoulder.

Her hair caught the breeze and tickled the side of Severus’ face.

“I wish you didn’t have to go…” She said again.

Severus felt tears stinging his eyes.

“I’m not really here though…” he answered quietly, “nor are you…”

Lily fixed her eyes on him. He never wanted to look away.

“Dying can be very confusing,” she replied, “reality tends to get a bit lost and people focus on what’s important to them. The problem is, you are dead. You died years ago, you just forgot.”

Severus screwed up his face and shot her a questioning look. The sky started to darken and the sun vanished behind a layer of thick cloud.

“How can that be? I was alive before this… before the snake bite… before Harry took my memories…”

The memory of his death filled his mind. The snake…the blood…

“This version of you died with your mother,” Lily gestured to his fifteen year old form, his uniform, his body, “That was the point of no return, Severus…”

“And the evil man I became took the boy’s place…”

“The angry young adolescent who wanted everyone to suffer as much as he was- he died with me…”

Severus’ mouth fell open and he blinked rapidly.

“We all have our sins, Severus Snape. James Potter had a cruel streak, he was intolerant and arrogant- but he did not deserve what I did to him. I was head strong and determined to live my life as I chose, to lead people and prove myself, but I abandoned you when you needed me most…”

“I was lost and going down a dark path, you were right to leave me…”

“I said I would be with you _always,_ I broke my promise…”

“You were right though…”

Severus started to weep. His lifetime of pain and so many regrets crashed into his tortured mind and raced uncontrolled.

“All of us are shades of grey, Severus,” Lily said softly next to him, “It is not your brilliant mind or extraordinary talents which have got you this far…”

She reached up and turned his head, pressing their foreheads together.

“Everything you have done has been for Harry, not for me. I will always love you, but I’m gone now…you have to let me die…”

Severus felt his heart shatter at her words. He grabbed her and laid wet, broken kisses on her face.

“No!” He cried, “No, I can’t!”

“This is the last sacrifice you must make…for Harry… Let me go…”

 

 

 

Harry stared straight ahead of himself, trying to organise his thoughts.

He had watched his father be attacked by Voldemort, watched him crumple to the ground and take his last breath. He had taken the memories the dying man had given him and watched his parent’s story.

Lily Evens and Severus Snape were in love.

Snape had spent the rest of his life protecting Harry out of love for him and his mother. He had died for them.

Harry found he could not hold back the tears anymore. It was all so unfair. All this time, his dad had been there, watching over him- and now Voldemort had taken him too.

The small office filled with sobs as the boy who lived grieved for his family.

But then there was the last part…He, Harry, had to die…

He pulled himself out of his misery and stood, wiping his eyes and trying to be brave, like his father had been.

Snape had met his death without hesitation, without fear. Harry would make him proud and do the same…

 

 

Hermione and Ron had started trying to move Snape’s body but had decided to rest by the door.

Harry had wanted him out of sight so a proper burial could be performed, but the young man had been muscled and was therefore a lot heavier than he looked.

Hermione had not stopped crying since he had passed. She felt deep down that Snape was dying to protect them and could not shake the feeling of loss.

Ron sat down next to the body and moved the young man’s hair from his face carefully.

“He really looks like Harry close up…” Ron commented.

Hermione nodded and smiled a weak smile.

“Do you think we should save his wand? Harry would probably want to keep it…” She suggested.

Ron gave her a heavy nod and place his hand on Snape’s chest, leaning over to grab the wand from his robes. He stilled, his face a mask of confusion.

“What is it?” Hermione asked quickly.

Ron took his hand off Snape’s chest and tapped it with his knuckles. To Hermione’s surprise, it made a metallic echoing sound.

She rushed forward and helped Ron tug the front of his robes down, revealing a chest plate of armour covered in muggle blood packs.

The pack near his neck had been burst, a little residue of fake blood still sticking to the inside of the plastic.

“What….the….fuck…?” Ron asked.

“They’re muggle blood packs,” Hermione explained, “He’s a half blood, I suppose he’ll have known about muggle technology!” She smiled at the genius of it.

“So…If the snake bit the blood bag and the armour stopped the fangs…why is he dead?”

Hermione furrowed her brow at the question. The man’s face was grey, his eyes dead looking, his heart not beating. But why?

Her eyes frantically searched down his body for an answer, finding it in the form of a syringe sticking out of his thigh.

She pulled the needle out and stared at the black liquid droplets which had been left behind.

“Draft of Living Death…” She recognised, “He injected himself with…”

 

 

_“Sev- what are you wearing? Are you going to a party or something? You can’t come in here dressed like that!”_

_“No time, Olly, where’s Rich?”_

_Severus sat down opposite his friend in the pub he had arranged to meet them at._

_He’d had no time to change since leaving Dumbledore’s portrait and the castle and so had arrived in his robes._

_Normally he would have been self- conscious, but now there was no time. Voldemort was on the way, Harry would soon be in the castle- time was short._

_“Rich had to swing by the estate,” Olly answered, eying him still, “you asked him about those guys we beat up when we were teenagers? The guys who had their house set on fire and we all ended up in prison..?”_

_“The ones who went on to run a travelling fair- yes. So he found them?”_

_Olly nodded and drank the rest of his pint while watching Rich walk in, his bag bulging._

_“What’s with the Halloween outfit?” Rich asked, sitting at their table._

_Severus sneered and reached for the bag. His friend had found the fake blood packs and syringes he had asked for, though he looks he was getting from both of them were making him nervous. He did not want to obliviate his friends, but he knew to could come to that._

_“What’s with the gear, Sev? Where have you been anyway? We’ve been trying to get hold of your for months, then you call out of the blue with the weirdest requests ever! Are you in trouble again?” Olly nodded at Rich’s words, leaning forwards and fixing his eyes on the wizard._

_Severus looked at them both and bowed his head._

_“Yes…you could say that…” He answered._

_“Is there anything else we can do? What’s wrong?” Olly asked, grabbing his arm._

_“Nothing, you’ve helped me loads- thank you both. I have to go, but hopefully, I’ll be in touch…”_

_He stood and tried to sweep away but both men grabbed him and held him in place._

_“Why do you need fake blood?” Rich asked frantically._

_Severus turned his black eyes on his friend and smirked at him._

_“I need to fake my own death,” he replied._

 

 

Lily stood and took out her wand. Her silver doe patronus flew out of the end of it and danced around her.

Severus watched, his emotions settling.

“Why is Harry’s Patronus a stag? Why not a doe like ours?” he asked.

“You saw us as soul mates,” Lily answered, facing away, “Harry saw himself in James.”

“Will it be the same as mine now that he knows the truth?”

Lily turned to face him and laughed.

“How should I know?”

Severus shrugged to himself and picked a blade of grass.

“If they don’t wake me up in time, I won’t have to let you go. I can stay here with you forever,”

“True, but then you’d be leaving Harry. I told you, this isn’t about me, it never had been, it’s about him.”

Severus, despite himself, accepted this truth.

He had known- and resisted- but he knew that really.

The life he had shared with Lily had been wonderful, but it was over. Harry was all that mattered now.

A curly haired, smiling woman barged into his thoughts. He pushed her away guiltily, but Lily had read his mind. She crouched down and smiled at him sweetly.

“You don’t have to play this lonely hero thing forever, you know. I never wanted you to be alone.”

Severus shook his head angrily.

“I have been so cruel to that girl. I should have left her well alone, she ended up in Azkaban because of me!”

“Yet still, she loves you.”

“She knows I’m a Death Eater. She knows I’m a killer!”

“Yet still, she loves you…”

Severus looked into the eyes of his lost love, shards of hope forming in his heart.

“How can I love her when I love you?”

Lily leaned down and kissed him, drawing a sigh from the Slytherin.

“You don’t have to choose,” she answered, “you have always had room in your heart for everyone…That girl accepts you in a way even I could not. She has never asked anything of you, never tried to change you. Let me die… so that you can live.”

 

“Can you make the antidote fast enough?” Ron asked, watching a frantic Hermione cutting ingredients on the floor of the shack.

“I really don’t know!” She answered, brushing her hair aside, “I wish we’d have seen the syringe earlier, we’d have had more time! Keep him warm!”

Ron nodded and started undressing, laying his robes and cloak over the barely alive body beside him.

“Where do you think Harry is? Do you think he’s ok? What memories did Snape give him?”

“How should I know, Ronald?” Hermione snapped, “Let’s save one of the Snape family at a time!”

 

_**To be continued….** _


	35. In Loving Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry has his final battle with Voldemort- will his father's sacrifice be in vain?

“Where’s Snape…my dad?” Harry asked quietly. “Is he here too?”

Dumbledore looked down at him kindly from his place next to him on the bench, his blue eyes flashing with some unreadable emotion.

“He’s with your mother, I believe,” he answered.

Harry stared out at the station he had found himself in after Voldemort had killed him. He was oddly calm, his thoughts drifting and serene: as if realising he had been loved all his life had finally given him peace. He felt satisfied with how things had ended, like he and his family had served their purpose.

“You can go back, you know…”

Dumbledore’s suggestion broke him out of his thoughts and forced Harry to look into the old wizard’s face.

“Why would I do that? Haven’t I done enough?”

Dumbledore looked pensive and shook his head sadly.

“Harry, I know how tempting it is to just let go now, to abandon yourself to the peace and calmness that death promises you. However, I fear for our world- your loved ones- who are still out there fighting for our cause. Voldemort still has an army, one which is marching on Hogwarts while you drift here, between worlds…for the sake of all you and your family have fought and died for, you must go back…”

 

 

“Severus...are you going to go back?”

Lily’s words interrupted Severus’ day dream. He tore his eyes off the dancing sunlight on the surface of the lake and looked at school-girl Lily directly.

“They’re failing to get the antidote to me, I can feel myself dying…my life is over…” His words sounded so matter of fact to his own ears, and he realised he had accepted his fate.

He would miss Harry very much, Hogwarts, the challenges and adventures life offered…he would even miss teaching. He smirked at the thought.

A flash of green eyes halted his mind. A memory of a young woman with chestnut curls and perfect creamy shoulders sleeping next to him forced away his acceptance and replaced it with longing.

The gentle press of her lips on his skin, the feel of her body against his…

“NO!”

Severus batted Margot away, ashamed of his own desires.

Lily smiled knowingly and started to rub his shoulders.

“So it seems you have a choice, Severus Snape. A faded memory of me-forever young but forever lost…or a life with your new love and our son…”

 

Ron tried to calm Hermione but she was beyond his words. She had mixed the ingredients as fast as she could, but Snape was not responding to the dose.

Ron pulled her against his chest and held her there, gently rocking back and forth like he had done with Ginny when she was small.

Eventually, Hermione’s breathing became more even and she pulled away from him, crawling up to the lifeless body of her potions master on the floor.

She tucked his hair behind his ear gently and straightened his robes again.

“I’m sorry…” She whispered, “Thank you for everything you’ve done…you can rest now…”

Tears started to fall again, sorrow filling her as she gazed down at his face.

Ron tugged her sleeve and nodded to her sadly.

“Hermione,” he said, “we have to follow Harry…”

 

Harry dived behind a pillar, the Death Eater’s stunning curse missing him by a centimetre. He had forced himself awake in the forest and had pretended to be dead until he was brought back to Hogwarts and now all hell was breaking loose.

Death Eaters were firing their curses as students and teachers alike fight back, spells lighting up the night.

He caught his breath and thought of Severus Snape, the man who had killed and died protecting him and found his courage.

He would be a warrior, like his father had been.

He stepped out and used the shield charm against one of Voldemort’s attacks before finally pulling off his invisibility cloak.

There was a collective gasp before the courtyard fell silent.

“I don’t want anyone to help,” Harry announced loudly, stepping towards his foe, “this has to be him and me.”

“He doesn’t mean that!” Voldemort snapped, eying him angrily, “who are you going to hide behind this time, boy?”

“No one,” Harry said simply, “No more Horcruxes, no assistance, just you and me. Neither can live while the other survives and one of us is about to leave for good…”

“One of us? You have survived by accident or because Dumbledore was pulling the strings! You do not stand a chance!”  Voldemort jeered, his red eyes flashing and his body taut.

“Harry-don’t!”

Harry turned to see Margo being held back by Hermione and Ginny. Tears were running down her face and her dress was dyed red with blood stains.

Harry gave her a brave look and marched towards The Dark Lord who was glaring at him with as much hatred as Harry had ever seen.

“Well!” Voldemort smirked as we watched Harry stride towards him, “The boy who lived…by accident…”

“Accident?” Harry asked, starting to walk around the Dark Lord in a circle, “Accident that my mother died protecting me? Accident that I have stopped you every time we clash? Accident I have survived yet again after you tried to kill me once and for all?”

“Accidents!” The Dark Lord snapped, his anger growing, “With Dumbledore pulling the strings and more talented friends! You are nothing on your own- as he turned out to be in the end!”

“Dumbledore was a greater wizard than you ever were!” Harry snapped in return.

The Dark Lord laughed and glared at Harry with malice and triumph.

“I saw an end to Dumbledore- just as I will end you, you foolish boy!”

Harry smiled and stopped walking for a moment.

“You’re wrong, Riddle,” He smirked.

Voldemort narrowed his eyes as there was a collective gasp from the Death Eaters nearby.

“You didn’t have Dumbledore killed at all!” Harry announced, “He chose to die months before, you just thought you had ordered it. He was always one step ahead of you, Tom, you were just too arrogant to see it!”

“I commanded Snape to kill Dumbledore!” Voldemort screamed, “I brought about his end!”

Harry chuckled and looked to the sky.

“Ah- let’s talk about Snape, shall we?” He said.

Voldemort suddenly became very still. His eyes locked with Harry’s and a deep silence fell over the crowd watching.

“He was never your man, Riddle- he was Dumbledore’s. He made the plan with Dumbledore to slot into your ranks- all the while feeding back information which will lead to your downfall.”

“Why would he do that? Snape was a double agent, you silly boy! He was feeding information to ME- He was a loyal Death Eater!”

“No-he wasn’t. He wasn’t from the moment you went after my mother…”

“What is this nonsense?”

“He begged you to spare her- he loved her with all he was- for most of his life- and you attacked her.”

“He desired her- nothing more!” Voldemort said dismissively, breaking eye contact and looking away.

Harry glanced over at Margo. Bitter, silent tears were slipping down her cheeks as she gazed at the floor.

His heart broke for her.

“He LOVED her, Riddle- something you could never understand! You never saw him cast a patronus, did you? It was a doe, in memory of my mother.”

“It doesn’t matter! He agreed after she had died that there were women worthier of him!”

“He was lying to you- and the damage was already done then anyway!” Harry stepped forward and smiled broadly, “This whole time he has been protecting me, because I am not only Lily’s son- but I’m his too.”

There was a collective gasp and a lot of shouting. Chaos erupted and angry Death Eaters pushed their way to the front of the crowd, wands pointed at Harry.

Voldemort waved them back and quiet fell, before turning to Harry- his face full of venom.

“You lie!” He snapped, “Snape would never have sullied himself by breeding with a mud-blood! How dare you assert such a thing!”

“I’m not lying- he was my father. He was lying to you the entire time and you were too arrogant and too sure of yourself to see it!”

Harry stepped forward. Speaking about Snape made his heart burst with pride, finally able to shout his father’s achievements to everyone who would listen.

“I have so many of his traits- I’m surprised you didn’t see it sooner” He continued, “I have his bravery in battle, his determination- his skills with magic, his loyalty! His ability to love-“

“Silence!” Voldemort screamed, losing control, “Enough of your lies!!”

“Don’t forget my ability to rise from the dead…” came a voice from the battlements.

Harry and Voldemort both stopped breathing and stared at each other before they followed the voice upwards to an upstairs window, looking down on the courtyard.

There, leaning out the window wearing a grin and a silver chest plate, his hair pulled back off is face- was Severus Snape.

“Impossible!” Voldemort yelled, “I killed you!”

“You thought I’d go before you without a plan? Without protection?” Snape called back, “That would have been very brave- but stupid! I’m a Sytherin, not a fucking Gryffindor!”

“It worked!” Hermione cried.

Harry glanced over his shoulder to see her embracing Ron happily and gazing up at the man above them. Margo had her hands covering her mouth, joy and more tears in her eyes.

Voldemort’s patience ran out and he pointed his wand at the man in the window.

“You will not survive this-traitor!”

Harry reacted, raising his wand to defend his father, but Snape just chuckled in reply.

“I really wouldn’t do that,” Snape warned, casting his eyes around behind the crowd. “Why do you think it took me so long to get here?”

Harry and Voldemort looked around them, only to realise there was a wall of centaurs surrounding them, behind the crowd- angry looks on their faces and weapons drawn.

One with dark skin and fur came to Harry’s side and nodded at him.

“Your father ran in our forest every day that he was here. He gave us the Umbridge woman when we wanted justice from her and he has always watched over us. He is a good man-for a wizard- we would not get involved for anyone else.” He explained.

Harry nodded and turned his attention to a now trapped Dark Lord, his confidence restored.

“It’s over, Riddle!” He said, “’neither can live while the other survives’- remember? Your reign of terror is at an end.”

Voldemort lowered his wand and laughed openly.

“You forget- silly boy- that I am the master of the Elder Wand! It is you who is at an end! As for your traitor-muggle-loving-father-“ He cast a nasty look towards Snape, who did not react, “I will crush him as I did your mother.”

Snape stepped out onto the battlement, balancing on a narrow beam, his hair and robes billowing around him.

“I am glad this has happened the way it has, Snape,” Voldemort continued, “Neither of you will come back after I am done with you. You can watch your son die first!”

“Unless you’re wrong about the Elder Wand, my Lord,” Snape called down to him, “If, by attempting to kill me, you have gained nothing, I am about to watch my son triumph over the monster who killed Lily.”

The Dark Lord stopped moving towards Harry and looked momentarily confused.

Harry took advantage of his stillness.

“Draco Malfoy disarmed Dumbledore, I disarmed Draco when my father broke us out of Malfoy’s Manor. I am the master of the Elder wand.” He explained.

Voldemort’s eyes became wild as he weighed up the possibility. He swung round only to find the Centaurs had blocked his every means of escape.

He looked above and Harry noted Snape had not simply moved on to the beam for dramatics, but he blocked Voldemort’s route into the air.

The evil wizard was trapped with only one course of action.

Harry looked into his father’s black eyes and felt the fire which burned within them.

Both of them were warriors, he concluded, drawing himself up ready.

_For mum…and all the people he’s hurt!_

“AVADA KADAVRA!”

“EXPELLIARMUS!”

 

 

Severus watched the scene play out below him with mixed emotions.

His heart was in his mouth with worry for Harry, he felt ashamed to be in public after all he had done while under-cover- concerned they had miscalculated, then…

Relief.

He watched Voldemort fall, Harry catching the wand out of the air and joined the crowd in standing in shocked silence as they realised the Dark Lord was dead.

His mind started cascading with memories, thoughts, feelings- relief, joy-fear of what was to come.

_It is done._ He thought to himself, _Goodbye, Lily, my love, until we meet again…_

“Severus!” Margo pushed through the throng of people as he hesitantly walked through the doors and into the courtyard.

She stopped just in front of him, her face a wash with tears and blood.

He stood, staring at her, unsure of what to say.

“It worked, Professor!” Hermione was suddenly next to him and he was forced to tear his eyes away.

“I thought I’d failed,” she explained, “I thought I hadn’t get to you in time!”

Severus smiled and put his hands in his pockets.

“I never doubted you,” he said, gratefully, “Thank you for saving my life.”

He said it so casually, Hermione did not seem to register his words for a few moments, before she turned a deep red and shook her head.

“After all you have done for us…” she started.

“All you’ve done for me…”

Severus turned to see the speaker and found Harry a couple of feet away, leaning on the statue which stood in the centre of the courtyard- the same one he had sat near during the Yule Ball all those years before.

Severus found himself at a loss for words again and resisted the urge to pull the boy to his chest.

Harry eyed him with a look of both reverence and amusement.

“Have you literally turned up in shining armour?” He asked.

Severus smirked and shrugged.

“I’ve always maintained you are just like your father,” he replied, “as if you don’t have a ‘flair for the dramatic’.”

He rolled his eyes and smiled his first warm smile since Harry was a small child.

He turned as a hand touched his arm and stood silently looking into Margo’s green eyes.

“Narcissa?” She asked quietly.

He shook his head in shame and took her hands.

“Listen, I don’t expect you to understand,” he said, “I have done a great many things to a great many people- but please believe me when I say I deeply regret getting you involved in this.”

Margo nodded and smiled a sad smile.

“So- you were using me too?”

Severus shook his head again and looked away. When he turned back, her face was wet with tears.

He held her hands tighter and leaned forward, gently kissing them away. Her mouth found his and the world melted away as they were consumed by the feeling and taste of the other.

They broke apart softly and stayed with their foreheads resting together, smiling to themselves.

Another hand crept into his and as he looked down to see who it was, Harry had already wrapped his arms around his torso.

Margo kissed Harry’s scar as he sobbed bitter, exhausted tears into his armoured chest.

“Well, it looks like you’re stuck with us,” she chuckled, knitting their fingers together. Severus nodded to her and kissed her cheek before looking down at his son.

He wrapped his arm around Harry and breathed in his son’s smell, basking in the love which spilled into him.

“I am so proud of you, Harry,” he whispered, “I never thought I would be able to tell you that, but I truly am.”

“I’m proud of you too,” Harry answered, pulling away and wiping his eyes. He looked from his father to Margo and blushed as he saw their joined hands.

“So, you’ll stay?” He asked, shyly, “the Dark Lord may be gone, but I still need you. Will you stay with me?”

Severus separated from Margo and placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders, gazing at him admiringly.

“Always.” He replied.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew!! 
> 
> At some points I had reviewers every week, a MASSIVE thank you to all of you, you were all so helpful and inspiring!   
> Thank you to all of you who have subscribed, bookmarked and left Kudos, as well as every comment- I really do appreciate everything everyone did all along. 
> 
> This fic has taken me ages and ages- a special thanks to everyone who has kept reading, I do hope this chapter has satisfied you and at least most people enjoyed it. 
> 
> I am humbled by the feedback, thanks again. 
> 
> Chrizzii xx


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